Thursday, October 26, 2006

The beginning

My friends have been on me for months to start this up. I've refused many times because I just didn't feel comfortable doing it. Why am I now you may ask? Because maybe this will help me. Maybe getting my feelings out there for everyone to see will help me get through the day. It may also be helpful for others. Or just maybe it will make some laugh. Who knows, but here I go.

Here in the Lunatic Cafe sits a girl who to outsiders looks like she's got everything. A great house, a great husband, and a beautiful son. Yeah she's a little chunky for her 5'3 frame, but hey she has everything else you could ever want. If you could see inside her head for a few minutes you'd see a different side. You would see a girl, that yes has everything she's ever wanted, but isn't happy. She's more than chunky, she's 75lbs over weight. There are those that swear she makes up that number, but come on really? Who would make up a number like that? Nothing seems to work and she's falling deeper and deeper into depression over her inability to lose weight. But weight shouldn't make her so unhappy right? If you dig deeper you see someone who worries about everything. She can't turn it off, she is dealing with her paranoia 24/7. Her poor husband is constantly being drilled on stupid issues like locking the door, or checking on the sleeping baby. She's the Queen of Worry.

Now you may see who she really is. To the public she's happy, and seems like she has everything together. But you know the truth . You can see how dark she is inside. You can see how the little things, things you don't even think about, are running around and around her head constantly. And that beautiful son of hers, is not getting to know who his Mommy really is. She's sitting on the couch most days reading or writing, sometimes feeling up to cleaning, and only rarely does she play with him. Her husband is living with a shell of the woman he loves. No one knows what to do to help her, because no one truly knows what is inside her head. It could be a chemical imbalance, it could be depression, or it could be her hormones trying to return to normal after having a baby. Whatever it is, its eating her bit by bit.

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