Stomping some toes

Before I jump on my soapbox, just remember I don't expect you to instantly convert to my opinion.  It is mine, and mine alone, and if you agree great, if not great I will still love ya.  This is not intended to hurt anyone's feelings or piss anyone off, just me stating my feelings over something that kinda bugs me.  Now on to the show...

A local news station posted an article on facebook this morning, the title says 'Interracial Marriages hits new high in US'...Ummm wait a sec, wasn't the US created by immigrants and welcomes them still?  That kinda means there's a few interracial marriages going on here.  HELLLOOOOO.

But wait, I'm confused.  Is anyone 'pure blood' anymore?  Especially here in the US?  I mean I'm Cherokee and Choctaw Indian (or Native American or American Indian for those PC peeps, I will forever be an Indian, sorry), I'm also Irish and possibly Scottish and German.  Bo is Cherokee Indian as well and other roots we have yet to pin down...technically that makes us an interracial couple, am I wrong?  But no one has ever gotten up in our face about it, nor have we ever heard anyone whisper 'oh those two, it's interracial you know, that's just wrong'.  How come folks like us slide under the radar, when we are no different than any other 'interracial' couple out there?  Oh I know why... ~insert MASSIVE eye roll here~

Anyone else get diarrhea over hypocrisy?

I could go on and on and ON about this topic, but I won't.  I'm not doing this to stir some chaos, I'm doing this because I truly do not get it.  No one is 'pure blood' around here anymore, hell even the Royal family isn't 100% Brittish.  Queen Elizabeth II is Armenian, Arab, British, Chinese, Cuman, French, German, Greek, Hungarian, Italian, Monegasque, Norwegian, Old Prussian, Portuguese, Romanian, Russian, Serbian, Spanis, Swedish, and Yugoslavian...didn't know that did ya (wiki it, you'll see)??  And aren't the Royal family known for their pure blue, royal blood line....hmmmm.

I wouldn't be here if there wasn't some interracial nooky going on, neither would my parents or theirs, or Bo and his and so on and so forth.  So I don't see what the big deal is.  Let it go.  We don't need a stupid survey to state the absolute obvious that has been going on since the beginning of time.  It kinda happens when one country invades and takes over another.  Duh.  It kinda happens when people immigrate to one country.  Duh.

Not to mention, in my opinion, if you bitch about it, you are kind a bitching about your own existence, unless you are a rare person with 100% heritage.

Stepping down now.

One of those days again

My moods are a lovely roller coaster ride in Hades.  Let's be honest.  I get random bad thoughts suddenly and my mood goes from perky to depressed in a blink of an eye.

Like last night, as I was trying to fall asleep I had this horrible image in my head and thoughts and gut wrenching fear when seconds before I was happily snuggling up against Bo.  Those thoughts ruined it, making me lose my breath and get so uncomfortable I started wiggling and sighing.  He knew something was up and asked what happened.  I told him.  Didn't want to say the words out loud so I slowly whispered them one by one, I will not pass them on here, because I hate saying the thoughts out loud and would rather just forget them.  Except I can't.

I was so tired last night thankfully that it didn't last long and I was asleep fairly quickly, but in the not so bright light of today my mood is down.  All because of my fantabulous imagination.  I don't want to do housework, I don't want Jocelyn out of my sight and having Bailey at school has me all itchy and fidgeting.  The fact that Bo is working....it's like trying to breathe through a thick blanket.

It's shitty to live inside your own nightmare.  My brain is a diabolical bitch and I can't escape it without meds to shut it all up.  I don't want to take anything.  I want to get this under control on my own.  I am stubborn when it comes to medication, in case you haven't noticed.  You can take whatever you want, I'll support you, I'll even give it to my kids if I have to, but I would rather suffer through things than take meds.  

It's all rainy and yucky today as if Mother Nature is matching to my mood...too bad it's only making it harder to be 'normal' today.

I have Pandora playing on my iPhone, I have my headset on, and I'm keeping the tunes light and happy.  Otherwise I'll give in and bury myself under the covers and refuse to leave my safe cocoon until Bo comes home.

Too good to not share

I can't come up with a description or an introduction to this article and picture that will do it justice.  This is NOT SAFE FOR WORK or children or anyone with an embarrassment to body parts...

Oh and I'm considering having my friend that bakes cakes for a living make me some of these so I can torture Bo...mwuahahaha.

Look at your own risk,

Testing something

If I get a little quiet there's a reason.

And it's not because I've ran out of things to blog about, it's the exact opposite.  This blog is my therapy so to speak.  It's where I come to bitch, or have break downs cause of the OCD/depression/anxiety.  No matter how hard I try to write about other things, it never feels right.  It's like if this were a book blog and I suddenly started posting things on brain surgery.  It doesn't feel right.  I'm seeing hardly any traffic lately and the comments are about dried up (not that I blog for either).  I know why.  I see why.  My posts are sucking majorly, because although I try to write about something else, I just can't do it any justice...not here anyway.

So I created something new.  Something that doesn't make me feel all down and blue whenever I log into it.  I don't feel the need to talk about OCD or depression only.  I don't feel like I'm cheating somehow by wanting to write a post about couponing or cooking or trying to get myself organized.  I don't feel like I've already failed before I even start writing, like I do here.

That doesn't mean this blog is being shut down, cause it's not.  I still need it.  I'll still post.  I just don't want to hate blogging....and I have for a while now.  I hate that I don't feel like I can write about something I want to write about on my own blog.  I don't know why that is, but it is and I've fought it long and hard, but it hasn't changed anything.  I want to come here for the times I need it, I want to share tips and articles and even books about my issues, but I find it hard to do that when I have all these other things I'd like to blog about too.

Anyway, this is just a test.  This new blog may not last long.  But I wanted to give it a try anyway and see where it lead me.

If your curious it's here...figured I might as well use it since we created it for the website that is still sitting there collecting dust...maybe this will be what I do with it...who knows.

Simple

Simplicity is what I need.

I tend to OCD things to death and turn them into things the size of Texas.  Which stresses me out.  Get's my anxiety going in high gear.  And leaves me standing at the end of the day with nothing accomplished.

Last week I was determined not to do this.  I needed a week of stress free cleaning and it wasn't exactly easy, with all the distractions and days of little to nothing done, but I managed to keep going anyway.  I made sure my lists were small.  That I stayed clear of my master list unless I needed it.  I focused on what I needed to do that day only.  Of course I also didn't do my routines, so the dishes piled up quickly and so did the laundry.

This week I'm using what I did last week and improving it.  You see I focused on the decluttering and forgot everything else, right down to reading the book for Literary Escapism.  I struggled with dinner because OMG it wasn't on my list and we ended up eating out way too much. That's OCD for ya.

My lists are going to remain small, 5 items only a day, plus my three recurring daily tasks.  But I'm going to make sure I include things like clipping coupons, reading my book, entering in author tour dates for LE, my own writing, research etc.  It's something I've said many times that I need to do, but I never put these things on my list.   Not sure why I skipped over it and hoped I would just remember and do it.  I don't work like that, I know this...

Simplicity and focus.  That's what I'm working on this week.  And if this week turns into a month, so be it.  I am getting no where in my life doing things the old way.  I'm not teaching my kids good habits.  I'm teaching them to procrastinate.  That stress is normal.  They have no responsibilities really, to build confidence and self worth.  And I really don't want them to turn into me when they grow up.  Spinning in circles trying to figure out what to do, where to go and what I want.  OCD isn't the entire problem...