The day after

We walk into the living room this morning and every single balloon is on the floor (we always get one of those box 'o balloon things of like 250 balloons and helium).  The table still has her Princess table cloth on it.  There are cake crumbles all over the tables, and floors.  My clean tables and floors...sigh.  Wrapping paper was crammed into a pile near the fire place, the cat needed a bed apparently (the cat did this, not the kids).  And my nephews walker is covered in cracker crumbs and cake and ice cream splatters.

I'm sure your wondering why we didn't clean this up last night.  Well we did clean up, we threw away the plates and cups, put up all the snacks, etc.  But then our bodies went OMFG stop, stop right now I cannot do any more, we are going to plop down on that couch right there and STAY THE FUCK PUT UNTIL BEDTIME!  And so we did.

The kids refused to put themselves to bed.  The audacity.

So in the dark, rainy light of today, the mess awaits me.  It's not a big mess, I don't have piles of dishes to worry about or anything else really to distract me.  Which means I'm not going 'well if I clean this, that doesn't get cleaned' over and over until I can't breath and my fingers are all tingly.  I can breathe and I can see where to go/start.  It's nice.

Oh and the party, there was 5 kids under the age of 6, 4 of those being boys, three of them mobile, my parents, his parents, his brother and his wife, were all in the house.  And I survived it.  I was not stressed or anxious or overwhelmed by the noise and all the bodies in my house.  Nope, not even for a second.  It wasn't until after they all left that I was like huh what do you know.  I think it's the house, the size and how it's laid out.  Even with everyone in the dining room and living room, they are connected without much of a wall separating them, it didn't feel claustrophobic at all.

Show of hands??  Yup I made it to the other side whole and intact.  And oddly enough with energy today.

Stay tuned...

Happy Birthday to a squirrley nutball

On this day 3 years ago, a crazy thing happened.  Out popped this little, squished up baby girl who had defied us all from day she was conceived.  I knew from the get go she was going to be something else.  A flying by the seat of her pants kinda chick.  Bo laughed and said I was just being funny.  No one really believed me.

But now they do.

Jocelyn does things by her own rules.  Who says she can't eat toothpaste?  Who says she can't pretend a tire from her brother's toy car can't be her pretend gum?  A pen/marker/crayon is for writing on things with, there are no safe surfaces.  A toy in her sight is hers.  Or a car.  Or a horse.  Or a tractor.  Or an airplane.  Anything is hers if she can see it.  Letters and numbers are so beneath her.  Nope she'd rather watch Backyardigans or play with her baby dolls.  Just because there's a door and she's been told do not enter, that doesn't mean anything to her.  Nope she'll sneak in, swipe something and run away giggling like the little clepto maniac that she is.  And you can't trust a word she says.  She'll tell you stories of her pet giraffe that lives in her room.  She'll tell you Bailey just hit her or stomped on her foot, except he's at school.  'Mama!  Mama!  There's a bug over dere'...'No Jocelyn that's a lego'....'No Mama that's a bug'.

She's a clepto and compulsive liar with no fear.

She's the kid who would grab an umbrella and jump off a roof to see if she could fly.

She's the kid who would sneak over to touch that hot stove when she was just told not to.

She's the kid who would not leave knicknacks alone.  Nope she'd take them to her room, hide them until you forget about them, then color them with markers, and return them to where she found them.

She's THAT girl.

But good gravy she's funny as hell.

She's got her Mama's mouth.  Which we all cringe at.  When I was little I'd tell everyone my daddy was fat and lazy, and Daddy is goofy enough to have thought it was funny.  And guess what?? She thinks so too.  'See those cows over dere?  Those cows are lazy.  Papa is lazy like those cows', she said to us so seriously just this weekend.  He was so proud when we told him, then told us that that's not the first time she's said that very thing.  And to think, we do not encourage her or even call my dad lazy.  Her comedic timing is dead on, and keeps us in tears.  And that smile she gives, or that giggle, like she knows she's good, how could you doubt her?  She gets on to Bailey as if she's me, using my tone, my 'Mama face', my words, the whole bit.  She's a miniature me when it comes to her mouth.  But she loves her babies and takes really good care of them, even if they are always naked.  She cuddles with her brother every chance she gets...of course she also steals his toys when he's not looking but whatever.

She's madly in love with Bailey and her daddy, me well she tolerates most of the time.  Her day doesn't begin until Bailey gets home, and then it's like an explosion of Jocelyn when Daddy walks in the door.  No one plays like Bailey.  No one does pony rides like Daddy.  It's the sweetest, cutest thing to watch her light up when the boys are home.

She adores girly things.  Pink.  Sparkly.  SHOOOOES!  But don't you dare touch her hair.

I can go on, this does not scratch the surface of my baby girl, not eeeven close.  But I've got things to do and a certain birthday girl to cover with kisses.

Happy Birthday Jocelbean!  You are our squirrely nutball.  You make us laugh and shake our heads and dread you growing older because your only going to get better/worse the bigger you get.  Not sure we can handle it LOL.  Your our star, our rainbow baby, our sparkler on the 4th of July.  We love you more than words can say...


PS...promise me you'll be potty trained this year?? Mama is so done with diapers it's not even funny.

Not a joke, I promise

Anyone wanna do a project with me?

I know...stop laughing.  Please.

Stop.

Seriously.

Jocelyn's birthday and party is next Tuesday here at the house.  And since I have this deadline hanging over my head I've been more apt to clean.  It's not unknown that I do great under a deadline of someone coming over, and totally lazy when left to my own devices.  I don't make my own deadlines, I never ever have.  I do make great plans/goals and go apeshit crazy over putting them together but I don't complete them.

Which I'm sure is making you think 'Oh Nikki I'd love to do this project with you, you seem totally competent' right about now in a sarcastic tone.

Work with me please, ok?

I have 8 days, 5 full days with Bo's help, 2 full days with Bailey's help to get this house company ready.  I am not alone in this endeavor, and I will not have to do it all by myself.  Which has gotten me quite relaxed and stress free about it.  It's kinda nice....and why I'm thinking of making it a blog thing.

Like an 8 day trial run, blog trend...as a goal...as a project...with a deadline...by me.

I heard someone choke...

Turning 30

I remember about 13 years or so ago (totally can't remember, how's that for getting old hehe) when my BIL turned 30.  He was distraught and not happy at all.  I remember giving him a hard time about it right along with everyone else.  If I think a little harder, most of the people I've witnessed who've hit 30 has thrown a fit or been depressed about it.  Like my other BIL, who once Bailey was born swore he'd never have another birthday again (Bailey was born on his birthday) since it was no longer his so he could avoid hitting 30.

My 30th birthday is coming in February and Bo's is in April, and I'm here to tell you it's not THAT bad.  I think these two boys especially are just whiny bitches.  I again quote my grandma, you are only as old as you feel, and age isn't everything.  I don't feel old and I don't feel like crying because I'm about to turn the BIG 3-0.  I think the funniest part about our birthdays this year is not whining and throwing fits to show his brother and my BIL what big babies they were when they hit 30.

Bring on the black balloons and 'Older Than Dirt' signs all you want, you won't see us crying.

And because we're about to turn 30, I thought we should have a big 'ol bash to celebrate.  Neither of us have had a birthday party since we've been married...yeah we suck.  What's even worse is our short list of friends to invite.  I came up with the fab idea of having an all 80's party right down to the music and fashion.  Bo just rolled his eyes at me.  The nerve.

So I'm asking all you wonderful people, what did you do on your 30th?  I'm looking for ideas and inspiration, because I think we both need a big celebration this year.

Glowing ball of fluff

Yesterday was our nephew's 4th birthday party....at the lake.

Now I'm white, as in I glow in the dark pale and I don't get much darker.  Even with Cherokee and Choctaw Indian blood in my veins...that shows in my black eyebrows only.  I take after my grandma, pale skin and hair, and blue eyes.  This is one of the reasons why I don't wear shorts, I GLOW and it hurts the retinas.  But yesterday I had to...and I'm sure there are a few people waking up with spots in front of their eyes this morning, all thanks to my glowing legs and arms.

You see it's hot out there, like over 100F all month long, humid as hades and it's best to stay inside.  Why ANYONE would go camping in this beats the shiiiiaaaat out of me.  Well ok, why anyone would go camping period beats the shit out of me; I'm girly enough to loath camping.  I want air conditioning, indoor plumbing, a comfy bed, preferably mine so I'd have to move my house to the lake to camp.  Anyway, I don't like wearing shorts in my own home!  I feel so nasty and fat and I just HATE it.  But I knew if I wore my jeans and short sleeved shirt, I'd melt and no one would want to scoop me up because it's too damn hot.

My favorite part was 'swimming' in the ice cold creek off the lake.  Imagine a walk in freezer, and you get the gist of the temp of the water.  Your teeth chatter even if it is 104F, COOOOOLLLLDDDD.  But it's awesome on a hot day and we waded in the shallow water for an hour.  Jocelyn is so Bo and Bailey is so me, because she was trying to jump in and swim every chance she got and Bailey was just walking around not going under and trying to stay as dry as possible. 

After our swim was dinner and cake, my not so favorite part as I'm now wearing skin clinging, wet shorts and tank top (I don't own a bathing suit thank you very much).  I'm already uncomfy, now I'm wet and mortified.  It was a nightmare.  But there was lots of laughter and family and friends and that part I loved.  It really was fun, if only I had been more comfy I could have enjoyed it even more.

I think we've decided to do this again this weekend.  Which means, me in shorts again and I'll have to find a better top and maybe even gasp a bathing suite.  Lord and lady help us all, the glowing blob of fluff will return.

Oh we didn't see this coming

Today was Bailey's b-day party.  My parents, one sister and her daughter show up about 2 hours early so the kids could play.  Bo's blowing up the balloons, the kids are playing and we're all just chatting about nothing.

When Jocelyn throws up on my dad.

No really, she did.

Seems Bailey really had a stomach bug the other day and it wasn't something he ate like we later thought.  And now she has it.

Not to mention threw up a hole bunch of times, making the party a bit shall we say uncomfortable.  But it hasn't really stopped her, she was trying to play with the boys and wanted cake too.  Takes a lot to bring that spunky nutball down.

And guess what...Bo and I are now nauseous.

WTF to all things holy!?!?!?!

If you go back you'll notice that we've been sick with one thing or another CONSTANTLY since the end of April.  I even found a few mentions in March all the way to January so I guess you could really say we've been sick almost CONSTANTLY this entire year.

I blame Kindergarten; we've never been this sick in our lives.

I think we should sue.

Dear son

Today you turned 6.  How crazy is that?  You are no longer in Kindergarten and are now a cool First Grader!!!  I know this year was scary for you, and I know it's taken some getting used to, but that is life my child.  It's always throwing crap at you even when you can't hold the load thats already in your arms.

This new year is going to be full of even more surprises and adventures, and I want you to embrace them not let it scare you.  Look at me Bailey man, I let that fear hold me back from so many things that I miss out on all the fun stuff.  I don't want that for you.  I want you to have fun and enjoy life first hand like I never could.  So this year, its me and you bud, we'll both jump into new things so we can both get over this damn fear.

Yes Mama said damn, it's a nifty grown up word you can use someday.  It's like saying crap or holy mother of poo or son of a monkey's butt in June.

You've grown so much and I'm not talking about how tall you've become.  You grew out of 5T months ago and are now in boys small.  I know it doesn't make sense to you, but I got a bit teary eyed at that.  T is for toddler, you officially grew out of the toddler section and into the small child one.  I have to say knowing you're one of the smaller ones in your class helps me cope with this growth spurt.  But what I'm talking about is how you've gotten better at interacting with Jocelyn.  You two have your moments of screaming fits, but you try to talk to her now and you try to work through these moments.  It's a nice change.  Now if only you'd remember she's only two and realize you can't make her play school or tell her to pretend a line on the floor is a road, she is not up to your level of play time yet dear.  You went from being with me all day, or your Daddy or a grandparent, to being with strangers all day long.  And yes, this was another of those moments where I had tears.  I want you with me, I gave birth to you it should be me spending all day with you, not someone who doesn't deserve it...ok so Mama has issues with teachers taking my time away.  It took a while to get into the routine of school, and even a few days ago you fought it, but believe it or not, you've done awesome at your first year of school.  All your teachers couldn't tell us enough how awesome and smart you are...and how you've told them how to do something a time or two when they were wrong...you may have gotten that from me ;).  You're more of a person now and not such a baby.  It goes on and on, basically you've grown up a lot this past year.  Go you!

I know you don't like long talks, so I'll stop here.  But know this munchkin, Mama loves you no matter what.

Happy Birthday Bailey Scott!  Hugs, kisses and all that jazz from me, Daddy and Jocelbean.


Missing his first tooth

Celebration

Today is the hubsters birthday.  He's now a whopping 29 year old hot stud.

Who rang in his birthday last night/early morning by waking me up to have sex...although he started before I was awake...and before he was, so he claims.

I'm beginning to think that maybe he's developed a love of fondling me in my sleep and he's just faking that he's asleep during most of it.  He likes 'em asleep folks...dirty man ;).

Happy birthday babe, you mean everything to me.  I love you like the moon loves the stars, like the flowers love rain, like peanut butter loves chocolate.  Screw Jelly, that shit's for kids ;).

Where's my candle?

Today is my 29th birthday.  Woohoo.

I've already had people make the comment that the dreaded 3-0 is around the corner.  They were expecting me to be all 'OMG my life is so over, 30 is ancient! I just can't take the pressure', but what they got was 'yeah, and?'.

My grandma always said that age is just a number and she felt like she was still young at 82.  That's how I feel.  Yeah it is scary in the sense that the number is getting higher, but it's still a number and it's life.  Whoopdy doo!

Nothing special is planned for today, that's tomorrow ;).  We're leaving the kids with my MIL, going to lunch and a movie.  This is our usual birthday date, and as much fun as we always have, I'm thinking one day we need to shake things up a bit. 

Ok scratch that, something special is planned today if everything goes to plan.  I'm making my FAVORITE cake in the entire world, Wacky Cake.  Most people say its similar to a brownie, it's so fluffy and chewy and moist and OMG delicious, and it's a cake my mother had when she was a child.  You top it with Hershy chocolate cake icing.  But the tastyness doesn't stop there my friends, oh no.  I take a huge chunk of my chocolatly chocolate cake, a big helping of frozen vanilla custard and top it off with M&M pretzels.  It's a wacky sundae if you will...pun intended....and it's the best damn thing in the entire world!

I'm curious to know what Bo got me for my birthday, but shhh my favorite part is my Wacky Cake.

And all that will happen IF he gets the chance to pick up the frozen custard today.

I'm looking forward to this year.  Yeah it's been rocky so far, but well that's life right?  Nothing is perfect, and if everything I'm going through is the worst I can complain about then I'm doing pretty damn good. 

Ode to a nut ball.

Today, dear Jocelyn, you turned 2.  I know you are confused about this, since everyone was going on and on about your birthday a few days ago.  But today is THE day you were born.  THE day you came out of my belly and into this bright, crazy world.

Before you were born, I knew you'd be a something else.  You did your own thing even then.  Whenever my midwife asked me where I felt you last, I'd tell her, and you'd be somewhere else.  You'd flip flop in my stomach as if doing gymnastics from early on.  I just had this feeling, you were going to be a flying by the seat of your pants person.

And so far, I was right.

You do the craziest, cutest things, it just melts everyone around you.  Yet in a split second, you can give this ornery, up to no good look, and dive into trouble with a contagious giggle.  It makes it hard disciplining you.  You're too damn cute and too smart about what you do to be mad.

But you are fabulous at distracting those around you....and keeping us from doing things we need to be doing.

As sad as I am that you are my last munchkin, I am so excited to see you grow and see what new adventures you'll bring to this family. 

Like potty training, which is on your agenda now.  Hopefully the next time you pee in the toilet it won't scare you to death.

This year you've learned how to walk, and run, to speak, to play and make believe, you've discovered bubbles and balloons and pizza.  You've developed your own taste in things, and discovered SHOES and SPARKLY girly things...and squeal whenever you see them and babies..OMG babies are your kryptonite. 

This year is going to be amazing, Jocelyn!

Mama loves you, as does anyone who comes in sight of you, my beautiful girl

Aftermath

Saturday our house was filled with family.  And the little girl that was the center of the party, was more interested in the balloons than anything else.

Oh yeah and the presents.

Only after the boys opened them for her.

And the cake.

Oh the cake was awesome.  Chocolaty sweet goodness.

Remind me next time though, to take the photos myself.  Cause Bo didn't get near enough of them, and not enough good ones.

Sorry Bo, still love ya anyway.

I think the best one taken, was of our nephew, Hoss....

Sorry little man, Aunt Nikki couldn't help herself...you'll understand someday.

And now the house, that we did get clean by the way, is a mess...surprise surprise.  We just collapsed yesterday after everyone left, leaving everything for today.  Today we got up exhausted, and trudged off to my parents for lunch as our usual Sunday activity.  We skipped groceries and the cleaning again today...well I have, I'm DONE.  Bo can clean up if he so wishes.  I on the other hand, am going to cuddle on the couch in my jammies, and turn in early.

When things get tough, make cocktails...

Tomorrow is Jocelyn's birthday party; she'll turn two on Monday.  

Normally when I have a deadline of people coming over, I do better at keeping up.  I mean, ok so I do get behind and still have things 5 minutes before the people show up but ahem I do my task list...slowly.  But this time, I just haven't had it in me.

And I think I know why.  Two weeks ago I decided to stop taking my happy pills.  No no, it's ok really, don't panic...yet.  I wanted to see if it was causing my lack of sleep.  And my spacing out and brain garbled into such a mess I miss things in front of my face and forget my name half the time. 

Plus I hate taking meds, hate hate hate it; I'd love to be able to not have to take them.  That's not saying I won't take them again or that I don't agree with it, oh no I wouldn't be where I am today without those little gems.  I just want to do this without them.  I want to find a way to not need antidepressants.  How...well I'm still working on it.  But at the time, I think I'm hitting the withdrawal period. 

I kept forgetting my pills about three weeks before I stopped taking them, so in a way I weaned myself.  I can definitely tell something's way off.  I have a hard time focusing and staying motivated.  I jump around to things more often, spending very little time on anything.  I'm exhausted.  I'm moody.  The best sounding activity to me, is to sleep, alone, wrapped up in blankets for a few days.

Which oddly enough is how they made me feel in the first place, but it's different now somehow.  I can't put my finger on it, but it's just different.

So tonight we have a ton left to do to get ready for her party tomorrow.  We always manage to do it, but it's still stressful to have so much left at the buzzer.

I've petitioned some helpers tonight, and they are Coconut Rum, pineapple juice, and cranberry juice...

Happy Birthday

Dear Grandma,

Today marks the 98th anniversary of the day you were born.  It's one of my favorite days, although it's also one of the saddest.

It's now been eleven years since you passed; a lifetime without you it seems.  And still my eyes tear up at the thought that I can't pick up the phone to hear your voice or hug you or see that beautiful smile of yours. 

After all this time, it's still so hard to think of you without tears or pain.  That's how much you mean to me, to all of us.  I believe that we keep you alive by thinking of you.  So many things remind me of you, and I'd like to think you know this.  That each time I think of you, you 'wake up' and hear me and what I'm saying.  Otherwise all those conversations with you in my head are for nothing and I really need stronger meds, haha. 

There isn't much I can say that you don't already know, as I know you watch over us.  Dena and I have too many similar dreams, only days apart about you to be otherwise.  Plus I can feel you when I cook, did you know that?  I may hate to cook at times, but I love the way it makes me feel like you're standing there beside me helping.  And tell Grandpa I love it when he visits.   I love the smell of his pipe and it never fails to make me laugh a little at how sudden and how strong it is.   Also, tell him to do it when Bo is around next time; he's only smelled the pipe once.

I'm sure you're excited that you're going to be a great great grandma for the third time.  The circumstances may not be the best for K, but it's still a blessing and another person will be on the planet that has a part of you inside them.  K's baby is going to be another in a long line of incredible people, and it's all because of you.

Thank you Grandma.  Thank you for everything you did for me while you were here with me.  Thank you for a million little things that still make me smile.  Thank you for being the incredible woman you were.  My only complaint, is I didn't get to have you in my life long enough. 

Hugs and kisses...

Love you like the moon loves the stars...

And the birthday week is done..

Saturday was Bailey's birthday party and this year I decided to bake the cake.  It's one my mom makes, and I've baked it many times before so no big deal.  It's called Wacky Cake, and its the best damn chocolate cake I have ever had and it will always be my favorite....although its nothing like the Wacky Cake recipes I've found.  I ran across a cake pan that makes the cake look like a cream filled cookie.  Hell yeah!!
This cake is extremely moist and so thick its insane and I'm thinking that is why it turned out like this...

I should have realized something was off when the top cake wouldn't come out of the pan.  I had to wiggle and jiggle and wack it on the side of the bar to get it to come out.  The entire design on the top of the cake layer was what stuck, so my choice was lumpy or rounded on which side to face up.  When I tried to put it on top, the thing broke, causing the cream filling to run down the side (as you can see above).  The more I tried to fix it, the worse it looked.  And by the time we put the candle on it, which was in one of the many cracks I might add, the thing was barely together.

But hey it tasted awesome and everyone loved it!  It was still moist and thick and chewy, if only it looked as awesome as it tasted.  We all laughed the whole time at how pitiful it looked and how I should either practice with this recipe and the pan until I get it right or buy a cake next time. 

Notice the fork.  As soon as Bo started to cut it it broke more and so he had to scoop most of it with a fork. Although now we look back and think a spoon would probably have worked better.  If you look closely you can see all the chunks that rolled onto the table as he cut the slices.  I should have taken a pic of how it looked once he got it on the plate but you can pretty much see that by the avalanche on the right side of the cake...it barely resembled a cake folks.

I don't like to normally show evidence of when I screw up, I'll tell you about it cause its funny but I won't take a photo of it.  Except this was too good not to share.  I don't think anyone is ever going to let this thing die, and I am ok with that.  Because I still get a giggle at how badly it turned out.  I'm thinking of framing these photos and hanging them up somewhere as a trophy of how I am more of a cook than a baker.

On his day

This past week Bo and I have asked Bailey what he'd like to do on his day.  Whatever it is we'd do, if it was possible.  Like the zoo, or the park or the movies....and you know what requests he had?

Food.

Yup he's my son.  He has chosen our meals for the day and although they are yummy I'm kinda dreading it.  I've been doing fairly well these past few days on working out and eating FINALLY, and now its going to fly away giving me the finger.

For breakfast it was blueberry pancakes.  Bo forgot to pick up the blueberries last night minutes after I told him why we needed them.  It's a good thing we had a handful left in the freezer, Bailey got the blueberries, it is his day after all.

We will ignore the fact that it took me over 30 minutes to put together the pancake mix.  OVER 30 MINUTES FOLKS.  I was half asleep, no coffee had passed my lips yet and I was trying to measure out 6 cups of flour with a 1/2 cup measuring cup because I was too tired to wash the cup.  I finally gave up after the 4th attempt and washed the damn measuring cup and then messed up two more times....its finally mixed and now we can go back to having pancakes on Saturdays. 

We had lunch at his favorite restaurant, then headed over for some frozen custard.  He's 5 now you know, so he got his own with M&M's (aka concrete).   I had the Blackberry Cheesecake concrete..yeah I'm bragging it was oh so tasty mwuahahaha. 

It's been a long day, and Bailey is just bouncing off the walls that it is still his day.  And I have to say, its nice to know he doesn't require much to make him happy.   Just some fluffy blueberry pancakes, a grilled cheese sandwhich with fries and some frozen custard, and he's on cloud 9. 

Now I'm off lie on the couch like a bloated whale....

My baby turns 5

My son turns 5 tomorrow and it seems impossible.  This picture was taken just hours after he was born.  I remember seeing him for the first time and thinking how much he looks like my dad.  Considering he's the only boy in the family, he better, haha.  We named him Bailey Scott. Bailey was after my Daddy Billy (this was as close as we could agree on to my Daddy's name~insert eye roll for you Bo~) and Scott was, well do you remember the TV show Party of Five??? Yeah, that's where I got his full name ;).  Seriously I still can't get over Scott Wolf's dimples.  I chose it when I was 15 and finally got to use it at 23.

When Bo and I first started dating I had a dream about a little boy.  It was so real I could feel him in my arms.  Then Bailey was born and there was the baby from my dream.  He has my eyes, he has my smile, but everything else is Bo.  I described this baby for years, and now we have him.

He was calm and quiet most of the time in the womb and he's turned out to be the same outside.  He minds like no other child I know, but he does have his moments...especially lately.  We can take him anywhere and know he's going to mind.  We can leave him alone to go take a shower and we know he won't get into mischief of any kind.  He's so smart we're afraid he'll pass us in another year or so.  And the little ancklebitter can maneuver his way around a computer like a pro, and has for the last year.  He is calm and smart like Bo, and has an imagination and a big talker like me.  Of course he's a goofball just like we are.  It's crazy to look at him and see such a mixture of us.

Then of course he's allergic to change just like his Papa (love you Daddy).

This boy of ours is amazing and incredible and just so damn edible that I don't want to share him with the students and teachers he'll be meeting in August.  He's mine, and I hate that I'm handing him over to complete strangers.  I've been with him 24/7 since he was conceived, if it wasn't me it was Bo or our moms taking care of him.  He's going to have so much fun, much more than sitting at home with a boring Mama.

Bailey, you have no clue how much you are loved by everyone in this family.  We can't get enough of the songs you make up, or the stories you tell, or hearing you giggle at your own joke.  We can't get enough of your hugs and kisses and the way you lay your head on our shoulder to watch TV.  We love watching you make believe with your toys and your imaginary friends, and could listen to you all day...and do most of the time, haha.  You are so incredibly smart that at times you tell us how it is instead of us telling you.  You are an amazing big brother to Jocelyn, and I know that someday you'll beat the shit out of the boy who breaks her heart.  Mama and Daddy will be so proud ;).  In your 4th year you learned how to ride a bike, a scooter and climbed up a huge slide that made Mama want to pee her pants.  You've learned how to drink in cups without straws although you hate to do it, cause its a CHANGE and that's evil.  You've discovered Twinkies, and everytime we go grocery shopping you ask where they are, not can I have more, you just want to see the box.  Don't worry, we'll get you more sometime.  Your love for Rockband has grown so much that I'm pretty sure you know the words to every song on the game (which is more than I want to count considering you and Daddy download new songs every Tuesday) and can play every part/instrument on the game better than most adults. 

You are an amazing little boy, who will no doubt be an amazing man someday.  We love you bubba!

His, wink wink, XXX birthday present

The darkness enveloped us as we entered the theatre. We expected to see the normal groupings of people, but to our surprise there was no one but the two of us. We headed up to the top row of seats; they became a dark cave with the sides of the stairs casting an extra shadow over the seats.

I don’t remember the previews on the screen, but I do remember him pulling me into his lap and us laughing at where my legs were going to go. The arm holds we discovered right away were not going to work for us. Keeping to the shadows, we kissed and touched as if we were teenagers again. The surroundings, the chance of someone coming in suddenly drove us wild.

Amongst the previews and the beginning of the movie, we got lost in each other, cherishing that hidden, stolen moment as much as we could. The movie was so loud, we couldn’t hear ourselves, and that made us hold nothing back. No one could hear, no one could see. It was just us.

The intensity was more than we have ever experienced.

                                                                            _______

If only that happened.

Haha did you really think we had sex in the movie theatre? I admit we did think and talk about it, we even said sweet nothings to each other during the movie previews. But no, we did not scrog in the back of the theatre. We were alone until about 30 minutes in to the movie, which was kind of disappointing. It was only one woman, but still it was almost like the movie was just for us, our own private showing of Alice in Wonderland. Oh well.

For Bo’s 28th birthday we watched the movie, had dinner together at a local pizza place (which was fing awesome I might say and I can never ever look at a pizza chain again), we stopped by our favorite frozen custard place, and swung by the grocery store before finally heading home to the kids.

After the popcorn, lots of pop, pizza, breadsticks, and frozen custard we were waddling instead of walking. I wish I had the Flip with us because it was quite funny as we were heaving and hoeing to get into my truck. Even now, hours later we don’t want to move, we just want to stay still because we are soooooooo full. But hey, not every day is a birthday right?

Happy 28th birthday my love! And if we can move later, well we’ll see what we can do about the XXX present…..

Another year gone

Tomorrow I turn 28, although it feels like last year I graduated high school.  I’m not sad or scared or upset about getting closer to 30, like many are.  My grandma was 82 and would say your only as old as you feel and she felt like she was still in her 20’s.  If she could do that with a weathered body, tired eyes, hands and feet, I can do that at 28 or 102.  If she can do it, so can I.

What have I learned in my 28 years?  Ha, well a lot and I know that there is so much more to learn.  I don’t know everything and even if I live to be 200, I still won’t know it all.

I know, that a marriage is a special thing.  It’s not about me or him.  It’s about us.  It’s about compromise, its about losing the fight sometimes, it’s about being wrong more than being right, it’s about love, it’s about partnership.  It’s not about competition, its not about being right, its not about being in charge or in control, its not about winning, its not about you.  It’s us or nothing.  It’s a partnership or you are roommates with extras.  It’s so much more than you realize when you first take that step.  It’s so much harder than you ever imagined. 

I know, that relationships come and go and that is how it is.  People evolve throughout their lives, and we grow into different beings.  If a relationship ends, then learn from it and do better next time.  It’s not personal, it’s not to hurt anyone, it’s just what happens.  But friends are a precious luxury that should be cherished and nourished, because our friends are who we lean on when times get tough.  Family isn’t just those who share blood or a name.  Family is more than parents, siblings, aunts and uncles, and cousins.  Friends are a branch of family all on their own.  Don’t just let people drift away.  Don’t just ‘forget’ or ‘put it off’ for another day to contact someone.  Because tomorrow may not come.

I know, that in all the rush to get somewhere we miss out on where we are.  This world has turned into rush rush rush, lets get it done now, I want it now.  And we’re missing out on the little things.  Like making homemade items instead of buying them.  There are so many lost arts because its so much easier to buy it than take the time to put a little blood and sweat, with love sprinkles into something for someone special.  We don’t take the time to wonder about tomorrow because its all about today.  Yet tomorrow is when we see our wrongs. 

I know, that when you are wrong admit it.  Because pouting and throwing a fit shows other’s just how immature you really are.  Only the mature, the strong, can admit when they are wrong and do something to fix it.

And there is so much more that I’ve learned, but there is even more that I need to learn.  Age, to me, isn’t where you get your wisdom or smarts.  To me, its about the paths you take and the pain you endure that creates wisdom.  Those as young as 10 can have more wisdom in some situations that a 50 year old wouldn’t. 

Happy early birthday to me.  Another year gone, another chapter to add to my story.  I never really had a plan for my future, but I do know, that I wouldn’t change my past.  It has got me here, it has made me who I am, and without all that, I wouldn’t have the happiness that I have found.

There was a knocking at my door.

I wonder who could it be?

Why it’s two boxes?!?!?

Hmmm

I wrack my brain trying to figure out oh what could it be?

OOOOH I know what it is!!!  This is when I noticed the weird orange glow of my photos, sorry so I moved to the living room.

  

Are you excited?  Can you tell yet??

Notice how I unceremoniously dumped the contents out on the couch, threw the boxes on top, and lovingly placed the boxes next to the heap.

And then my camera died, otherwise you would have seen me lick my new video camera.

What does all this mean you may be wondering?  Well its not to brag, by any means.  The video camera we had before, is bulky, won’t record unless it is plugged into the wall and is about 10 years old.  You have NO idea how in awe I am of this new lightweight companion of mine, but I digress.  The point is, I will be doing some vlogging now!  This means you will have to put up with me even more, cause now you get to hear my strange voice, my southern American drawl, and see just how twitchy and nerdy I really am.  Aren’t you excited????

Can we say EEEEEE

So in two weeks I’ll be turning 28, and like always age is just a number to me so its no biggie that I’m inching closer to the dreaded 30.  Which I have to say totally pisses people off when I don’t respond to their jokes.  LOVE IT.  Anywho, I’ve been begging and begging for a certain item for a long time and one reason or another I back off because its sorta expensive.  This year, for my birthday I begged some more.  I said “Oh please oh please Big Daddy (aka Bo) can I have this for my birthday?  I will gladly accept it for Valentines Day, my birthday, and Mother’s Day if only I can finally have it”.  And guess what!?!?! I am getting it.  All the begging was wasted sadly since we found one in our birthday budget.

What is it you may be asking?  Are you scratching your head in wonder at what this certain something could be that I haven’t given up on asking for?  Well haha you’ll just have to wait until it gets here! MWUAHAHA.

The count down is about 6 days, since shipping and all could change I’m hoping that it comes sooner.  Every noise outside my door sends me rushing to see if IT is here.  Be prepared for a shrine for this special something, pictures and loving posts all catered to IT.  I’m going to come up with a name for IT, because IT is going to be so big around here that there has to be a name for IT.  So stay tuned for the big debut of my special gift!

Miss don’t you dare give it away either, no ‘guessing’ my friend!