Friday, October 27, 2006

My friend.

My best friend just called me with sad news, and good news. She and I met in highschool and have been very close ever since. Even when she moved away our Senior year we never lost that connection. It might be 6 months or a year between calls, but we pick up where we left off. The news was of her addiction to drugs and pregnancy. I knew she had dabbled in a few things because she told me. But she hadn't been completely truthful.

It seems she's been taking quiet a few drugs in these six years since she moved away. She has blank spots where she has no clue where she was or what happened. My stomach plummeted when she said that. I had no idea she had been that low. She also tells me there were times where she took so much she's shocked she survived. I could have lost my best friend and wouldn't have known it. You see she lives in a town 4 hours or so away. I know her sister and brother but they don't know how to reach me. I would never have known what happened to her or her little boy. And a few months ago it had gotten so bad she lost custody of her son. The authorities left him with her sister, thank goodness so she knows where he is and can see him easily. But she lost him. She was busted with drugs, with him by herside! I am still in shock.

The girl I knew was smart, free spirited and knew where she wanted to go in life. The girl I know now is far from that person. She's been abused, she's been starving, she's been happy, she's been sad, she's had it worse than I can imagin. I wish she had told me how bad things had gotten. I can't believe it was that horrible and she never once said anything. I would like to think I could have helped in some way. I won't say I know I could have because in situations like this, the person has to help themselves before you can do anything. If only she hadn't moved away, because the moment she stepped back into that town she started falling. I wasn't there to catch her. Thats what a friend does, and I wasn't there. She couldn't tell me just like I can't tell my friends how I am doing.

Now my issues seem pathetic compared to hers. Yeah so I'm paranoid about leaving my house and of a few other stupid things. But that is nothing to losing your child because of drugs. Happy people don't take drugs. How sad and low she must have been to make the decision to try drugs. I will continue to post about my phobias, to get them out of me, to get closure or peace. But this has changed something inside me. My problems are fixable with help and determination. But her problems may never be fixed.

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