Chaos

It has been total chaos around here. I haven't had much time to sit down and blog. I missed it. Let's see I have now lost 25 pounds. Yippee! That means 20 pounds to go, that is attainable. I think because I stopped taking the happy pills it messed up the ol metabolism and that is why I couldn’t lose anything for a little over a month. I lost three pounds in a week and now I’m stuck again at the same weight for the second week in a row. This is going to be harder now but that’s ok, I’m still not giving up. Besides I’m going down another size and that just helps me continue trying. Victoria Secret is my new buddy now that I can wear their stuff and it actually looks good on me. Yeah I just said that. Weird. I also bought a bathing suit, it’s not the hottest look in the world and I do glow from being so white, but it’s not grotesque and that is a plus. We even bought a small pool for the backyard and I got out in it even though the neighbors could see me. That is a major plus since I used to wear shirts over my bathing suits. If only I could tan maybe I wouldn’t feel like I stood out like a sore thumb.

Good news or could possibly be good news, hubby and I have been talking about having another baby. We’ve been talking about it since the munchkin was born. But here lately we have seriously discussed trying soon. I go back and forth on it. A part of me is completely terrified of going through labor again, being pregnant and having a newborn is not scary in the slightest. But I want a baby, either I suck it up and get knocked up or we adopt. We don’t have the money to adopt so….lets get knocked up I guess. Today I’m all for it, but come Monday I’ll probably be afraid again. Maybe that’s because at the moment I can’t get pregnant, and next week Aunt Flo will be gone and we could start trying (well technically not for another 2 weeks but whatever). I wonder if we didn’t try to prevent it if I did get pregnant if I would be scared. Because it would be sort of an accident instead of planned and maybe that wouldn’t stress me out so much. Who knows, but this lets have one now no lets wait shit is really getting on my nerves. At first we were going to wait until I hit my goal weight, but losing a lot then gaining it back isn’t healthy. I’m only 20 lbs from my goal weight and I’m 20 lbs from where I was when I got pregnant with the munchkin. I won’t get so big or hopefully I won’t this next time. And since I know WW works and that I can lose weight I can’t see it being much harder next time. I need an eight ball or a coin to flip to tell me what to do because I’m totally clueless. The hubby is actually ok with having one now. Last time he wasn’t completely ok with it but I was determined to get pregnant so he had no choice. Maybe he’ll have to do what I did and say either we do this the easy way or I tie you down and do it myself. That could be interesting…..