Thursday, July 09, 2009

Pitty party

Years ago we had friends whom we routinely did things with. Miss, Seth, Bo and I hung out daily when they lived here. Then they moved away and we began hanging out with our other friends more. Then they moved away. Not to sound all oh poor pitiful me, but none of my close friends live near by, and that makes a girl a bit lonely and more of a recluse.

We do have friends locally, they are either new friends or friends we’ve lost touch with that we only recently reconnected. After going so long without having friends over and such, it’s somehow hard to get back into the routine. I miss nights playing games. I miss making dinner for everyone. I miss the laughter. I miss my friends. And sadly their moving away has helped me go deeper inside myself.

I used to go places with friends; I used to want to hang out with people. Now I am perfectly content staying home and not having people over. The only time I notice how lonely it is, is when Bo goes to hang out with his friends from work. Then it its like, wow we used to have so much fun and now look at what we do, or what I do. He goes to play golf from time to time with the boys from work, and I’m so happy he has this because he needs it. Just like I need it, but I’m struggling with getting back to that. I don’t know why it’s so hard. I don’t understand how I can have friends that would love to do stuff with me, but I can’t pick up the phone and say hey lets go do something.

My dragon has turned me into a recluse, a hermit, a loner. Something I never was. Something I don’t want to be but don’t know how to change it. Miss really has no idea how bad its become, and if she did, if any one did, they'd be shocked because I'm nothing like the person they once knew. It sounds so simple to make the phone call or send the email, but its not. It’s so hard and it makes no sense, but what else about this whole mess makes any sense. This is my new goal, to pick up that damn phone, make the call and say hey I need a girl’s afternoon, are you with me?

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