Friday, November 27, 2009

Nothing said, nothing healed

There is so much I want to say, to get out but most of it I can’t. It’s not fair, or polite, and it’s definitely not the mature thing to do. What do I do or what can I do? I’m still not sure.

One thing I can do is state some obvious without bringing people into this. Because it’s these people that I love and do not want to hurt, and by reading this, it could blow this thing up into something unfixable. I couldn’t live with that.

I’ve never been someone who liked competition. Seeing someone with something I don’t have but want doesn’t make me willing to do anything and everything to get it. And if it was something unattainable, I certainly don’t blame that person for having it, or hate them or ignore them or anything but be happy and proud of their success. If anything it might inspire me to change for the better so I can have it too.

How people don’t think things through like that and hurt whoever they have to to get something, I don’t know and I don’t think I will ever know. But I do know something, it’s STUPID. It’s childish. It’s hurtful. It’s a waste of time. It’s a waste of brain cells. Not only all that but it drives people away from you. There will come a day when you need someone, and if you spend your time wasting energy on jealous rivalry you’re going to be all alone and in dire need of a shoulder. My shoulder is only available for those who deserve it, and someone has lost that right. If they continue to pull this crap, it won’t just be mine they lose. If they don’t face up to what they’ve done, and apologize to those they’ve hurt and lied to, they will lose so much more. And the worst part is, its not just about one person, its about so many of us but that is being ignored.

I was taught that if you do wrong you make it right. If you hurt someone’s feelings you apologize, you don’t hide from them or pretend you did nothing wrong, that is the easy way out, or the pansy way. It takes a strong person to say they are sorry. It seems this person isn’t strong, but weak and childish. This person would rather put on a fake smile, put on fake affection and pretend they fart roses instead of owning up to what they have done.

Please own up to this. Please make that call and say you are sorry. Explain why you’ve done what you’ve done. Explain it and you never know, we may understand. We may even say we forgive you and try to help. And please, accept that help, don’t turn it into something ugly like you have been. You’re the one making it ugly not us. Please, it’s not just for you, its for all of us.

1 comment:

-MissC* said...

Oh sweetie. I have been here and it's rough and I am so sorry. I wish there was something I could do to fix things but Alas even with my infinite wisdom I cannot change hearts. Well I can....but that takes sex and I am not there for that.
;-) Love you sis!