Friday, December 11, 2009

Reaching the miles to hold you

Miss, my dear dear friend, has lost a relative, by suicide. She was 29, just a year older than I, with two kids. She shot herself over the weekend.

Over the years that we’ve known each other, Miss has been there for me for all the losses I’ve had. She’s always so positive, so comforting, and giving me hope that all will eventually be easier to handle. Now it’s my turn to do this for her and I find it horrible and painful that I can’t knock on her door, grab her in my arms and bawl with her. I can’t hold her and let her spill out her pain and stories of her cousin until she falls asleep. I feel like a bad friend that I can’t give her more comfort and support than saying I’m sorry. I’m not good with death, it frightens me and it pisses me off, so it leaves me at a loss for words. When she told me what happened, even through texts I could hear how upset she was. I’ve read her blogs and it is just aggravating that I’m not there for her in the flesh to help.

Miss I love you. I want you to know that I’m here for you, if you need to call and cry and just have me sit there and listen, I’m your girl. Whatever you need, let me ok. I’m sorry I can’t be there for you. I’m sorry that this happened. I’m so so sorry for your cousin and how incredibly unhappy and depressed she must have been to do such a thing. I hope she’s found peace.

1 comment:

-MissC* said...

Oh Nikki!
I love you so much. You have no idea how honored I feel reading this and knowing that I have a friend and sister like you to get me through everything.
Just knowing that you are only a phone call away makes dealing with this so much easier. Because I know I'm not alone. I love you I love you I love you!
Thank you!