Closer and closer

Today Bo had a pre-op appointment.

I got through yay, but my anxiety was so high I had to take many deep breaths and keep my foot jiggling to have something to concentrate on.  He’s scared and nervous since he’s never had surgery or even stitches, he does not need me freaking out and making it worse.  But I am struggling, and he knows it.  I don’t want him worrying about me, when he’s on his way to surgery.

I’m so worried about him.  I’m terrified of something going wrong.  I can’t stop worrying about that.  And of course the nurse brought up the whole “Do you give permission to a blood transfusion if it is needed?” I almost swallowed my tongue.  Seriously?? DID YOU NOT KNOW I WAS IN THE ROOM LADY??? Hello my name is Nikki, I have issues, I have this thing where I worry about EVERYTHING that can go wrong in anything that you do, and you just gave me more ammo.  Thank you, I’ll be sending you hate mail soon.   Oh and so I don’t forget, thanks for telling us about the whole tube going down his throat thing, its going to make my dreams so colorful.  Even medicated and feeling better than I have in so long, I’m worrying like crazy and on the verge of tears with fear.

I think if it was simply a vasectomy, I wouldn’t be so worried, but its not.  He’s being put under, there will be two incisions, extra pain and swelling.  The pain he’s going to have…I just feel horrible for him and I keep asking what can I do to help this week be as good as it can be.  His answer, don’t do anything special for him its no big deal.  But its a big deal to me.  Hell, I’ll iron his underwear if it will help his jewels feel better. 

I’m not sure how much blogging I’ll be doing over the next few days, his surgery is on Wednesday and then he’ll have a week and a half of recovery before going back to work.  With how my nerves are today, I imagine as the day gets closer, it will get harder and harder to write anything other than my worries.

I’ll try not to drive you guys crazy with it.   I apologize now for the all the boo hooing that may come…that’s if I can manage to write.