Friday, May 14, 2010

Randomness of Nikki

To give you a slight peak into my lovely warped brain, I wanted to share the weird things thats running around up there these last few days.  Plus I couldn't be the only one thinking of this stuff, I need company.  Be warned, there are a few very XXX rated subjects that you may find embarrassing.

My husband went to the doctor yesterday to see if the vasectomy worked.  I, ahem, well thats just sooo weird if you ask me.  And they don't give the cup there, oh no they sent one home with him to take his sample in!  All day yesterday I kept thinking things like, do we put this stuff on ice?  How early before his appointment should he um...yeah??  And wow, whose job is it to handle that stuff?  If it were me I'd be laughing my butt off while cringing ever so slightly at the thought of what's in that little clear cup, and that I have to run tests on it.  See now its in your head too, haha.  Ok sorry but I can't be the only one morbidly wondering about this.  (In case your concerned, they found 1 swimmer and he has to go back in a few weeks to make another deposit, haha, before he gets clearance)

I was reading up on my celebrity gossip and ran across a clense that Debra Messing says she did and swears by it.  I looked it up, and basically you eat air.  You can't have dairy, sugar, pasta/starches, wheat, processed anything, everything must be organic or right from the source, any fruits and vegetables cannot have any kind of chemical on them, oh  and no red meat.  Yeah...even in my parents garden I'm pretty sure they put something on it to kill the bugs or to help the stuff stay healthy.  It's as organic as it comes, and yet according to this clense, its not clean enough.  Whats left?  All veggies and fruits are pretty much out since everyone uses something on them.  So your left with water, chicken, pork and seafood.  I'd much rather eat smaller portions, drink tons of water than live on chicken in a water sauce.  Not to mention that a "body clense" sounds like this side of hades...They have these pills in the store that can do that and you don't have to cut back on eating, hahaha.

And speaking of weight loss, I'm oh so peeved that I have lost only 10 pounds on Weight Watchers.  The system works, and you don't have to give up the foods you love!  But I forget to take care of myself, and that showes every week when I step on that stupid scale.  But the weirdest part of this whole 10lbs weight loss, is that I am three and a half sizes apparently.  In most brands of jeans I'm a very very loose 14, in some I'm a can't breath 12, and in others I'm a loose 12....What the crap kind of measurements is that?  Shouldn't I be the same or at least relatively close to the same size.  I can understand one size being way baggy and another being squeeze and tug to get them on tight, because thats how it has been for me for a long time.  But this?  Well this just boggles me and I cannot help but wonder who is having a laugh at me, because thats the only explanation I can come up with.

This morning it was raining like crazy, for a good 2 hours it was non stop pouring! I had an eye appointment after the worst was over thankfully, and while chatting with the employees and dr, I learned that it was basically a river down our main street. At one point, there were garbag bags floating down the road! I feel terrible for those that have been affected by floods, I know its scary and deadly. But I couldn't help but picture someone floating down Mt. Olive in a raft, humming a tune and waving to people. I'm surprised no one did since everyone I ran into today said the very same thing, haha.

Going back toward the first mentioned subject pondering (LOL thought I'd give you a short break), I have noticed a slight odd pattern in the books I read.  I promise not to use the exact words, although I'm not afraid of them, but because some little eyes may run across this, and well I'd feel bad, plus my cousins know where I live.  I've noticed that more attention has been given to the penis than the vagina in books. How so you may be wondering? Well there are a bijillion, one word names for a penis that is used, while the vagina is vaguely named with multiple adjectives (ie, her center, her core, the valley) that are supposed to be pretty or romantic but really aren't. I find this very odd, since well obviously I can say what these body parts are and find nothing dirty or wrong with them whatsoever...unless its in a dirty joke and then I'll laugh with ya. But if they are going to go so far as use the very vulger words and words only to be said in the bedroom (if then) for that particular appendage, why can't they use better names for the vagina? Does that mean the book should be in the erotic section if the author does use these terms? It's like a vice versa from movies, you see the whole show pretty much of a woman yet all you see of the man is his back and butt.  If your going to show one, show the other, its the same thing anyway, a naked human, oooh scary.  The same goes for writing, why can't you say and describe them both the same way? I was telling this to Bo the other night and well the lovely man that is my husband said to me "Would you like to see my semi aquatic mammal"...~insert eye roll~ And that pretty much describs just how a woman is described in many books.  How is it fair to be vulgar in descriptions of one body and be evasive and almost childish of another???

So there you go, many odd things thats floating around my noggin.  Anyone have some random weird thoughts today too?


One Love Mama said...

Kudos for dropping 10 lbs. I really need to get my act together and lose 10 myself. I hate diets!!!!

Draft Queen said...

All those euphemisms for penis make me giggle like a school girl. I can only imagine what some of the nicknames for a vagina would be. And how they'd also make me giggle.

Nikki said...

One Love Mama -Awe thanks! I'm semi happy with it, but since its been since February that I've been on Weight Watchers thats not all that impressive. WW is really not a diet, its more just paying attention to what you eat. I have had a brownie fudge sundae for dinner before, diets don't let you do that ;).

Draft Queen - It does make me giggle sometimes too. I even insert the word I'd use, and it turns out so much better, LOL.

Jodene said...

Hahaha ... I felt as though we share lives for a moment. All the way from the 'um' giggles to the some size fit and the same damn ones don't.

I cannot do a diet where I have to eat air. I mean really ... who survives without peanut butter and ice cream. On a healthier note ... who survives feeling full on a plate of lettuce and an apple a day! Life's too much fun!!

Nikki said...

Exactly Jodene! If you can't eat what you love, whats the point? I love WW because of that...I just need to remember to take care of myself so the system ACTUALLY works.

Glad I can make everyone laugh ;)