To kick the cat or not to kick the cat

I am not about to tell you to go kick your cat so please no animal hater BS ok.  I am an animal lover and would rather have animals around me over most humans I know

With that said, I'm so close to BBQing my cat.

I don't know how I do it but I manage to find the cats that are just mental.  100% pure mental fucking cats.  Yes I know cats are ornery and emotional drama queens, again I've had cats all my life I already know this.  But I manage to find the ones that are evil coniving little shits hell bent on distroying things.   

#1 Shadow, he was a beautiful hymalayan sweetheart who we got from family...who couldn't fathom peeing in the litter box.  Pooping he did just fine, but peeing was supposed to be done at night and in the corner of the living room.  He also had a huge attachment to plastic sacks, which if he found one, would eat it and then start choking.  He'd get very mad when you took the bag away and would actually try to get it back.  No matter what we did he wouldn't pee in the litter box.  We changed litter, changed boxes, moved the box to the spot he peed in, nothing worked.

#2 Gypsy, she was a gorgeous calico cat that an apartment manager found and gave to me.  I called her Gypsy because she was constantly trying to run away.  While we had her, she tried to commit suicide twice by running head on into an open window, knocking the screen out and falling from the second story.  Both times we found her days later perfectly fine, and she was happy to see us.  She was very sweet and loving and her favorite place to sleep was on my stove, right after I cooked because it was warm.  A "friend" of ours tormented her one day to the point of her peeing all over herself and not long after that she began attacking people and hiding.

#3 Muffin, I normally am not a fan of orange tabby cats but this little kitten was the sweetest little cuddle bug I had ran across in a long time.  Again she was given to us.  She loved attention, but wasn't those overly loving kittys that drive you insane.  Once she got big, she went on a distroy streak.  She'd jump on counters, although she knew she wasn't supposed to, and knock off anything she could.  At one point, after moving we had a huge gardenia bush sitting on top of our entertaintment center.  It was out of our way for one and two, she tended to eat it if we didn't watch her.  While at work, she somehow climbed on top of a 5 foot entertainment center, knocked off the 10lbs flower pot, and proceeded to shred the plant.  After that you couldn't leave anything out or she'd try to rip it to shreds.

We put up with all cats until we couldn't take it anymore and found them new homes....

Now we're on #4 Pixels.  She's all black and white splotchy with soft fur, absolutely beautiful.  She's the most talkative cat I have ever known.  She's also the pickiest, because if her food and water bowl isn't about to over flow, she sits and meows and meows and meows anytime you get close and won't shut up until you refill them.  I tested this theory once and have never fulfilled her wish since.  If you can't find her or one of the kids you know one or all are doing something they aren't supposed to.  She plays well with the kids most of the time, but once she's done she's done and if you don't leave her alone, she will attack like a tiger.  Thankfully she's declawed.

However, she peed on our brand new furniture which I think we'd only had two weeks or so when we discovered it.  She did it very sneaky, she sat perfeclty in between two cushions so her pee went down the crack and underneath.  We didn't notice until one of us happened to sit there and our hand was near the crack.  Somehow the smell had been hidden due to everything falling under the cushions.  When we lifted the cushions you could see she'd been peeing for a while.  So much so, we think she started it the first day we got it.  This set her off on a pissing spree, because anything like clothes or a blanket in the floor or on the couch she'd pee on.  She even peed on our bed once.  We began locking her up whenever we weren't home and at night, otherwise she'd pee on things.

She finally stopped peeing on everything up until a month or so ago when Bo left a basket of clean clothes in the hallway and she peed all over everything.  I had to wash them three times to get the smell out.  Every few days we find something new and we keep saying we'll just empty the litterbox more often.  Except it is clean and I just watched her sit on one of Bailey's play capes and pee on it.  She just walked away when I went over to see if she had, like she had done nothing wrong.   I rubbed her little black smudged nose in the carpet and that cape and tossed her into the garage. 

Yes I did, and she landed just fine on her feet, she's not hurt.

I do not want to get rid of another cat.  I love cats.  I love having them around.  I love cuddling with them.  But this cat I can't cuddle with.  I'm so mad at her for peeing on everything that I can't do it anymore.  I really don't want to break Bailey's heart by getting rid of her but we can't keep cleaning up piss and I do not want a house that smells like it.  We've had her since he was 1, he's very attached to her and the first time we mentioned we may have to get rid of her he broke down and cried.  But now that she's been doing this again, after 3 years of being good, anytime I get on to Pixels he says "Cat you're about to find a new home", because I seem to have said it daily over the past month.

My mother tells me its because my cats before these were outdoors, and these were indoors.  But I think there's more to it....

It's an evil cat conspiracy.  There is a cat government and their goal at the moment is to drive me insane.  Be warned, they may turn on you next.