Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Stupid OCD

Every few days I have something that makes my OCD have a party.  Sometimes it takes me hours to get my head under control and stop panicking.  Sometimes its only a few minutes of talking myself through something and I'm fine

Today is one of those party days and it all started with a stupid ass pimple.

Little over an hour ago, I had this ginormous volcano on my cheek.  You know those that pound with every heart beat and ache and feel like with the slightest breeze they'll explode?? Yeah one of those.  I got tired of ignoring it and went to destroy it.  It's far enough back on my cheek that I couldn't really see it that well.  Anywho, after the thing was well and truly defeated, I washed my hands.

Thats when I noticed a line going from the pimple down to my jaw.  All around the pimple was red as usual, but there was this bluish colored line leading out of the red.  I went back about 10 minutes later and most of the redness was gone but not the line.  Again its so far back on my cheek that I'm looking at it out of the corner of my eye, so I can't really tell what it is.  I wait another 10 minutes and its still there.

Panic sets in. 

I send Bo a message about it and as usual he reassures me its fine.  I have weird skin, I can touch my neck and leave a bright red whelp as if I'd tried to take my skin off.  He says it's probably just a vein swelling from me squeezing...which wasn't all that hard I might add, remember pulsing volcano pimple.  I even took a picture and sent it to him...and he says he can maybe sorta see what might be a line....damn you bad lighting.

I remember back in middle school, a teacher told the class that you can get blood poisoning from popping pimples.  Guess whats going around my brain like a fucking ping pong?

I searched and could find nothing that agreed with what he told us, but does that help? No.  Because then my brain goes OMG what could it be if its not that?  What would make my vein stand out like that?  OMG if it gets any longer I won't be able to see it!  OMG WHAT DO I DO?!??!?!

He says he'll look at it when he gets home.  My mind says what if thats too late?  What if he came home now we could have prevented something horrible from happening?  Will he get home in time....

Sigh...deep breath in and out....

Bo asked me questions like do I have a fever, or is it hot to the touch or tender.  All is a no (except I'm freezing, have been all day and can't really tell if its hot or if its just my cold hands) and his response is "then you is fine as frog hair"...He then suggest I put duct tape over it so I won't see it.  My hubby, the comedian.

I'm not panicking as much as I was when I first realized the blue line wasn't going away, but still I'm worried.   I tried desperately to see if my right cheek had the same blue line.  I mean I do have porcelain skin as my dr. says, but I think glow in the dark is more accurate.  So its not that crazy if its just a regular vein showing through my skin. Except for some reason my right eye doesn't work that way, so I can't see that far back on my cheek.  Damnit 3 times. 

Yup, so thats my OCD confession for the day.  I'm sitting here worrying my butt off about a damn pimple that may or may not have caused a blue line on my cheek.  Fabulous, just freakin fabulous.


-MissC* said...

My poor baby!!!!!

Yeah right I am DYING laughing! But I do feel bad for you. Put an ice pack or a warm, wet wash cloth on it. It's just pressure from squeezing. PROMISE!!! How would I know??? Oh yea....Cause I'm a CNA and my job was to do little things like that for patients. With your pale skin it was probly always there you just didn't notice it as much.

Love you gorgeous. Smooches

Tami said...

Ok, now I effin' love you. Cause now I know I am not alone. Come here I'll check it out and research online to make sure it's ok!! ( I really do this.)