Friday, July 30, 2010

Another week down

It's Friday and I noticed that I haven't mentioned my writing or my weight loss like I had planned to do.  Bad Nikki, no soup for you.

I know this is more for me than you guys, by the way I do appreciate the feed back and it does help, but I pretty much say the same things every time I write about these issues.  I feel like things are becoming redundant, and I hate that.  But if I don't keep track of it, then I'll get lazy and go back.  Which makes me even more pissed off, so, guess you'll just have to skip over the bitch slap to myself posts.

I'm going to start with writing since well its not as frustrating and its first thing in the morning.  I'm an ogre already don't need to up the meanness.  I took a week off of writing.  Esh, I know it hurt to do but I was stuck beyond stuck.  In deep mud, up to my eyeballs, with no help in sight, stuck.  I like what I have so far, or I did until chapter 2 came along and I noticed all of a sudden one of the characters suddenly was rich and had a castle.  HAHA considering he's into construction.  I even went back over my notes on him and sure enough, no rich guy.  I'm on chapter 5, that's 3 chapters of him being a rich guy somehow with lots of involvement with the main chick.  It seemed like I was going to climb Mt. Everest barehanded.  I started the process of rewriting him, but he's a big character and its going to take out a lot of what I already had.  Again, I'm going to lose pages.  Sigh.

Good news though, I'm going to use the material for another story.  Might as well right, considering I spent a lot of time writing and rewriting most of what I'll be taking out.

Weight loss, can I just say is a bitch?  You are a bitch, bitch.  I don't know why this time it's so hard to remember to measure and watch what I eat but it is.  I wake up in the morning with such determination that I'm going to do better today and remind myself how great it will be when I see my dedication pay off.  Then at night when I go to bed, I hide my head under the covers because again, lunch came along and with it my memory and energy to do what I was supposed to do.

Last time I didn't need a partner, but this time I'm wondering if I had someone losing weight with me if it would help.  Yeah Bo is on W.W. too, but he's not as serious about it and he forgets just like I do.  Not to mention he gets 12 more points a day than I do, which is like 1-2 meals more than I can have.  It makes dinner options tricky, they have to be low in points for me, but he has to eat a lot to get his points filled.  Not that he minds, LOL, but its hard to see him get to eat so much, more than he normally eats most times, when I can't and have to be very diligent on what I eat all day.  The man can eat without paying much attention and still fit in a banana split every day with dinner.

Frustrating isn't the word.

But, I have no one locally to do this with.  My mother and sister think I'm insane for doing W.W., they would rather take out everything they like to eat than only eat a little, and don't you even bring up exercise.  Which blows me away and I find insane, but whatever.  I don't have any friends who are on W.W. or trying to lose weight that I know of and I AM NOT going to ask them if they'd join me.  Talk about rude, "Hey lets lose weight together, cause we are both fat asses", I don't think so.  But I NEED someone to make me work out, Bo won't he doesn't want to make me mad at him.  I find this very sweet and loving, but man up dude cause it would help me.  I NEED someone to get me out of the house doing different activities, but we're too busy on weekends to do this, besides twice a week doesn't help all that much.  I'm not disciplined enough to make myself do things, I'm a softy when it comes to me, who knew.  But I need to figure out something, and find a way to stay on track and keep myself going, otherwise I'll never lose the weight.

It also doesn't help that again this week I've struggled with sleeping, have had a headache almost every day that has kept me still as possible on the couch.  It's hard to focus on losing weight and writing about my fantasy world when I can't concentrate and remember what my passwords are..yeah I did that. 

1 comment:

Lianne said...

Would taking a class help your motivation? Two years ago I really stretched my comfort zone by joining a modern dance class, and it's turned out to be one of the highlights of my week! I knew if I just kept doing my various dvd's, I would keep slacking, but having the commitment (and financial investment, however small) really pushed me to stick with it. The classes (I'm taking two now) are through our community center, so they're pretty inexpensive, and the teachers are more relaxed than a studio would be.