Thursday, February 24, 2011
I don't know what it is, I'm just...I want to do something, anything, and I don't know what to do or where to go or how to figure out what it is.
I try to use it for good, like house cleaning, but LOL you know me and housework don't get along very well. I tend to spend all my energy by thinking all day about what I'm wanting to do. I have all sorts of ideas and plans and well LOL, I OCD it to death pretty much. And yet I'm still sitting here with that energy to get up and do something, with nothing to do because I can't decide.
I love OCD sometimes, at least it keeps me hopping...
I could tell you all thing things floating in my head to give you a picture of what's going on up there, but I'm pretty sure you already know the miss matched, jumbled, IN ALL CAPS thoughts that are running around in circles squealing like a kid whacked out on sugar.
Phew that was a tough sentence hehe.
So it's not that I don't have options or ideas, I have plenty and so many that are like ooooh that sounds like fun or I really really need to do that one because blah blah blah. You see I have this thing with decisions, have you noticed? I'm afraid to make the wrong one, so I debate, I research, I eeny meeny miny mo it over and over because I still doubt myself.
The other day I said it was the day to get out of my lazy funk, and I tried but all this energy is building up with no where to go and it's interfering with everything I try to do.
And I'm starting to think that maybe I need to look at more than one outlet. What if this boredom type feeling I have is growing and building because I'm not releasing that energy in enough areas? I've been medicated for a long time, and it's just been bubbling below the surface and now with no pills it's erupting. Or is that my OCD talking? Wanting to do it all and bury myself in everything...
I don't know, but I do know that today I have a list of things to do around the house and I'm itching to do them. I have writing to do on my novel, and want to do it now. I want to blog. I want to bury myself in genealogy. I want to build a decorating plan/folder/wishlist thingymajig. I want to put together the activity book I have sitting on a desk. I want...ok see I'll stop but I'm telling you right now there's about 5 other things I want to do right this very second.
Someone, anyone, tell me what to do first....;)