Saturday, April 16, 2011

Bad parent award goes to...ME

Bailey has anxiety like I did and still do, except it's a different level.  One I'm not familiar with and don't know how to handle.

For instance last night.  Bo was working late and I put him to bed, normally that's Bo and Bailey's deal (although we're now alternating between us).  I asked Bailey to get a handful of water to wash his face after brushing his teeth.  The scream and fit he made was as if I asked him to put acid on his face.  I kid you not he was throwing a hissy fit in the bathroom because and I quote "That's not how Daddy does it!  We use a baby wipe!'.  He doesn't like water splashed on his face at all, I know this, and I wasn't asking that of him.  But because it was late, and I was tired I didn't take a step back and think about what was happening.  I showed him what I meant, rather angrily, and told him if he didn't shut up throwing a fit over something as stupid as water I wouldn't read a book to him.  We walked to his room, him still crying and yelling about it and so I said no book, at which time the fit escalated.

He stayed awake for a long time crying and yelling that he can't sleep without a book, but I said no book if he screamed.  He book.  I wasn't going to go back on my word, I never do, and you'd think he'd know that by now.

That's when I started thinking.  His anxiety.  That's not a normal reaction to something so simple and it's not the first time something this strange has happened.  And boy did I start to feel like a shit parent.

I also have been noticing he writes out words with his hand when you're talking to him.  Sometimes in random moments, sometimes when he's anxious like when I'm disciplining him for something.  But still...he's writing words with one hand in the air.  He's become obsessed with road signs and reads them off like a GPS any time he's in the car.  Once he got to talking about something and didn't say the street signs and was like 'oh wow I didn't say those signs back there, that's not good'.

Kids get obsessed, they start weird habits, I'm aware of this so this isn't really me saying OMG my son has a mental disorder and he must get help.  But I'm open to any suggestions and tips.  Because I'm not sure what to do to handle these situations.

You'd think with me having OCD and anxiety issues out the cooter, I'd be a pro at this.  I'd know how to talk to and relate to him and his issues.  But I don't.  Bo's pointed out that a lot of the time I handle it just how my parents handled it.  I get on to him and tell him to suck it up, only to moments later realize I didn't help the situation I made it worse by not listening to him.  It's not like I set out wanting him to be perfect or to mind all the time or even to be harsh and strict with him and his behavior.  He does things so much and to such a level, I'm in a constant state of aggravation when he's around.  Makes me short tempered, makes me not understanding....makes me far too harsh sometimes.

I expect a lot from him.  I know I do.  He takes to things like it's nothing, and handles situations much better than other's his age.  It makes it hard for me to remember he's just 5....he's just 5.

Right now he's at my parents house, and all I want to do is hold him and tell him I'm sorry, so sorry because I don't understand why he does what he does and I don't know how to help him.

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