It just hit me that I have been off my happy pills for like 3 months now.
How crazy is that?
I know it's still fairly soon to say woohoo I did it but, I'm doing it baby!
In ways nothing has changed, in ways I'm worse, in ways I'm better. But all in all, there isn't that big of a difference.
Or so I say, Bo may say differently.
Did you know I went shopping today by myself? I actually hate doing this, I like having Bo and the kids with me, I like talking to people LOL. Looks a little strange to be talking to yourself, you know. On the way there I was not thrilled to be alone but once inside the store I was in shop mode...if I have one haha, and did my thing without being uncomfortable. Normally I get all nervous and self conscience, I swear people are watching and pointing and saying nasty things about me. I fidget constantly, pulling on my shirt or my jeans, messing with my hair/face/glasses. I make myself worse by doing these things, but it's compulsive I can't stop myself and don't realize I'm doing it half the time. I had none of that today. I didn't notice it at the time either. It just sorta hit me a bit ago 'oh I got through shopping without a weird OCD fidget'.
And then since the move, I haven't had one minute of 'omg omg what do I do now? Where do I go first in this mess of boxes and bags?'. That makes me stop and say WTF. This is so new to me, it's like I'm reprogrammed and no one told me. I'm actually getting things done. It's slow because I'm unpacking/cleaning with one hand and getting Jocelyn out of something she doesn't need with the other. It's extremely frustrating and I have to time what I'm doing with where she's at in the house at all times. But I'm still doing it. I'm still going. I'm not frazzled and incapable of continuing.
OH and another awesome thing, that Bo even noticed but this does have more to do with this house vs our old one. We had 11 people in this house today at one point, AND I WAS FINE. My heart wasn't going crazy, I wasn't sweaty and dizzy feeling, I didn't feel like the walls were closing in...I was frickin fine people.
We've talked about how I'm feeling and how the most annoying hurdle I have is my damn ankle...and we are both in agreement THIS MUST STAY....well not damaged ankle.