Tuesday, May 03, 2011

Ohhh I can breathe again!

Yesterday was terrible, pure 100% terrible.  And I had braced myself for feeling just as shitty if not worse today.  But so far, so good.

Hot damn.

I still have the pressure and the drainage which turns into uncontrollable coughing, but I can breathe.  It's such a beautiful thing, aint it?

Now if only Jocelyn was feeling better and/or blow her nose so she's not covered in dried snot.  I don't know fashion but me thinks, that is a huge no no.

Somehow I felt like writing yesterday, so I did.  Except what came out wasn't where I left off.  It was during the part that I skipped forward in my story.  I didn't fight it, I just let it go and wrote, and with it realized something.

I'd taken my character from sever depression to instant healing in one page without any explanation.  Ooops.

Then, when I went back over what I'd done, everything was so...well soooo positive and upbeat and easy.  Nothing is easy, I know better than that.  But that's what positive thinking will do to you.  Turn your story into a perfect fairytale, where NOTHING goes wrong and everything that you wished happened, happens.  Ick, who wants to read that?

I hate that I keep changing directions, it bugs the living shit out of me.  I hate that I keep messing up and keep going back and fixing it and that leads to a huge fix, not a small one.  It really irritates me.  But I do know, I'm learning this way.  I also know that my lack of confidence and obsessive indecision is having a HUGE part to play.  If it weren't for that I don't think I'd be going back and forth so much.  Or maybe that's wishful thinking.

Do professional authors have this problem?  Do they get so far and hit a wall and go back to fix it...at the exact same spot with EVERY story?  How the hell do they get past this part?  Cause I'm still 0-100 at this point.

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