Friday, January 13, 2012

My dream day would include a pin, paper and Henry Cavill wearing nothing but a smile and standing front of me...

I am not in the mood to read.  Not one itsy bitsy bit.  I have two books I'm supposed to be reading, and blogs I haven't even looked at in weeks.  And yet, any time I try no matter if it's a book, blog or a recipe, the words get lost somewhere in my brain and all I retain is gibberish.  Picture the teacher from Peanuts in her 'whack whack' language.  That's exactly what I hear/read.

I think the problem is I haven't been writing enough, so whenever I sit down to write I think of all the other things I need to do.  I need to clean the house, take care of Jocelyn and Bailey, fix dinner, and read/review books, etc.  I do goof off on Facebook FAR too much, but for the most part my day is covered on things I need to do that involve the happiness of other people.  Because if I do start writing, I go off in Nikki Land and don't return until someone knocks me on my butt.  I think...going out on a limb here, cause I've never thought this before....that one of the reasons I'm so scattered with my daily tasks and getting things accomplished is I still haven't mastered putting me in my day.  I've stopped taking my night off for one thing.  It started with Bo being sick and I had to take care of the kids, to me being sick and then things started happening on Wednesday night without fail to the point that I forgot to take my night off.  This Wednesday nothing prevented me from doing it, but I didn't and didn't even think about it until this morning.  When I was like fuck a duck, I didn't get a night off this week...or last week or the week before or...damnit three times when was my last night off???

I'm thinking November....

You know where my brain goes when I start reading or doing something?  I start thinking that if only I could devout that time to my writing.  Or organizing my pictures on my laptop.  Or research something all day or any of the other number of things I'd love to, that's just for little 'ol me.  Why am I still doing laundry?  Why am I still doing the dishes?  I don't give a rat's ass the floor needs to be swept and hasn't for like two weeks, I WANT TO WRITE ALL DAY DAMN YOU.  And then I walk away to goof off on my laptop, get angry get up and try to do something again...only to have the process start over.

Le sigh.

I think my inner drama queen is getting anxious to get this book written and done with and nothing is making her happy until it happens.  It's like I can, for the first time ever, see the book being done.  It's not an I wish I could make it happen thing, it's an I know I can make it happen if I just had the time.

It's too bad I can't afford a maid or a babysitter or a driver to cover those things for me to give me some space and quiet time and less things to worry about.

Anyone willing to donate a dollar to the 'Nikki needs assistants so she can write the damn book already Fund'.  I promise you'll get a free book if you do ;)...or at least a mention in the dedications.


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