Monday, November 27, 2006

One more thing ruined......

I woke up this morning all ready to go, just like I have been for a few days. I made a list and started checking things off as I moved about the house. Today was the day to clean the humidifier, so after cleaning it out and placing it to dry in the bathroom, I returned to the bedroom to dust. That’s when I noticed it, a giant water spot on my grandmother’s dresser. I sank onto the bed tears in my eyes. Almost every item that I have that was my grandmother’s has been destroyed. Two blankets, a bed, a pillow, and now the dresser. I still have each of these items stored away; I don’t think I will ever be able to part with them.

My grandmother is still my hero. She was a genuine loving soul who helped everyone no matter who you were. She took pride in making items for the family, and loved that we showed them off. And now what do I have to show for it? I feel like shit, I just want to cry. These are things that cannot be replaced, and I have only myself to blame. Its not like they have character, they are ruined. My husband is almost positive he can fix the stain on the dresser. But I have little hope. Apparently I wasn’t supposed to have her things.

Grandma, I’m sorry. So terribly sorry that I did not take better care of the things you left me. I’m sorry that the blanket was washed wrong and now it’s falling to pieces, unable to ever be washed again. I’m sorry the dog ate the other blanket, ripped it to shreds leaving only a portion untouched. I’m sorry the bed broke while we were moving it up the stairs. We tried to repair it, but the bed is too fragile, the wood too old. I’m sorry about the pillow that sat on my couch for two years getting things spilled on it, then being shoved in a garbage bag to mildew. I’m sorry that all the cleaners I have used didn’t take anything out. Now it’s the dresser that I have ruined. The thick towel I had placed the humidifier on wasn’t enough, and water leaked through. Now the beautiful cedar wood is tarnished. All the scratches and pen marks from all us grandkids are still visible, but now there is this giant water spot to join the scars. I’m sorry for it all. My kids will know what a wonderful woman you were, and even though these items are ruined, I will keep them so they can see what talents you had. I’d give anything to rewind to the first days I had these items in my possession. I would take every step known to man to preserve these items. I would not have used them, even though that is what you wanted me to do. They would be whole and perfect still if I had stored them like I had wanted to. I’m sorry Grandma, so so sorry.

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