Frustrated tears

Since we bought our house two years ago, I’ve wanted to paint our living room. Hell to be honest there isn’t an inch of this house that doesn’t need to be improved. We have painted three rooms so far, and although it looks way better they still need work. The contractors who built this house were morons, nothing is even, they half assed put on the step and threshold for the back door, and the cabinets were made for tall people who would not use them. The cabinets are not a big problem, well they are but it doesn’t destroy anything. The shitty way they put the threshold and back step on has caused water to get in underneath the door, which is rotting the wood underneath and the wood to the left and right of the door. Nice big mess, thank you, you fucking assholes. This house is only 6 years old that should not be happening this early. I haven’t mentioned the fact that the baseboards they used had to have come from an old house because they are splitting and coming off the wall in places. The floor in one section of the house has a bump in it that goes through three rooms. The foundation is fine; they didn’t smooth the concrete down completely in that area. All the cocking for the tubs and sinks is almost gone, this happens I know but I have never heard of it happening this early. The grout is uneven and in some places goes up the wall, we do not have tile on the wall. So needless to say these people were smoking some strong crack when they built this place. All of that makes this place sound like a total shack but its not. It is a nice beautiful house on the outside with a fenced in back yard and flower beds up front (ok so I do not have a green thumb so these aren’t that pretty LOL). And unless you get down on the floor and inspect you can’t see the bad shape the baseboards are in or how uneven it is, nor the water damage under the door unless you pull the threshold off, the cabinets are only exposed when someone has to use them, etc. If you don’t know its there you don’t see it, but I know its there. We discovered all of it by pure accident, except the uneven floor and walls, those are easier to spot. We are going to fix it up as much as we can and afford to then find something better.

This weekend we are tackling the living room, hallway and entry way. Two walls in the living room is this funky green and gold mess.. It would have been pretty had they not got it every where and didn’t clean it up. They thought painting over the face plates looked cool, and getting it on the ceiling and the wall paper. It is really ugly. The entry way is wall paper, an ugly ugly ass wall paper with green and tan stripes that is peeling up and the opposite wall is this egg shell color, then the hallway is brown. I do not know what these people were thinking when they painted this place. They do not know how to paint or coordinate colors. And because it’s a large living room and we do not have another room to hang out in, the kiddo is going to the grandparent’s house for the weekend.

I have a hard time letting him stay with my parents. Not that I think they can’t take care of him, its because I am with him 24/7 and have been since the moment he was born. I don’t know what to do with myself without him. It’s terrible because I feel empty and alone no matter what I do when he’s away. Its good for him, and us but the logic doesn’t pass down to my heart. It’s painful to watch my mom drive away with him or to watch her house disappear as we drive away. There is a lump in the pit of my stomach that doesn’t go away until he is safely back in my arms. I hope that in time I can get over this, because I do not want to smother him or make a mama’s boy out of him. I’m already cooping him up with me all the time, which is bad enough. The saddest part is that today he hasn’t been acting like himself. Like he knows he’s staying the whole weekend with them and doesn’t want to. He is a quiet child normally, but he still runs through the house smiling and giggling. Today he hasn’t played much, just sat in my lap or on his chair drinking his milk and watching his cartoon’s. I am already hurting knowing in just a couple hours Mom will be here to get him, having him act like this makes me want to call it off. We can paint while he’s asleep damnit, just let him stay. But I know this is something I have to get over, and there is no way we will get the entire project done this weekend. And if it doesn’t get completed, I’ll be miserable all week until we can finish it. Ugh I hate this. I want him to stay but if he does we won’t get to paint but I want and need to paint this place. Someone give me some tequila.