Sexual Chocolate

This weekend was filled with paint smudges, tape sticking to every imaginable surface, and laughter. I find it odd how many couples I know who can not work together, because we can and do all the time. I guess its from being friends for so long, we learned how to work together long ago and now it’s a piece of cake. Not that we never have a disagreement over what we are doing or how to do it, we do but we solve it and keep going until the project is finished. We are always doing little projects together, whether it’s deciding how to decorate a room, deciding on the menu for the week or detailing his list of tasks for work, we do them all with a smile. And we did that this weekend even though nothing worked.

We had big plans for the weekend. The kiddo went to my parents on Friday afternoon, until Sunday evening. We had plenty of time to paint one large living room, entry way and hallway. Or so we thought. Remember me saying the house was built by crack smoking morons? Well the walls in the entry way are uneven, some place’s ½ inch off. This wouldn’t be a major problem, except we’re painting stripes in the entry way. And to have straight lines, you need straight walls, we spent WAY too much time measuring and re-measuring those fucking walls. We got so far as to having the tape all set up, took a step back and was like what the fuck happened. Yes fuck was a friend of ours this weekend. You see it wasn’t just the uneven walls that messed up our measurements; it was helped by having a cheap laser/measuring tape to give us a straight line. No matter how level we got that thing it never gave a straight line. So just imagine lines that weaved back and forth ½ inch off covering an entire entry way that took two hours to decide the right width of stripes and place the tape down and you will see why fuck was our friend this weekend. While putting up the tape you can’t really tell that it’s off, you think it is but you can’t really see it unless you step back. Which we did at the very end. After we figured this out, ran over the laser about 10 times with my SUV, my husband went back to measuring and taping while I tried to finish the living room. Every 10 minutes or so, I’d here fuck coming from the doorway and go inspect. From spending a couple of hours trying to figure out how to fix our crooked wall problem, my husband’s concentration and patience had disserted him. He kept putting the tape on the wrong side of the line. I am not kidding when I say it was every ten minutes. We finally gave up on the entry way to finish the touch ups on the living room and take a well needed break. Even after that, he still kept putting the tape on the side of the line, and had to go back over some he had already put up and re-measure. So now the entry way is all taped up, but there are only 6 stripes out of 30 something that we were able to paint. And those are only halfway painted. Yeah I know after all that work we should have something to show for it right? Nope by the time we finally got the measurements to work and the tape straight, it was Sunday and we were due to pick up the kiddo. The stripes that I painted were done halfway on purpose. We hoped we could paint the large stripes before we had to pick him up, and when we noticed we couldn’t, decided just to do half of the stripes so we didn’t have take all the tape down so he couldn’t. Then we figured out that we didn’t have time for that either so only one side of the entry way is halfway painted. But hey the living room is done, almost. LOL yeah almost once again. See our living room, kitchen and dinning room is basically all one room with only partial walls separating them. The hallway we were hoping to paint separates the living room from the kitchen. Since we had the couch sitting in the hallway, and didn’t have time to paint it, and since the couch was directly next the one wall we had to paint, we skipped it.

Let’s see, we took down wallpaper, repaired holes left by past owners, scraped off old paint from past owners, painted the living room, and halfway painted the entry way in two days. That is pretty good considering all the hours it took to figure out what was wrong with the tape. Neither one of us got mad, yelled or threw a tantrum. We laughed and embraced our new friend fuck and refilled the paint pan. Now our living room Mudslide, or as my husband calls it Sexual Chocolate. Imagine taking chocolate, the best milk chocolate money can buy, melting it down to an ewy gewy orgasmic substance and painting the walls. That is my living room. It looks awesome. Even though it is half finished, and some imperfections in the walls that we can do nothing about, I am so so happy to have that ugly ass green gone. People say colors help or hurt your moods; apparently green is not my color for happy. Sexual Chocolate is.