Monday, February 05, 2007

$359.51 on crazy

That is how much it cost for my pills and shrinkage for last month. That is crazy! Today I make the call to the office and let them know I will no longer be a patient. One um it’s too freaking expensive and two we haven’t touched on any of my issues. I know it’s been three sessions, or four I’ve lost count, that $359.51 is taking up too much space in my head. I pay close to that on my car a month, that’s crazy. Anyway I know that these things can take time. But if all we do is set and talk about music, books and weather how the hell is that helping me? I think the woman thinks I’m worse than I really am. Yeah I have issues, everyone does. But I know where it comes from, who started it and who contributed to it. If all this foreplay is just for me to have an ah ha moment I’ll be going forever. I need to know how to build my confidence, how to deal with my fears, not what band is playing at the concert hall. So what if my husband makes enough money for us to afford it, that doesn’t mean we have to throw it away on crap. I feel great, I have had no breakdowns, I don’t check the door or the coffee pot a thousand times anymore, I think that is improvement enough. Yeah so I still have a problem going out by myself with my son, but that is a weight issue. Talking doesn’t help me lose weight. So good by Ms. Shrinkage lady, you’re a nice person and fun to talk to but I can’t waste your time and our money any more.

Speaking of weight, I have lost a total of 10lbs. Which is cool, but you know me its not good enough. The funny part though is that last month was when it happened, yet last month I couldn’t go down a size. My jeans got to the point of being so loose I could put them on or take them off with them buttoned and zipped. I decided to try again this weekend. And yup I have gone down a size, it’s a snug fit but I can fit into them. My husband loves the new jeans, I guess because you can actually see my ass. Before you thought you could see an ass but you weren’t sure. He was calling me things like Sexy and Hot Mama all weekend and our son started to mock him. So now my 20 month old calls me Sexy and Hot Mama. It’s funny as hell.

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