Tuesday, February 06, 2007

And the bell tolls

I have been unable to write lately. My mind is literally a blank sheet. I think after seeing what crap I wrote while I was out of it, has made me doubt what I can do. I can’t even decide which story to submit for my assignment. This is extremely frustrating for me. I am either reading or writing and these days I’m doing neither. Most of it has to do with the fact that my son, God love him, is driving me insane with his fits and constant screaming over nothing. Every tooth in his little head is now pushing through. Then it’s trying to figure out when to finish painting considering the hubby is having problems with his back and can’t stand on the ladder for a long time. I’m too afraid of heights to get on the ladder, sorry dear. Then it’s dealing with the crap going on in my family and trying desperately to stay out of it because I am the baby and I don’t know shit apparently. My mind is jam packed with so much I can’t read without my mind wandering. That rarely happens to me. I feel incomplete. I feel lost.

But I have been watching TONS of historical documentaries that have kept my research going. I don’t know why I get so much fun out of watching historical pieces. And I’m not talking about what most people consider is history, as in how many we killed in this war or how many they killed in that war and what we gained for it. Which according to the school I attended, is the only history worthy of learning. Yeah that is history but it’s not the only history for human kind. Like how the Egyptians built the pyramids. How the Aztecs and Mayans built their temples. What happened to the people of Machu Picchu and why was it built. Who was the real Robin Hood. Who was the real Braveheart. Who was the first to invent irrigation. Who built the first toilet. The true side of the pagan world, as in documents and artifacts and carvings not the "truth" that is passed on by idiots with absolutely no knowledge on the subject. On and on I could go on other aspects of history that made our world what it is today. Wars to me are only an itsy bitsy section of our history. Not that I am not proud of our boys, I am. It’s just that a war does not make a country, it does not define it, and it does not explain why we have certain holidays or certain beliefs. No, that is the other side of history. And that is what I research. I love knowing that there is a good chance one of my ancestors was apart of what I’m researching. That it has shaped my family in some strange way. Maybe I’ll find the link and finally figure out why there are so many inventors in my family. Not that they are successful but damn if they don’t keep trying. Or why there is a common profession through the generations. Or why so many of us, including me, have this unnatural obsession with collecting rocks. These things have to start somewhere and wouldn’t be awesome to find out where? To pick up a book or turn on a documentary and see your ancestor’s name and all their accomplishments and finally realize where it all comes from. I would run through my neighborhood naked with bells tied to my feet screaming what I had discovered if such a thing happened. Ok maybe the bells would have to stay on the cat.

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