One more try....again

I posted a blog earlier that I took down because things have changed. I joined Weight Watches a few days ago because of a friend of mine who used the program and lost 30+ pounds suggested I give it a try. It wasn’t difficult to stick to the program, but I have since cancelled my subscription. The hubby and I have been trying to figure out how to fit this into our budget. I would have to give up something to do this. But what I would have to give up was something good for us. So…which to choose. I found something on a website that I go to daily that I have seen daily but have always ignored. I am a Flybaby, a member of the website flylady.net. It’s a website on how to get your house in shape, by creating habits for you and your family so it stays clean and sparkly. It actually works. They also have a program about losing weight. Its all about teaching you how to take care of yourself, the right way and by doing this you lose weight. It’s more of a taking care of me plan than a diet plan. I have read countless testimonials on how amazing the book is and how the results are fast, blah blah but I never really considered it. I don’t know why when everything else they teach you works like a charm. I was looking up my next task and saw once again the book on Body Clutter. I went in to see just how much this is going to cost, because every diet plan eats your money before it starts to eat your fat. I found that it only costs a few bucks for the book and that is it. UNLESS you want menu’s emailed to you. I don’t need the menu’s, I have plenty of healthy recipes. Why have I been staring at this for months without even giving it a chance? I know its not all about the food, its about redirecting your negative thoughts into positive ones and changing how you take care of yourself. Something I do not do. I may eat healthy, but that is as far as I go. So after I slapped myself in the forehead I cancelled Weight Watchers and ordered the book.

Reading any blog I post, it’s obvious that I do not have faith in certain things. Like my weight. I have a hormonal imbalance and it means that it’s a bitch to lose weight. Or at least so far it has been. I have stopped working out, stopped making sure I get all my dairy and water for the day. I eat lots of fruit and vegetables so I always get those. I am rarely thirsty and making myself drink 64 oz of water plus getting 3 servings of dairy a day is very hard for me. Because I don’t see a point to it I don’t do it. I have tried and failed so many times I have no faith that anything I do can work. I need to stop that. This book apparently helps do that.

Last night hubby and I were watching one of our favorite shows, Grey’s Anatomy. We watch it religiously, LOL. I was reminded yet again how special life is. How you only get one chance to do things right and to be happy. Well I’m not happy and I have given up on being happy. I know that’s wrong, I know I deserve to be happy about how I look and feel. I have always had this problem; I don’t know how to be any other way. I want to know what it feels like to wear a bathing suit without hiding myself in a large t-shirt or to wear shorts in the summer and not worry about how terrible my legs look. I want to know what it feels like to be able to look in the mirror and love what you see. It’s a foreign concept to me, but I want to experience it. If I don’t keep trying I'll never know what its like. So I am trying one more time. Not having faith is probably why it never works. I don’t know, but having tried for years to get control of my weight and failing makes it hard believing it can happen to me. But I still try, because I am wrong occasionally.