Sunday, March 11, 2007

Marco! Polo!

Over the past few days I’ve found my reading ability and now finally the whispers are back. I remember being scared of how my ideas talked inside my head. Dozens of voices, male and female, were telling their story, and all wanting my attention. I thought if I dared to let them grow, to take shape that I would become crazy. It’s not good to hear voices in your head. Yet that is what I hear when I have an idea. LKH does this; she even talks about her characters in her blog like they are real people. She even has a certain type of music for each character. Because they both respond to different kinds of music, her words not mine. Once I saw that I was not alone with hearing characters in my head, and that it wasn’t crazy, I’ve let go. Although they have yet to become real to me, their voices are clearer and I can tell who is who. My biggest problem is that new characters show up every few days. It’s becoming crowded up there. How am I ever going to concentrate on one story long enough to finish it with so many others screaming for my attention? That is my biggest challenge, and one I have to over come or else. Because not getting them out is far worse than getting them out. They continue to multiply if I don’t write enough and often. I have a feeling that one of these days, I’ll develop split personalities, just to accommodate them all. Scary thought that.

Although I can feel my muse inching its way back, I still can’t write. Writing here is difficult enough. I stare at the screen for ages before an idea of what I want to say comes out. I’m not even going to try to write until the voices are loud and clear. Otherwise, I’ll have more crap to erase. I still haven’t gone over everything that I screwed up during the blackout. To know that I have eight stories of nothing just pisses me off, so until I can fully concentrate they are just going to set there. I’m glad the muse left; it obviously needed some time to regroup. I just hope that when it returns fully I can actually get something done and finished. I keep saying I have to and I will because I want it for Grandma in hopes that it will jump start things. I don’t want to give up, because that means that damn dragon wins. And I do not want that thing to win anymore.

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