Monday, April 30, 2007

15lbs down!

I still can’t see it when I look into the mirror. I can fit into a smaller jean size, but they are a bit snug and I do not enjoy wearing skin tight jeans. You can just torch those ugly skinny jeans because they don’t look hot girls; they look like something a hooker would wear while turning tricks. Another thing I do hate about being in between sizes, which I seem to always be, is that the shirts are too big. I have big boobs, and a big baggy low cut shirt is not a good thing. You flash people, and not on purpose. All of the tops I have right now could be considered maternity tops; they are that big on me. But the size smaller is so tight around the chest that a deep breath would rip the shirt open. Which hubby would enjoy I’m sure.

Three people have noticed that I have lost weight. It wasn’t “You’ve lost what 5 pounds” it was “You have lost A LOT of weight”. It makes me feel good that someone is finally noticing. Hubby notices, but then again he sees me everyday so I don’t believe he can truly see a difference. Besides that, the man told me I was still hot 30 pounds heavier. I love you baby but you are such a liar, kisses. I don’t want everyone to start screaming at me on how much I have lost, but it would be nice if others did notice. Maybe I would believe it then and see it. I want to see it. I can put my jeans I wear now inside my old ones and see the difference, and I can put a size smaller inside and see a BIG difference. Why can’t I see it in the mirror?

Right now I am 4 pounds away from my first weight loss goal. That is pretty cool, because I still don’t feel like I am on a diet. It is not hard, the food is good and now that I have figured out the points better I am rarely hungry. If I exercised I’d lose weight even faster, I know this yet I forget. When the kiddo’s naptime comes, I’m trying to get caught up on my routines, grab some lunch, have some peace, and then by the time I think ooh I need to go work out on the elliptical, he’s awake. There are other more important things going on in my head to remember to work out. I know it should be more important, but when the house is a mess I feel like shit. When it’s clean, I am not stressed or anxious or paranoid, I can breathe and relax. To me that is far more important at this point. Once I can get over this paranoid freak hurdle, then I’ll tackle working out. Sex does count as a workout and that I do quite often, so at least I’m doing something.

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