Thursday, November 12, 2009

Do I laugh or cry?

A few days ago Jocelyn pulled herself up in her play pen.  Any parent knows this is a momentous occasion.  She's been pulling up to her knees on lots of things for a week or so, but this time she was standing.  She screached and giggled her excitement as did Bailey and I.  Yay.  OH SHIT.

This child sees everything as hers, everything she can have, touch, eat, get under, on top of, and anything else her tiny little mind thinks of.  Walking means she's sneakier at this.  Walking means she has more opportunities to get to it as well as a whole house to get to. 

Then there's the fact that she's our last baby.  No I'm not happy with that by any means, but I understand Bo's reasoning behind his decision.  Maybe this will change, but as of now she's our last.  She's my last baby!  I keep saying it in my head and it makes me so sad.  Now that she's closer to walking and being a toddler, the farther she is away from being a baby.

So do I laugh for her accomplishment and get excited that she's in a new phase of life and all the fun stuff I know is to come?  Or do I cry because she's so not a baby any more, she's my last cuddle bug, my last nursing newborn.  Or because this means everything is soo her's and everything will end up broken or eaten by this little firecracker?  Where's that damn coin to flip???

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