Oh being a mom

Before you have a little one, you are in the dark of all the wonderful and not so wonderful duties a head of you.  Like the popular poo explosion.  You hear about a baby pooping, about it leaking out the sides of the diaper and up the baby’s back.  But you can’t appreciate the significance of this little jewel until you walk into the nursery with a cloud of stench hovering over the crib, and your beautiful little baby smiling up at you with satisfaction on its chubby face.  And the best part, is that this doesn’t end until they hit puberty. 

This morning I woke up, Bailey as usual was awake and playing on his laptop (my old barely working one, so don’t have a stroke).  I start my morning routine, make coffee, get and change the baby, get all ‘coffee’ (this is chocolate milk for the munchkins) before I pour my own cup.  As I’m adding in the creamer packets, Bailey informs me of his accident this morning while I dozed.  Now I slept in maybe 30 minutes after Bo left, so this child was not left alone for long and I wasn’t fully asleep, I could hear him playing and singing, but just couldn’t open the peepers yet.  He tells me that while he tried to go potty this morning, he peed on himself.  Now this could mean one of many things, sometimes this refers to tinkling on his leg for a second or two, or the worst spraying the entire bathroom, with many other definitions in between.  I’m hoping for the least messy since I haven’t had a sip of that which keeps me going, and barely have my eyes open.  I change him into clean clothes and walk into the bathroom.  I see nothing out of the ordinary, except a few pieces of toilet paper in the floor.  Then my foot feels wet, I slowly look down praying that its just water and see the shiny floor.  Somehow the light hadn’t reflected on the ocean of pee until that very step.  I ask Bailey if he tried to clean it up with the toilet paper and he said yeah but it didn’t work.  Duh. 

People I could barely take two steps into the bathroom, and its a small bathroom.  I got the mop, used its lovely spraying feature and moped as much as I could reach from the doorway.  I now have pieces of really wet toilet paper to clean up, a toilet and step stool to wipe down, as well as moping the entire bathroom…..again.

When I get back and finish adding the goodness to my coffee he tells me more.  Because it was so wet in the bathroom, he used the office trash can to throw away the rest of the toilet paper he had used to clean up his mess.  After I told him what to do next time, I had to turn around so he didn’t see my smile.

During the cleanup I was laughing as softly as I could.  He is 4 after all, and its not funny to soil oneself at that age.  I’m so proud of him for trying to clean up the mess, I just wish he’d told me sooner.  I know many parents that would be furious about this little mishap, but with my child I know its not something to be punished for.  He gets so upset and embarrassed when talking about any accident that happens that I know he’s not trying to write his name on the wall.  Or see if he can reach the ceiling.  He is all about doing everything the same or the ‘right’ way, and peeing himself is so outside the lines he can’t handle it. And because he views change as something kin to the black plague, I had to stifle my laughter and not show him just how cute his uncomfortable announcement was. 

Only a mother, and one on happy pills, could find an ocean of piss on the floor of the bathroom as cute and funny.