Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Ugh that stuff

In the last week or so, Jocelyn has developed an obsession with shoes. Bailey’s, Bonnie’s (Bo’s mom) and Bo’s shoes. Mine are in my room, so she hasn’t tried them yet. She tries and tries until she gets Bailey’s thongs (aka flip flops but in my day they were thongs…take it Krystin mwahaha) on her feet. And somehow she manages to keep them on, at least one side anyway, and walk around the living room. When it comes to Bonnie’s or Bo’s, she can’t do that with so she scoots around and laughs and points at her feet.

I decided to try and put her shoes on; even though I’m pretty sure her fat little feet won’t fit. I try without socks, and no go. So I get socks, and I twist and tug and push and finally her heel gets inside the shoe. The funny part is these shoes are still too big for her feet length wise, but they aren’t wide enough. Poor child, she got her dad’s hobbit feet. I hoped that once she stood, her feet would slide the rest of the way in; at least it should when she walks right? Nope. She won’t walk in them, in fact she tried to sit down because she DID NOT LIKE THEM ON HER FEET. It was like putting shoes on a dog or packaging tape on a cat’s paw, she was so not having it and could not figure out what to do with her feet. Please don’t send me hate mail and accuse me of animal abuse, there is a difference, learn it and accuse those who ACTUALLY cause harm. Anyway, it was a no go all the way around. She eventually took about 4 steps, sat down and began taking them off.

I put her in dresses or skirts almost daily. I paint her toenails. I am doing all things girly with her because I want her to like being a girl. But I am still afraid of it. It’s funny I know, I am a girl yet I am afraid of being a girl. Why? Because growing up any attempt at being a girl I was either told I was being conceited or shallow for wanting to impress people or I was made fun of for looking like a dork. I learned early that it doesn’t matter what others think of how I look or who I am, it’s what I think. Even though, most of the time, others have a more loving view and opinion of me than I do of myself, it’s still what I think that matters. I don’t think dressing nicely makes you conceited. If you feel pretty in what you are wearing, then wear it. I don’t think having makeup and jewelry on daily make you over the top. If it makes you feel good about yourself, then who cares? But it does become a problem when you’re getting ready, if it’s for other’s happiness or acceptance that you dress up. Or if you view yourself in the up most perfection and everyone is beneath you and ugly compared to you. Or if you can’t see people for anything but what they have and not who they are. It’s a fine line, to not create that kind of monster yet make someone feel good about themselves and not feel guilty. I think that is scarier than doing the girly thing, not wanting to screw up and turn her into something everyone can’t stand.

We have nail polish, we have cute clothes and girly toys, we have head bands (ick still not a fan of these), and now it seems we need to get shoes. She’s only 14 months and already the girl power is taking over. Shit shit shit.


Veronica Lee said...

Hi! Stopping by from MBC. Great blog.

Nikki said...

Thanks for stopping by! Come again soon ;).