Saturday, May 22, 2010

A bug in my pants and pizza in my daughter's lap

Today has been one of THOSE days.  You know the ones where the weirdest things keep happening.  Its not a bad day, its just totally crazy.

Bailey has soccer on Saturdays, and today it was HOT HOT HOT.  It was 80 degrees at 10:00am with 70% humidity.  HOT.  Everyone was sweating and gathered under the little shade that was there.  The poor munchkins were red cheeked and drippy haired 10 minutes in.

Anyway, I kept feeling this weird crawling sensation on my leg.  I shrugged it off as sweat, since I was constantly wiping it out of my face.  We came home after the game, changed the kids clothes, and headed out to a fantabulous pizza place about 40 minutes from here.  We were 10 minutes away when I felt something.

It was a soft scratching feeling on my thigh and when I reached down to scratch it, I could feel a lump under my jeans.  Did you read the title of this post?? A BUG WAS IN MY PANTS!! What kind, well your guess is as good as mine because by the time I managed to work it up so I could reach down my jeans and find out what it was (which I'm sure the cars whizzing by us were loving that sight) that bug was about a 100 pieces.  It was brown....and a bug and that's really all we could tell. 

Now imagine, your driving down a interstate when the woman in the truck beside you starts having a fit of some kind.  She's waving her hands and jumping in her seat, and what looks like jerking something in her lap....yeah I did that.

Bo and Bailey were laughing at me, while I wiggled and twitched trying to get anything left of the bug out of my jeans.  My skin is still crawling from this.  How that damn thing got in my jeans I don't know.  I only felt it on my thigh, so it didn't crawl up my jeans.  Plus I had just grabbed them out of the dryer.

Now on to the pizza.  We get to the lovely pizza heaven, get comfy at our table and wait for our drinks.  The waitress brings Bailey a glass of milk.  A very dirty glass of milk.  Not only was it dirty on the outside but it was dirty on the inside as well!  Oh yeah.  It took a while before she got back to us, it was crowded today, and we told her about the dirty glass and we'd just take Sprite instead since there was no more milk.  She comes back, puts the drinks down on the table and takes off.  Since we were trying to keep Jocelyn entertained we didn't notice his glass right away, and when we did we were speachless.

This girl poured the milk out of a dirty glass into a clean glass and there was stuff FLOATING in it!!!  It took a good 10 minutes to get her back to our table to tell her again what was wrong and what we wanted.  She was apologetic but seriously, what kind of retard does that?  We were there 20 minutes before he got something he could actually drink!  It's a good thing our drinks were fine.

Eventually we got our pizza, I'm kinda thinking this waitress had something to do with the slow service.  At least I'd like to think so since she sucked ass.  She forgot the little gizmo to stack the pizza's on our table, and proceeds to set a pan of hot pepperoni pizza inches from Jocelyn.  If I hadn't reached out and blocked her she would have dove into it.  I am not joking you it was maybe 4 inches from the side of the table right in front of my baby, if we hadn't been watching she would have pulled that right into her lap.  And what does the girl do? She says "Ooooh" softly, as if she just saw something cute and proceeded to place the other pizza down.   The waitress didn't even move the other pizza, we had to.  Bo asks her for the gizmo stacker and its like oh duh I'll go get that. 

We're not the complaining type, we understand everyone has bad days especially restaurants.  But I swear if we hadn't drove so far, and their food wasn't so amazing, we would have left.  As it was, we were so ready to get out of there that we forgot to get the manager to tell him/her what happened.

But the weird crap doesn't stop there.  Oh no my friends.

This week its like a switch has been thrown in Jocelyn's head.  The switch labeled "Chaos", because she is into everything, doing things she knows she can't do since she grins and giggles as she does it, and she screams and yells all of a sudden when we tell her no.  This kid had to be held down in her high chair! If she wasn't trying to stand, she was trying to turn around completely, or get both legs inside the high chair.  Have you ever tried cutting a pizza with a fork with one hand while holding down a toddler?  I can tell you it aint easy or fun.  I had the general supreme pizza, which is so much better than any other supreme type pizza out there I have to say.  She had mushrooms and peppers and olives, three meats and all sorts of goodness.  Except the second bite of olives, and any of the meat she spit out. All she'd eat were mushrooms and the pizza crust, yet she'd eat the pepperoni from Bo's pizza and not mine.  Go figure.

She took her shoe off within the first few minutes we were there.  And tried to get the other one off but failed. 

She dropped the crayons I don't know how many times, but tried to eat them more than anything.

She pulled and yanked and twisted the paper to color on in front of her every chance she got.  Bo and I both had a hand on it to keep it down almost the entire time.

Anytime anything got near her she lunged for it like a snake striking....and took bites the same way.  I'm surprised we have fingers left.

My daughter is a freaking hellion!  I am now that mother, with that child, who can't sit still, who can't be quiet, who is constantly hearing "No," "Shhh", "Stop that", "Sit down", etc.  I looked at Bo near the end of lunch, and said something like "Holy crap she's insane lately," and Bailey replied with "See Mama, I told you I didn't want you to have a baby."

We were at the restaurant for over an hour, the majority of that was waiting.   We got out of there as soon we were able to and headed home....ok we did stop to get frozen custard and yes I fed my out of control child a sugary treat.  I wanted one damnit, and since I'm a sharing Mama I gave her a few bites.  I wasn't about to let her behavior deny me that erotic to the tastebuds treat. 

It's also grocery shopping day...I'm afraid to leave my house again.


Draft Queen said...

That is weird because yesterday AT WORK my supervisor had a bug crawling in his labcoat pocket!

Also? I made my man read the bits about Jocelyn at lunch to ask him if he really does want a baby. That is EXACTLY how I remember it.

Hopefully grocery shopping was uneventful.

Nikki said...

HAHA thats is funny! Yeah she is that kid you look at and say "Wow that looks far too tough for me". I wouldn't trade her for anything though...its just a total shock after her brother, who we could take anywhere without any problems. He was so quiet and still, and she's sooo not. She is a sweetie though, she just doesn't want to sit down and lets you know everyway she can.

She's a reminder that not all kids are created equal ;)

Jodene said...

Oh, how I giggled!

It's amazing how bugs are so tiny but they cause such chaos ... and so do kids ;-)

Trista's Barn said...

Following you from MBC. I too am very OCD and have major anxiety issues. I look forward to following your blog.

Nikki said...

Jodene - EXACTLY!!

Welcome Trista thanks for following!