Thanksgiving

I know I will be out all week and won't be able to blog more than likely, so I'm doing it now while I have the chance.  Here are my thankfuls and my not so thankfuls.

The things I'm thankful for:

My insanely awesome husband, who puts up with my mental crap and my low talent of housekeeping.  I think it's the food I cook that keeps him here...or the fact that I put out almost daily.  Whatever it is, I'm so glad he's been by my side for eleven years now.  I would have nothing without him.  There's nothing better than cuddling on the couch watching tv or trying to be quiet so we don't wake the kids when we'd rather be anything but.  I love the way he makes me feel.  The way his skin feels against mine.  The way he smells.  All the way down to his dagger toe nails and one ball.

My son, who although is testing us at every opportunity, I cannot say how much I love him.  I can't get enough of his random comments and his cute little smile, and that laugh OMG that laugh that we don't hear near enough.  I HATE that his teacher has him now more than I do.  That she has that job now, and I'm second..ok third Rock Band is first.  And while I'm on that subject, he can beat most adults at that game and he's only 5, no shit folks.  I'm so proud of how smart he is and how excited he is to learn more, there's no telling where this boy is going to go in his life.  He's a ball of energy, very loud energy, so that when he's not in the room, we look around thinking something is horribly wrong, when in fact its just Bailey that is missing.

My daughter who is set on breaking a world record that no one knows of yet.  She's a headstrong little shit, and I can't be more proud of her being that way.  She says things out of the blue that shows us she listens, she just chooses when to obey it.  This insane personality is squished down into this teeny little girl, and each day bits and pieces get loose and we get a glimpse of who she'll be some day.  She's smart, but she dictates her speed.  She listens, but on her terms.  She's a lover, taking care of her babies, her brother and us in the cutest ways.  She's more me than Bo, yet she has his drive and his confidence which makes for an interesting combo.  I love her like crazy, and when she smiles up at me with those blue eyes and that teeny little Shirley Temple dimple, my heart melts even more....even if she has just spilled her chocolate milk all over the cat.

My parents who have shown me that you don't have to be extravagant or rich or famous, to be royalty.  They are two of the hardest working people I have ever known and I know I will never ever come close to them, and I don't even try.  They blow me away before I start.  They may not have understood me growing up, but I can see now that I was loved and wanted and it was just my inner crone who told me differently.  They will always be my Mama and Daddy no matter how old I get. 

My MIL Bonnie who has always been there for us.  If there was anyone who scares me, it's her.  If there was anyone I'd trust with the deepest darkest secret, it's her.   I love and I admire her.  She's one tough cookie, and one special woman in our world.  She's the strength I wish I had, the courage I wish I had and the balls I wish I had.

Miss, my bestest bestest bestest friend and my Honey Cheeks.  I could spend days on this one, since she is a HUGE part of my life.  I don't go 10 minutes without wondering what she'd think about something or what she was doing or if she needed me.  She's my sister and there's no way around it.  She's helped me through some horrible times, even though she's 2000 miles away from me.  There's no competing, there's no jealousy, there's nothing but love and respect between us.  We see things differently, yet we see things the same.  My world we be a dark place without this star!

Jodene, Jodene!  What can I say about a woman I have never met who has touched my life so immensely.  Your positivity, your whole outlook on everything is contagious.  I find myself being positive and thinking "Ok Jo wouldn't bitch and moan like this, she'd find the positive aspect and think of nothing else".  You're a bad influence young lady ;).  It's strange to say I love you, but I do.  We've connected thousands of miles and countries apart.  And to think, it's all because of something so simple as blogging.

The rest of my family and friends, as much as I'd love to give everyone special attention I can't.  It's not that you aren't special or that I love you any less, it's just that these people have stood by me the most this year.  All of you are in my thoughts, and I get a big smile when I think of you.  I think of all the funny memories I have.  And I am reminded why I am so very thankful to have all of you in my life.

My not so thankfuls:

I have only one, and I know I probably shouldn't even write it as it will more than likely be exploded into some ugly troll when all it is is the truth, but it's the truth and sadly this is the only place I can say it.

So...This week I have to spend a few hours in a house with someone I don't want to.  Someone that at one point I found special and loved dearly, but who has shown me that she never felt the same about me, or anyone in our family.  It breaks my heart that all of our love, attention, support, respect and trust has been thrown away as if it meant nothing.  It breaks my heart that this person hasn't come forward to apologize and make things right.  It breaks my heart that she's pretending she's done nothing wrong.  It breaks my heart to know others are pretending the same just so she will still be in their life, because she's that important to the family.  It breaks my heart that I can't do that, that I see it as the worst insult anyone could do to those who love them, that I'd rather treat her as she treats me.  It breaks my heart that I'm going to have to be a cold person, when that is not me.  I want to be thankful for this person, as I still love her and no matter what she does it won't change that, but I don't like her and I can't stand to think of what she's done.  The fact that I even have to say this, even only in my blog because if I dare to say this out loud then I'm the bad one, it will be entirely my fault and she'll be off the hook even more so, makes this holiday less.  Less thankful.  Less of what I thought family meant and was supposed to be.  Less of what it could be.  Less of what we ALL deserve.