Friday, December 03, 2010

I hate repeats

Way back in March, I made Miss a promise that I would get up every day, get dressed in something cute/sassy, fix my hair and put on my makeup.  That I would NOT under any circumstances leave the house without makeup.

Somewhere I stopped doing these things. 

Yeah Miss, smack me a few times I need it!!

One huge reason is my hair is still crap.  I don't know what happened, it no longer does its curly thing.  I get it to, then about 20 minutes later it falls and looks as if I haven't combed my hair in weeks.  Ick.  It makes putting makeup on and getting dressed redundant.  I don't match.  Straightening it is out of the question, I can't get the layers to blend and my cowlick in the back refuses to lay down.  So I skip it, pull my hair back into a teeny tiny pony tail, and wear the first thing I can find. 

I look hideous, I know I do.  But I've stopped caring again.  I know that has a huge part in why I'm struggling to lose weight, struggling to get things done, and feeling like a big fat slob.

Anyway I got up this morning, and wanted to put something cute on.  I did.  But when I looked in the mirror at my horrible hair and my naked face, I felt like shit...I still do.  It hit me that I've broken my promise, that I've gone right back to where I was before your visit. 

It completely pissed me off and I walked away from the mirror and have no desire to look again.  I don't understand why I do this to myself.  I don't understand why I can't keep on track with anything I do.  I hate whining about it, I hate talking about it, but it's the truth and I don't lie.  I feel pathetic.  I feel useless.  I feel worthless.

What's wrong with me?  What am I missing?  Because everyone else seems to be able handle the simplest things when I can't.

1 comment:

Jodene said...

Hang on there just one second lovie! You are so not alone in this and I think you might have missed just how many of us are in the same boat.
I felt as though I was reading my own blog my friend. There have been days where your blogs have been all positive and I have wanted to throw in the towel.
We are all in this together my friend.

Just keep trying every day and not being mean to yourself when you can't and you feel it fall into place! If not, just try again tomorrow my beautiful, sexy friend!!!