Wednesday, January 26, 2011

The chaos inside

My brain is going in a million directions because I'm beyond struggling to do my whole resolutions thing.

No I'm not giving up.

I'm actually quite pissed that it's so hard to remember to do.  That I'm forgetting it all so easily and so thoroughly that I only remember in the mornings and the rest of the day it's as if it the resolutions never crossed my mind.

So of course, in the mornings I'm going nuts with how to change, what to do, what direction to take, what drastic step next.  And I'm lost.  I'm stuck.  

It's like I need to cross the road, I know why I need to and what I'll do when I get there.  But instead of seeing one step at a time in my minds eye, going across the street in only one direction, I'm seeing thousands of directions and steps all leading to that one spot across the street, from every possible angle. 

I'm OCD'ing this to death, LOL.

No I'm not giving up, I'm going to beat this.  I'm going to find a way.  I'm going to finish this. 

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