Tomorrow is Jocelyn's birthday party; she'll turn two on Monday.
Normally when I have a deadline of people coming over, I do better at keeping up. I mean, ok so I do get behind and still have things 5 minutes before the people show up but ahem I do my task list...slowly. But this time, I just haven't had it in me.
And I think I know why. Two weeks ago I decided to stop taking my happy pills. No no, it's ok really, don't panic...yet. I wanted to see if it was causing my lack of sleep. And my spacing out and brain garbled into such a mess I miss things in front of my face and forget my name half the time.
Plus I hate taking meds, hate hate hate it; I'd love to be able to not have to take them. That's not saying I won't take them again or that I don't agree with it, oh no I wouldn't be where I am today without those little gems. I just want to do this without them. I want to find a way to not need antidepressants. How...well I'm still working on it. But at the time, I think I'm hitting the withdrawal period.
I kept forgetting my pills about three weeks before I stopped taking them, so in a way I weaned myself. I can definitely tell something's way off. I have a hard time focusing and staying motivated. I jump around to things more often, spending very little time on anything. I'm exhausted. I'm moody. The best sounding activity to me, is to sleep, alone, wrapped up in blankets for a few days.
Which oddly enough is how they made me feel in the first place, but it's different now somehow. I can't put my finger on it, but it's just different.
So tonight we have a ton left to do to get ready for her party tomorrow. We always manage to do it, but it's still stressful to have so much left at the buzzer.
I've petitioned some helpers tonight, and they are Coconut Rum, pineapple juice, and cranberry juice...