Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Sometimes chaos is a gift

I've been writing like a fiend...all in my notebook and now have 30+ pages to transfer to my laptop.

I've been keeping up with my routines (for the most part), which is something I haven't been able to do in weeks.  The house is looking better, not fab, but better.

Packing is...well it's going slowly but it's still happening.  We are now at 24 days until the move.  I'm trying to stay positive about this number. Thinking 'We've got 24 days until we move into the bigger, newer, prettier house' instead of 'Holy fucknugget, we have 24 days left and we have barely begun to pack'.  Makes things feel a lot less stressful and me more productive...which in turn keeps my butt moving.

We have Bailey's soccer practice twice a week, as well as Saturday school to make up for the snow days.  The whiny kid inside me says 'Nooooo that's too much I just want to stay home' then I remind myself that I'm getting out of the house more and it makes me feel good once I'm there, it's also keeping the kids from becoming hermits like me. 

I do feel like I'm being pulled in a million directions, failing at every one of them, and about to give up at times.  But I'm getting through it.  I force myself to focus on today only.  On one segment of the day at a time ONLY.  It's making it easier to get through the day, even when I'm juggling 15 things all unrelated.

I have to say, and this will so come as a shock for some of you who have read my blog for a while now, I'm proud of how I'm getting better at this.  I really truly am.  And when I feel like I'm done and I've fucked it all up again, I remind myself that I have done it, or something close to it, before and I succeeded so I know I can do it again. 

I won't lie and say my brain goes 'Ok Nikki let's do this' it's more like 'Fuck you I could care less what happened yesterday or last week, this is today and today I suck'. 

I OCD the bitch shut by saying it over and over again, and eventually she shuts up, gets off her ass and starts something.

Maybe I needed more chaos to get my butt in gear, because it seems to be working.

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