Wednesday, July 06, 2011

Border control

We had this awesome idea of a body pillow to ward off Bo's wandering hands.  It's now been 4 nights of HELL.

Let me explain.

I found the fluffiiest, thickest body pillow I could find. I then took this wall of white fluff and put it down the center of our bed.  Easy right?  Wrong.  We are both left with a small strip to sleep on.

Here's #1 of why this idea isn't working.  WE HAVE NO ROOM TO MOVE.  I normally sleep in one position, on my side, anyway but I do change my position through the night sometimes..  I have to manover myself just so, so that I don't fall off the bed.  If I was any fatter I'd be in the floor.  I literally have enough room for my fat ass to lay in a straight line.  Excuse me I like to have my leg bent, not angled ever so slightly.  If I turn toward the pillow, I'm smothered by white fluffyness.  Don't tell me to sleep on my back or my stomach, Nikki don't swing that way.

This thing is so big, we can't see each other over it.  I have to climb on top of it just to lean over to give him a kiss, or vice versa. 

But it hasn't stopped his damn wandering hands.


Oh no, it hasn't.  He still sneaks that hand over and tries to de-pants me even though he can barely touch me with the tips of his fingers.  You know what he's started doing NOW? He touches me for a few seconds in one spot before he moves his hand a fraction of an inch, OVER AND OVER AND FUCKING OVER AGAIN.  After the third time I just started slapping the bastard's hand any time he touched me.  Because you better believe that now after all this crap I wake up instantly when he touches me.

You know what he tells me?  That he's woken up to me rubbing him a couple times so it's not just him doing yeah my three times is so equal to your 10 times a frickin night.  And last night I somehow swung my leg over that pillow and put my heel in his Mommy/Daddy button and racked him.  That's when, he says, he started waking up touching me, BECAUSE THAT FOOT ON HIS DICK TRIGGERED IT....Yeah.  I really appreciate this being my fault.  Oh and he says that the pillow is helping cause he's only tried to take my pants off once in 4 days........

If I had it in me, I'd stay up all night and pay him back and then say 'welcome to my world bitch' but at this point I'm afraid he'd enjoy it too much.


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