Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Mending

Believe it or not, I've wanted to blog...I just chose not to.  But this morning I decided to just give in, because why am I fighting it?

Not that avoiding my laptop hasn't been oddly relaxing, because it has...which is weird because it's my only connection with the outside world during the day.  But I've been happy not having that connection.  It means I don't have to pretend quite so hard and so much.

Or that I have something to say...because I really don't.  I just have that need to write.

Things are better but not great.

I'm smiling again...laughing...but still feeling so terribly overwhelmed by everything and everyone.

There are no plans for this week...other than to survive without screaming and breaking down in tears.  I don't want to do that again.  I hate that feeling; I lived with that feeling for far too long and would prefer never to experience it again...ever.

So I'm here...just not here...with my nose in a book, taking deep breaths and counting down the minutes until Bo comes home.  Not just because I miss him, but because him being home means I have help and I'm no longer 'alone'.

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2 comments:

singedwingangel said...

Oh I hate that feeling of being alone. It is overwhelming in the worst way, and I know the tears and frustrations that can come when you get there. ((hugs))

middle child said...

I get the feeling of wanting to be alone. To be nobody's nothin'. Just to be yourself, alone with your dreams. Calm, relaxed knowing you will not hear anyone asking or demanding anything from you. I know you love your family but anyone sho has felt this way totally understands that. Hope yu can somehow get some down-time.