Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Stop me if you've heard this before

I should be used to this by now, except every night is something different and new.  I wake up with fingers in places they SHOULD NOT BE, my pants around my ankles and a certain body part poking me painfully in my hip...or in other more intimate places.  I'm literally to the point that if Bo touches me I wake up and start hitting him to leave me the fuck alone.

The first instance last night included penetration with fingers in a not so friendly place, not the first time...sigh.  The second instance was something new and of course Bo is all 'That's awesome.  That one goes in the books'.  Right now I can't say I'm laughing about it, it may take me days to finally find the humor in it, because I'm so fing tired I can barely keep my eyes open.  The only humorous thing for me right now, is the idea of sleep.  I've come to believe it no longer exists.

So I'm sleeping and I feel my butt get cold, and because I'm in and out of sleep I'm all foggy and don't truly realize what's going on.  I'm pretty sure I fell back to sleep for a while.  Then I notice something wet is touching my butt.  The more I wake up the more I realize it's lips...Bo is kissing my ass.  I jerk away, not sure if I kicked or hit him or what I did to be honest, before telling him to fucking stop it and let me sleep for THE LOVE OF GOD.  He woke up instantly coming to his knees saying 'woah what the hell' a few times as he looked every which way in a panic as if he was about to be attacked.  He'd literally hunkered down as low in the bed as he could go (and according to him his legs were hanging off the bed at first) to 'attack' me.

I rolled over and tried to go back to sleep...tried being the key word.  It didn't happen, or at least I don't feel like it ever did.

You know it's pretty sad that he's doing these ridiculous things to me while we sleep, because it makes me not want him to touch me at all or kiss me or freaking look at me.  I have to fend him off of me all night like some crazed stalker.  I shouldn't have that feeling about my own husband but I do.  There are days where it's far too hard just to kiss him thanks to these nightly attacks.  What he's done is seriously putting a wall between us...or maybe that's just me wishing there was so I COULD GET SOME FRICKIN SLEEP!

I'm not so cold-hearted that I blame him or that I'm mad at him, I'm pissed at what he's doing in his sleep.  I know he can't really help it, and it keeps him from getting sleep too sometimes.  I'm mad because I think it's him working up until close to midnight before coming to bed.  I'm mad because I think it's all the stress he's under from work because he works so much.  I'm mad because no matter what we've tried it only lasts for a day or two before it all starts again.  I feel bad, it's gotta suck on his end too, but I'm at my wits end about this.

Tonight, one of us is sleeping on the couch.  I can't do this anymore...


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