Today

Today I gazed out my window of my office...ok fine it's the dining room...as I took a break from blog surfing and gazing at books, which is my porn you know.  I thought I need to snap some shots, to show how my day looked.  


You are curious to know what I do all day.

Just admit it.  

My view's not so bad right?  Rural neighborhood in a small-ish town that is growing extremely fast. The other views included the polar bear and his mammoth sized poo piles...figured you'd prefer these shots instead.

And my company, well they freaking rock.

Look at that face!  Those cheeker weekers!  Don't you want to just nibble and eat her up?

She and I have had a boring time of it lately.  These past few weeks have not been the best, emotional and energy wise for me.  But things are getting better...the more sleep I get.

Which reminds me, thank you oh great dr. who prescribed Bo sleeping pills.  You deserve a kiss with tongue my good man.

  

She's too busy eating her Nutella and fossils (aka pretzels) to care that there's a camera.  She's my kinda target.

Each day I feel a little more like a human.  It's kinda weird let me tell you.  But at least I can take these moments and enjoy them instead of letting them pass me by.

And when little man got home I attacked him with the camera.  He's the kid that poses the second he sees a camera and smiles so crazy like you wonder how his cheeks don't burst from his face.  I had to tell him NOT to pose, to be normal.  Look at his book and just let me take a picture or 20.  

This made him nervous, and I saw myself and my dad come out in him.  He doesn't chuckle and stiffen up like my dad does.  Or say over and over 'I HATE pictures.  Please don't take a picture of me' like I do.

But when I say give me a bit of a smile, there's that pose again, there's that smile, and he gets all fidgety as if he's trying to hang onto a million monkeys.

Everything else about my day doesn't matter.  You don't need pictures of me lying on the couch in a fetal position hoping the Tylenol kicks in soon.  Or of my hair that's half ass in a pony tail and my look of 'don't fuck with me or you will lose a body part'.  Believe me.  These two munchkins, they matter.  They are part of why I get up in the mornings and keep trying to overcome my issues.  They are why I smile and why I laugh and have fun.

Well that and their daddy, who will get his own camera attack momentarily. 

Not a joke, I promise

Anyone wanna do a project with me?

I know...stop laughing.  Please.

Stop.

Seriously.

Jocelyn's birthday and party is next Tuesday here at the house.  And since I have this deadline hanging over my head I've been more apt to clean.  It's not unknown that I do great under a deadline of someone coming over, and totally lazy when left to my own devices.  I don't make my own deadlines, I never ever have.  I do make great plans/goals and go apeshit crazy over putting them together but I don't complete them.

Which I'm sure is making you think 'Oh Nikki I'd love to do this project with you, you seem totally competent' right about now in a sarcastic tone.

Work with me please, ok?

I have 8 days, 5 full days with Bo's help, 2 full days with Bailey's help to get this house company ready.  I am not alone in this endeavor, and I will not have to do it all by myself.  Which has gotten me quite relaxed and stress free about it.  It's kinda nice....and why I'm thinking of making it a blog thing.

Like an 8 day trial run, blog trend...as a goal...as a project...with a deadline...by me.

I heard someone choke...

His first phone call

Yesterday I got this call:

'Ma'am can I speak to your son' this little voice asked

Thinking it may be a wrong number I asked 'What is his name?'

'Um, I don't remember' was the voices awkward reply.

Then his mother gets on the line and tells me her son Jack got a phone number from his friend at school and was so excited to call it that he forgot who gave it to him.  I gave her Bailey's name and when she asked Jack if that was his friend I hear this 'Yeah that's it!  It's Bailey!' yippee type squeal in the background and a commotion followed by her laughing.

When Bailey got on the phone the cuteness factor skyrocketed.  You would have thought the boy had never spoke on a phone before!  Everytime Jack said something, Bailey had to tell me.  I had to say 'Talk to Jack' over and over, although now that I think about it didn't do me any.  It was obvious it was important to him that I be aware of the conversation.  I had to know the joke he just told him and that he was talking about what they did in class.  You know, quantum theory and solving the worlds greatest mysteries and all.  The call ended with Jack asking Bailey if he would play with him on the playground today at school, he said yes and then Jack was all 'Bye' and hung up.

'I guess he hung up Mama' Bailey said as he waved my cell phone in the air in this confused, I don't know what just happened way.  And he was off to play, as if nothing happened.

I sat there giggling for a few seconds at this 3 minute phone call of awkwardness I just witnessed when it hit me.  My son just had his first phone call from a friend.  My insides got all squirmy, my eyes filled up tears...and then another thought hit.  Oh jeepers play dates.  I. Am. Screwed. Six. Ways. To. Sunday.

I've made my decision

I want a raise and here are my demands:

Mondays, I'm allowed to sleep in as late as I desire and I don't have to drive Bailey to school in the morning.
Tuesday, I'd like Henry Cavill to bring me coffee wearing nothing but that smile...and everyone else must leave the house for the whole day.
Wednesday, is my night off, nuff said.
Thursday...Henry Cavill again...ok lets just make him a daily treat shall we?  He's my flavor of the month.
Friday, Jeffery Dean Morgan brings my coffee, Henry my breakfast and Paul Walker can fluff my pillow....again everyone not listed must leave the house.

I don't think that's too much do you?  I mean I am a driver, cook, nurse, lawyer, judge, maid, teacher, librarian, vet, comedian, etc... oh and porn fluffer wife.  I deserve some perks.

What would be your list of demands??

This is TOO close to home

I will not give out my location for this, I know I know I'm not a super star and need to keep my local on the down low but excuse me if I'd rather share blow job stories than my address.

This morning at the PreK and Kindergarten Elementary school in town, where two of our nephews attend I might add, white powder was found in an envelope that was mailed to the school!  So far no word yet on if it's serious or just a prank, but this isn't the first time this has happened.  Yesterday two places in town had the same thing happen and before that two separate places in neighboring towns had it happen.  No connection has been found yet, no word has even been given on what the powder was at the other places other than it's a household substance.

This is seriously wrong and dangerous, I don't give a flying fuck if it's baby powder, this is not funny.  You don't do this to businesses and you sure as hell do not do this to schools where innocent children are.  The school couldn't even call the parents to come get their kids because they had to evacuate as soon as it was found.  Thankfully a local news station posted an article on Facebook so some parents are aware of what has happened and has picked up their kids.  Right now everyone is just waiting to hear any news.

A part of me wants to get Bailey out of school, even though I know that's being drastic but this scares me and it's scaring this whole town.  I hope they find out who is behind this ASAP and put them behind bars or in a padded room because this is fucking crazy!  This person cannot be sane.

Parenting tricks

We've talked over and over about things we can change in how we interact with Bailey and how to discipline him, I've even purchased books to help.  One book in particular hasn't given us much help, the other two I just bought last night so we still have hope for them.  There's two things we've tried so far and have actually noticed a change, and I thought I'd share just in case anyone out there is having similar issues with their munchkin.

1 - Every day I ask the kids to help me do something.  Jocelyn is a so a 2 year old, she'd rather play or empty out the bin we just filled with toys, plus she's seen her brother throw fits over cleaning and she thinks that's normal.  There are times we make it a game (see who can pick up the most toys before the timer goes off) and it works, other times neither could care less.  It's always hit and miss, but I refuse to let it go because they need responsibility.  Last week Bailey did his typical fit of 'NO I DON'T WANT TO CLEAN NOOO!', I told him he either picked up the 6 items or he'd clean something I chose.  When he didn't clean up the toys I said he got to clean the toilet.  Now I admit I made it worse by laughing and saying how happy I was that I wasn't doing it and there was lots of dripping sarcasm, but I was piffed and my attitude slipped out.  He didn't like it, but he cleaned it, and ever since if I say let's clean up our toys he does it without much of a fight.  In fact I can't tell you how many times I said that we'd start cleaning at a specific time because I had something to do first, and he'd start cleaning without me.  It hit me last night that he's been doing that ever since he cleaned the toilet.  Who would have thought!?!?!  So now it's either he cleans what I ask him to or I choose something.  Either way he gets his job done, he gets praise for helping and I get to check off one less thing on my to do list.

2 - Ignore the bitch.  Now I don't believe in ignoring the kids bad behavior, because it should be addressed and it should have repercussions, however sometimes ignoring can do you some good.  One of the things he does is he continues a fight for as long as he can.  For instance in time out he sits and screams and says mean things to me, and the more he does it the longer the fit and his anger lasts.  Most of the time I ignore him completely and just remind him ever so often in a calm voice that time out will not start until he is quiet.  Well that's not exactly how Super Nanny says to do things, but excuse me if my son says he didn't do anything wrong and it's my fault he just kicked the cat you bet your biscuits I'm going to put the smack down. Except what we've done is taken what he was initially in time out for and added on other things, making it a timeout for everything instead of one thing.  We talked about this the other day and how its obvious that sometimes he eggs things on for extra attention, and those times we should just ignore it.  We tested it out when he threw a fit over something (totally can't remember now they are all one blur at the moment) and instead of rising to his scream of no he wasn't going to or whatever it was, we didn't comment on it at all.  Instead of him screaming and whining/fake crying for 30 minutes, he didn't last but a minute or two before he stopped completely.  HOT DAMN!  This means that in time out we ignore him when he tries to make things worse, no matter what he says or does, we ignore him.  And to make sure he is given the least amount of ammo, he's now sitting in the corner on the floor with his back to us instead of on the rocking chair where he can see us and can rock himself into the wall.  Anytime he screams out in anger trying to keep the fight going, we are ignoring him.

This is not to say he's improved so much he's a new kid, not hardly.  But we've seen a few changes and a few instances of this working, and that is far better results than what we were doing.

Found an answer

It's looking as if Bailey is a strong willed child.  On one hand thanks to all things holy it wasn't 'bad parenting skills' that was the culprit.  Other hand, shiiiiat this is hard because we have to parent differently.

We thought he was getting better and we were getting better at handling his outbursts.  Then Tuesday came along and I got a call from the councilor.  No he wasn't doing better, he was the same but that day he was worse.  Like way worse.  Like sent to the principal twice, got taken around the school to observe how to act in class and then ended up in detention worse.

My 6 year old.

My first instinct was of course anger.  I'm doing what they say.  Every morning and evening it's the exact same routine, he knows the goal and he knows what's expected of him.  But that doesn't matter, it's still a fight with lots of yelling and screaming.  Before shopping trips or going out for dinner, we explain the rules and what's expected of him/them.  Doesn't always matter, he still makes it difficult up until we are in the store/restaurant.  If we say 'you do this one more time and you will be punished by blah' and he does it again we follow through with it.  We don't give in to his whining.  We don't shower him with toys and candy to make him mind.  ETC.  And we have from the beginning.  According to the experts this is a huge tool and one that will give kids stability and help with behavior.  But Bailey, he wants to do what he wants, when he wants and doesn't care what you ask of him, punishment only lasts so long and he knows it.  The experts need to come to my house for a few days, ha.

It just so happened that on Tuesday night there was a parent's workshop at his school and we moved heaven and earth to get there on time.  The first workshop we attended, they had many to choose from, was about family routines.  We aced it, the only thing we came away with was on times he drags his feet to set a timer, everything else we do and always have.  Who said we don't have routines down in this house...oh me yeah well now I know differently.  Oh that and he has far too much free time, and should earn it not get it naturally, but we already knew that. The second session we chose was for behavior.  The lady went through all the you set the rules, you don't bend the rules and you always follow through with punishment stuff.  So I piped up, what happens if you do that and always have but your child, who at one time responded to it, no longer does.  She asked me a few questions and I explained how no matter what the punishment is or how consistent we are with rules and punishments, he continues to scream and yell and fight us on things because he'd rather be doing something else. She referred me to books on strong willed children and said that would be very helpful to me, that it sounds like that is the problem which means our parenting isn't bad, it just doesn't mesh with a strong willed child.

She felt bad enough that she gave me a very tight and long hug after the session was over and made sure I understood it's not our fault, and it's not his fault either and we are not alone.  I like that little ol lady, I asked if I could keep her and she said no.  Bummer.

I've got one of the books she recommended on my Kindle, I've read like 10 pages so far and so far I haven't learned anything really.  But at least now we have a direction to go in, and if this book or the other books she told us about doesn't work, we can look in a new direction.  It's better than nothing.

Her father the super hero

This morning while changing her diaper, Jocelyn told me a story that went a little something like this:

Mama I saw the moon upstairs (she means in the sky)

You did?

Uh huh and I need my wings so I can go get it.

Do you have wings?

Uh huh.  I have wings like Tinkerbell.  I put them on and fly to the moon and get it.  It's my moon.

Hmm you will need to practice that sugar.  That's a long trip.

Daddy can do it.  Daddy is a super hero and he can fly and get the moon for me.

Daddy is a super hero?  Hmm that makes sense.

Yes.  Daddy is a super hero.  I'm little but I can make it too.

You are little but you can make it to the moon too?

Uh huh cause Daddy and I can fly to the moon.

Stupidity is such a bore

I had a conversation with someone the other day that just infuriates me.  He's an ass, plain and simple, and he thinks that makes him funny.  Wrong, it makes you a dick, but you'll never realize it or even be man enough to admit it.  But I digress.  He basically told me that all my issues are all in my head and I just need to do it and stop whining, because my problems don't even exist.  Don't exist huh?  I told him well aint that just sweet, must be nice to never have experienced such difficult things to even know what you are talking about.  He talked over me of course.  I gave up, you can't teach stupid, closed minded people.  He'll always be a dick, he'll always think I'm just being a baby, and that's fine with me.  I'd rather surround myself with people who actually have a clue vs. someone who's a dick.

It's people like him, saying the shit he does, that put more pressure on being normal.  I try hard, but I always come up short and then there are far too many people like him who think depression, OCD, ADD, ADHD, and many other mental illness's don't exist and we're just lazy and difficult or drama queens.  It's no wonder his child acts the way she does, he think she's stupid and difficult instead of someone who needs extra help dealing with emotions.

But it's also people like him that inspire me to NOT be like that.  Bailey has problems with his emotions, I mean the terd bucket starts crying when his food touches sometimes or if he's trying to get a bouncy ball to be still and hold up a book.  I may not understand it and it may annoy the bajeezus out of me but he can't help it.  And instead of yelling or telling him he's being a baby, I need to get in there and talk him through it.   Instead of telling him to suck it up and be a man, I need to get on his level and see what happens.  It's hard, REALLY hard in the moment when it's like really come on this is not something to cry over.  How hard is it for him though?  How hard was it for me when I was puking my breakfast up minutes before we left to go shopping because I was having a panic attack, and my parents yelled and punished and told me I was being silly?  Hard and lonely.

The dick can keep his 'knowledge' of emotional issues, because at least I can say I'm trying to understand my child and help him, and I'm not telling him to shut up every time he talks or that he's driving me insane because he's being stupid.  Can he say that?

Breaking him in with sex talk

Family warning: Don't read further unless you want to bleed from your eyeballs.

Picture it: Last night Bo and I were standing in our kitchen talking about our day after the kids were in bed.  Long story short something happened at work today that touched on our past and I was asking him how he explained to the boys how he went from 'friend zone' to boyfriend with me.  That's when we started talking about our early days, when we made out semi naked (the day I woke up and realized he had a penis, shut up don't judge, I've known him since I was 5, we weren't moving THAT fast) in our friend's uncle's bed, and then a few months later scrogged in his dad and step mom's tub and a few months after that in my parents bed.  We were both cringing that we did such stupid things and how on earth did we overlook where we were when in walked Bailey.

We have no idea how much he overheard.  But the few sentences that were said seconds before he walked into the kitchen concerned whether or not I had just a top or just pants on that first day at our friends house.  Bo made the remark that either way he had access to something fun.  I saw Bo freeze and look in the door way then I hear "I need a drink".  Thus two adults giggled and hawed over the next few minutes as we realized we just got caught.  AND OMG WHAT DID HE HEAR.

He's 6.  He's a smart fella and he has always asked the right questions.  I can explain sex to a teen, but a 6 year old?  A teen gets penis and sex jokes and knows what a stiffy is.  A 6 year old doesn't and has a crappy sense of humor.  I can't tell jokes to my 6 year old!  I can't give goofy visuals to break the ice so the kid's comfy.  If I say you hang from the ceiling fan, clucking like a chicken with a bottle in your ass, the kid is going to think that really happens.  I'm going to have to rethink my tactics.

Dear Bailey, sex is something fun you do when you become an adult.  If you do it too early, then the girl's coochysnorcher will bite your winky off and eat it for breakfast.  It has to grow in properly before then or bye bye winky.  Sex is a funny tickle in your trunk and when it's done right it get's real happy and spits with joy.  But aim carefully, that shit stings the eyes.

Life with a Tasmanian Devil

Saturday I had a shopping trip with my friend, which was awesome I might add, and Bo was here all day with the kids.  Yeah allllll day, I left at 11am and didn't get back until 6:30...gasp me shopping that long is unheard of.  But I digress.  He decided that playing upstairs would be fun for them so up and down they went.  (We have a child gate on the stairs to prevent her from going up and getting hurt.)  Between all the ups and downs, the gate got forgotten and she made her way up and was alone with a litter box for a few minutes.....

She grabbed some objects and created candles, then grabbed one of those rubber door stops things and started scooping the 'sand' as she called it.  By the time Bo realized she was up there alone (he says was maybe 3 minutes), he ran up to check and there she was, having herself a little party with cat shit.

I've said it before, but I'm saying it again.  Either Joss will cure me of OCD or she'll drive me bonkers and I'll need a straight jacket and a padded room...cheese and rice.

Promising to be a long night

Both kids are sleeping in new and bigger beds tonight.  There's a very said Mama here tonight.

Bailey has been in a toddler bed as long as we could keep him there.  One, he's short like me and could still fit in it until now.  Two...well come on he's still my baby and damnit the kid should not be too big for a toddler bed.  That's not fair.  And now it's Jocelyn's bed.  JOCELYN'S!!  It was one thing to take down the rail on her crib to make a teeny weeny day bed, but a toddler bed?  Her crib in the garage?!  No more baby bed?!

I need a drink.  A tall one, with lots of booze.

The bizz of a SAHM

SAHM life is a business, did you know that?  We juggle our houses, children, spouses, pets, ourselves all at the same time every single day.  Some of us rock, some of us, ahem, sink.  But one thing we have, is each other to help get through all the mess.  Or at least that is how it should be.

It's weird I actually know of a few SAHM's in my 'circle' and yet we never really talk about that side of life.  Yeah we talk about kids sometimes, but not parenting tricks or ideas or cool projects to do with them or around the house.  Just OMG my child was a butt today or guess whose doing another fund raiser?  And just about all of us stash and dash whenever company comes over.  Where's the help ladies?  What's so hard about discussing that side of our job?

Oh I know what it is, judgement.  Too many people out there think they have it the right way and anyone else is wrong, wait not just wrong but a bad mother.  Those people I want to slap, and I do give them a good fuck you when the moment calls for it.  I am so allergic to bullshit, acchooooo.  I do not think I have it right, and I do not judge other's actions.  I was taught it wasn't my job to judge.

I have two kids, three pets and a husband and I feel all alone in this house.  Bo gets it, but he doesn't GET it like someone else in the same position does.  And I need more of those voices to show me I'm not alone, that other's go through the same thing every day.  Some worse than I've ever imagined.  But it's not just me that needs it, other SAHM's need it too.  This job isn't easy, it's hard (being a parent is hard period) and I think we need more connections and circles and help so that we remember why we chose to stay home, so that we can smile and be happy, and not have to fake it.

Are you with me?

Yup I'm in one of those moods

FAMILY WARNING: THERE ARE LOTS OF SEXUAL VIDEOS (WITH NUDITY) BELOW WATCH AT YOUR OWN RISK!!!  YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!!







OOOOh and this one


The reason why I LOVE this man, he's funny as hell and can sing!!


EEEE my favorite part is at the 1:20 mark, oh the giggles


Ok, I'll stop but let me just say I have like 15 more videos I'd LOVE to share.  I'm in tears, my sides hurt and I'm going to count that as a workout.

So...why the videos?  Um no reason really I'm just in a goofy mood and thought I'd share and make you laugh.   Today I want to laugh, I want to listen to some good, butt shaking music and have some fun.  Plus it's Wednesday, Mama's night off and I'm feeling frisky.

So I'll leave you with this song, and just know that I've got it playing it over and over as I dance like a monkey around my house trying to clean up shit. 

School day #2

Yesterday was Bailey's first day of school.  No I didn't blog about it.  I tried to get some sleep instead.  Which didn't actually work, but I tried.  And then I played Bejeweled on Facebook and put duct tape on my eyelids until it was time to pick him up.

How did his first day go, you may wonder.  Seems it was half and half, he started to get teary when I first asked him that question and said that they didn't do what he wanted to do.  But then he went on to tell us about the three kids in his class that he knows from last year and the swinging bridge in the playground and how he got to draw what he wanted to in art class.  Hot damn, that boy HATED being told what to draw so hopefully this keeps up and they let him do his own thing.  Maybe that will be one class he likes cause he kinda gets to call the shots.  He was bored to tears last year with all the coloring and 'baby' stuff, and was really looking forward to 1st Grade when they challenged him.

I think we all are and I'm hoping today she challenges his cahonies off.

Jocelyn is not happy that he's in school and she doesn't get to go.  She's cried after leaving him both times and yesterday when we went to pick him up she said 'I want to go to school too' in this sad little voice.  Broke my heart for a sec then I said 'Bitch you are not leaving me anytime soon so calm down' and Bo looked at me and told me that wasn't very nice.

Excuse me, she's my baby, she's only 2 and SHE IS NOT GOING TO SCHOOL FOR A VERY LONG TIME...just give me that ok?  He moved on, and she continued saying she wanted to go to school too.  I'd rather not think of when she goes to school, thank you.  That's just...um nope not thinking about it.

As for me, I miss the little shit, but MY GOD IS IT NICE NOT HAVING AN ALL DAY FIGHT WITH HIM.  He and I were butting heads almost every second of the day,.  He's got it into his head its his way and I'm the one in the wrong because I'm making him do it my way.  Oh yeah, it's not Daddy and Mama's rules, nope it's Mama's rules and I get all the blame.  OMG, seems my father's side of the family gene is dominant and the men rule and the women suck...I'm just going to have to beat that shit right out of him.

After dropping him off today, I thought it would be the toughest since Bo wasn't here to distract me from the anxiety.  But I did just fine, I got to see him walk to the door which is a HUGE thing for me and I could care less about the 2 mile long line behind me...I have a finger for them if they start honking, ahem.  I thought it would hit when I got home, but nope it didn't.  In fact I was like let's get to work when I walked in...

First night off

Once dinner was done, I walked away.  I took me a glass of sweet tea, my book and my phone and barricaded myself in my bedroom.

Or as much as I could since our bedroom is Jocelyn's changing station.  And with every diaper change or clothing change, in comes Bailey with his Tonka truck rattling and varooming around the room.  My paradise was interrupted three times, loudly, annoyingly, but I handled it.  I wasn't mad that they were all in there, I just wasn't thrilled the silence was disturbed and it was L.O.U.D.  I was enjoying my 'silent' bedroom all by myself. 

If you consider muffled noise from outside the door silence, which I did, it was better than full volume.

Maybe next time I'll go upstairs and take my chances with the litter box.

Nonetheless, it was amazing.  About 3pm I started getting excited about it.  Antsy to have Bo home so I could walk away and not worry about any of them for a while.  I felt bad for that, but I couldn't help the excitement at the thought of it being just me.  And when it was time for me to clock out, I was smiling and practically skipping.

It was strange yet oh so wonderful.

All I ended up doing was reading and listening to Pandora on my phone.  That's it, and it was AWESOME. 

But that's when all hell broke loose, because as we all know you can't have the good without the bad.  By 10:30 I was done with my book and HAD to write the review before I went to sleep.  It was a good read, one I'll never read again cause it got the OCD going nutso, and so I had to get all that info out or I wouldn't be able to sleep.  I finished it at 11:45.  No it's not a huge review, I typically write and rewrite and rewrite the same thing over and over until I feel it's ok...meaning three little paragraphs can take me 3 hours sometimes.  But I knew if I didn't write it I'd be doing it in my head as I'm trying to sleep.  By midnight I'm laying in bed, wide awake.  So so very awake and energized I could have laughed out loud in the dark if Bo wasn't trying to sleep next to me.  I ended up tossing and turning all night long, and then getting up after FINALLY falling asleep because it was 3:30am and Jocelyn wanted to play and was screaming in her doorway.  Back to being wide awake.

The next thing I know, Bo's kissing me and telling me he's leaving for work.

I'm feeling like a zombie again, a mentally refreshed and less irritated zombie.

He says it's a step...I say I'm not impressed

Everything annoys me right now.  I have no tolerance or patience or niceness left.  I feel bad, I really do, but I can't help it.

Basically, I'm on a constant simmer of anger but if you get me talking about the things I have to do around here, or the kids and their behavior, I'm yelling and angry instantly and you better leave me alone for a while.

So imagine how happy and fun it was last night when Bo and I sat down and went over some ideas and changes to make things go smoother for me around the house and with the kids.

I was pissed, yelling and doubting every suggestion...even my own. 

We've only changed a couple things about the daily 'routine', and yet it feels like my already overwhelming workload has tripled.  I know this isn't true, but my emotions are saying differently.  I'd rather do nothing at all then have to make sure I keep up with the three things we added for the kids to do each day.  I don't get it, I really truly don't, it's not like we're asking them to detail clean an entire room every day, it's extremely simple tasks.  But I'm at that point of anything is too much.

The only light I can see is that today is Wednesday and that's now my night off.  After dinner, my job is done, DONE, and I can do anything I want to by myself.

Just call me Dr. Evil

Bailey made a comment yesterday that pissed me off, although it was true, and today I'm making him pay for it.

Everyday at dinner we talk about our day, what was good and bad about it. When Bo asked him what he did yesterday he said 'I played games and with my toys; I did whatever I wanted'.

He's right, although we have rules on how they can and can't act (that totally and completely gets ignored), that's about as far as their responsibility goes. We ask very little of them because once they get older they'll be smothered by responsibilities, and we'd like to let them have some fun first. Except now, it's created selfish shitdom around here.

It's no wonder little things like asking him to get dressed is followed by a dramatic fit as if I just asked him to bathe in acid.  He gets away with whatever all day long except for his behavior.  Which is why he acts like a spoiled brat that gets whatever he wants, and no matter how we punish him for his behavior, it doesn't work.

So from now on they will be handling their crap.  As in picking up toys, picking up the playroom and their bedrooms.  I will help, but they will be doing 80% of it themselves...or more likely Bailey will as Jocelyn views this as a warped game in which she empties any bins that have been filled onto the floor and starts putting things back where they were, scattered around the house. 

I'm hoping I can train this one before she becomes as allergic to responsibility and cleaning as her brother.

I'm also hoping that I can come up with daily tasks for them to do around the house and stick to it.  It's part of our night time routine to return toys back to the play room...but this gets done once a month if I'm lucky. 

I have my own issues about cleaning that I deal with every day, even now that I'm all CLEAN MUST CLEAN thanks to moving to this house.  I struggle keeping up with my own responsibilities, making him do his seems a bit hypocritical.  That's something that I have to work on; it's something I have to teach them.

I know if I can get them to help more, my job will be easier.  And that is a wonderful dream.  So for now, we're just getting the house clean so that tomorrow when my mom and niece come by to babysit so I can FINALLY get my hair did, they won't be swimming in toys and crap.

Once they figure out this is an every day thing, well I'm already dealing with temper tantrums over little shit...I won't really notice at this point.

She's been introduced

Here's the scene:

Bo's getting dressed and Jocelyn is running in and out of the bedroom, bathroom and shower doing her normal thing.  Bo changes his underwear just as she runs through the bathroom door, he having not realized she was close by.  And this is what she says

'Daddy you have a nini!! You have a big nini Daddy!!'

Nini is her own personal name for vagina.

He comes walking into the living room minutes later chuckling and says 'guess what your daughter just did'.  Considering my daughter, I figured she'd once again tried to eat toothpaste brush her teeth or grabbed the razor to shave or got the hairspray or put something in her mouth.  I was ticking things off in my head of what she could have done now.  I was not expecting this one.

I asked him if it made him feel all manly that someone said he had a big nini and he was all 'oh yeah, I'm huge' in his best egotistical jock impression...then we both bust out laughing.

This has been added to our parenting book of things to give our kids shit about when they are older.

Tried....unsuccesfully

I don't know whether to be offended or happy that Bailey wasn't really interested in doing much of anything with me yesterday. 

But I did try.  I mentioned all sorts of things to do and it was answered by 'Nope, I just wanna play by myself Mama'.

But we did make popsicles...there's that right?

I may not have clingy, attention needy kids.  I have independent, self sufficient ones.  And honestly, that's not a bad thing.  That's kind of a good thing.  In fact that's an awesome thing.

I know first hand what it's like to know someone who can't function on their own.  It's rather annoying.  And I have a tendency to do this myself sometimes.

And yet...it breaks my heart a little that he's only 6 and she's only 2 and they are both rather good at finding their own entertainment.  Not to mention when I say 'hey show you me your maps, let's see what we can find' only to hear not interested from a boy who pours over these things for hours and shouts for joy over something new he found or something he's actually seen on the road.  Have I really been that absent that they don't know what to do with me either? Or am I really just that boring that they'd rather do it alone than with me?