The day after

We walk into the living room this morning and every single balloon is on the floor (we always get one of those box 'o balloon things of like 250 balloons and helium).  The table still has her Princess table cloth on it.  There are cake crumbles all over the tables, and floors.  My clean tables and floors...sigh.  Wrapping paper was crammed into a pile near the fire place, the cat needed a bed apparently (the cat did this, not the kids).  And my nephews walker is covered in cracker crumbs and cake and ice cream splatters.

I'm sure your wondering why we didn't clean this up last night.  Well we did clean up, we threw away the plates and cups, put up all the snacks, etc.  But then our bodies went OMFG stop, stop right now I cannot do any more, we are going to plop down on that couch right there and STAY THE FUCK PUT UNTIL BEDTIME!  And so we did.

The kids refused to put themselves to bed.  The audacity.

So in the dark, rainy light of today, the mess awaits me.  It's not a big mess, I don't have piles of dishes to worry about or anything else really to distract me.  Which means I'm not going 'well if I clean this, that doesn't get cleaned' over and over until I can't breath and my fingers are all tingly.  I can breathe and I can see where to go/start.  It's nice.

Oh and the party, there was 5 kids under the age of 6, 4 of those being boys, three of them mobile, my parents, his parents, his brother and his wife, were all in the house.  And I survived it.  I was not stressed or anxious or overwhelmed by the noise and all the bodies in my house.  Nope, not even for a second.  It wasn't until after they all left that I was like huh what do you know.  I think it's the house, the size and how it's laid out.  Even with everyone in the dining room and living room, they are connected without much of a wall separating them, it didn't feel claustrophobic at all.

Show of hands??  Yup I made it to the other side whole and intact.  And oddly enough with energy today.

Stay tuned...

Happy Birthday to a squirrley nutball

On this day 3 years ago, a crazy thing happened.  Out popped this little, squished up baby girl who had defied us all from day she was conceived.  I knew from the get go she was going to be something else.  A flying by the seat of her pants kinda chick.  Bo laughed and said I was just being funny.  No one really believed me.

But now they do.

Jocelyn does things by her own rules.  Who says she can't eat toothpaste?  Who says she can't pretend a tire from her brother's toy car can't be her pretend gum?  A pen/marker/crayon is for writing on things with, there are no safe surfaces.  A toy in her sight is hers.  Or a car.  Or a horse.  Or a tractor.  Or an airplane.  Anything is hers if she can see it.  Letters and numbers are so beneath her.  Nope she'd rather watch Backyardigans or play with her baby dolls.  Just because there's a door and she's been told do not enter, that doesn't mean anything to her.  Nope she'll sneak in, swipe something and run away giggling like the little clepto maniac that she is.  And you can't trust a word she says.  She'll tell you stories of her pet giraffe that lives in her room.  She'll tell you Bailey just hit her or stomped on her foot, except he's at school.  'Mama!  Mama!  There's a bug over dere'...'No Jocelyn that's a lego'....'No Mama that's a bug'.

She's a clepto and compulsive liar with no fear.

She's the kid who would grab an umbrella and jump off a roof to see if she could fly.

She's the kid who would sneak over to touch that hot stove when she was just told not to.

She's the kid who would not leave knicknacks alone.  Nope she'd take them to her room, hide them until you forget about them, then color them with markers, and return them to where she found them.

She's THAT girl.

But good gravy she's funny as hell.

She's got her Mama's mouth.  Which we all cringe at.  When I was little I'd tell everyone my daddy was fat and lazy, and Daddy is goofy enough to have thought it was funny.  And guess what?? She thinks so too.  'See those cows over dere?  Those cows are lazy.  Papa is lazy like those cows', she said to us so seriously just this weekend.  He was so proud when we told him, then told us that that's not the first time she's said that very thing.  And to think, we do not encourage her or even call my dad lazy.  Her comedic timing is dead on, and keeps us in tears.  And that smile she gives, or that giggle, like she knows she's good, how could you doubt her?  She gets on to Bailey as if she's me, using my tone, my 'Mama face', my words, the whole bit.  She's a miniature me when it comes to her mouth.  But she loves her babies and takes really good care of them, even if they are always naked.  She cuddles with her brother every chance she gets...of course she also steals his toys when he's not looking but whatever.

She's madly in love with Bailey and her daddy, me well she tolerates most of the time.  Her day doesn't begin until Bailey gets home, and then it's like an explosion of Jocelyn when Daddy walks in the door.  No one plays like Bailey.  No one does pony rides like Daddy.  It's the sweetest, cutest thing to watch her light up when the boys are home.

She adores girly things.  Pink.  Sparkly.  SHOOOOES!  But don't you dare touch her hair.

I can go on, this does not scratch the surface of my baby girl, not eeeven close.  But I've got things to do and a certain birthday girl to cover with kisses.

Happy Birthday Jocelbean!  You are our squirrely nutball.  You make us laugh and shake our heads and dread you growing older because your only going to get better/worse the bigger you get.  Not sure we can handle it LOL.  Your our star, our rainbow baby, our sparkler on the 4th of July.  We love you more than words can say...


PS...promise me you'll be potty trained this year?? Mama is so done with diapers it's not even funny.

Not a joke, I promise

Anyone wanna do a project with me?

I know...stop laughing.  Please.

Stop.

Seriously.

Jocelyn's birthday and party is next Tuesday here at the house.  And since I have this deadline hanging over my head I've been more apt to clean.  It's not unknown that I do great under a deadline of someone coming over, and totally lazy when left to my own devices.  I don't make my own deadlines, I never ever have.  I do make great plans/goals and go apeshit crazy over putting them together but I don't complete them.

Which I'm sure is making you think 'Oh Nikki I'd love to do this project with you, you seem totally competent' right about now in a sarcastic tone.

Work with me please, ok?

I have 8 days, 5 full days with Bo's help, 2 full days with Bailey's help to get this house company ready.  I am not alone in this endeavor, and I will not have to do it all by myself.  Which has gotten me quite relaxed and stress free about it.  It's kinda nice....and why I'm thinking of making it a blog thing.

Like an 8 day trial run, blog trend...as a goal...as a project...with a deadline...by me.

I heard someone choke...

Waving a finger at 2011

It's Tuesday, January 3, and the holidays and 2011 are officially over!!! HOT DAMN!!!

Did you survive?

Did you start a new hobby to help you manage the stress...like drinking?

Mine is curling myself up in a fetal position and singing the Backyardigans theme song before I go to bed.  It's quite calming.

I woke up this morning and was like aaaahhhh life is about to go back to normal now.  Bo went back to work today, Bailey goes back to school tomorrow and I'll be left alone with Squirley the screwnugget all day trying desperately to get/keep my house clean.  Although I'm looking around now and realizing, I have been cleaning a lot over the past week and the house looks way better.  Merry Christmas to me!

2011 was a rough year for me emotionally.  It was a full year that I was not on happy pills and let me just say OMFG I understand why those little bastards were invented.  If I liked the dazed and confused feeling they give me I'd get back on those suckers right now.  But I'm still iffy on them, and still wanting to do this on my own.  Who knows I may stop being stubborn in 2012 and take them again.  It was the year Jocelyn completely confirmed my suspicions that she really is a flying by the seat of her pants kinda girl.   She ate toothpaste, vitamins, and any piece of food she found on the floor.  Anything is her sucker, including toy hammers and hangers.  She's a sneaky, mouthy, dominating klepto.  WE ARE SO TOTALLY SCREWED UP THE BUNGHOLE is our new slogan.  It was the year Bailey's attitude/emotions/anger seemed to blow up suddenly into something we had never witnessed before and was frightening coming out of a 6 year old.  Thankfully we were able to beat him into submission, which I plan on sharing tips with you now that I know it works.  It involves duct tape and laffy taffy, it's totally legit.  Oh please shut your pie hole, it's actually a rather clever book that really has changed things.  2011 was the year I became a great aunt, and I'm now known as Auntie Niknak...no one has jumped on the bandwagon yet but I'm persistent, it will happen damnit.  There's more, but it's early, the coffee hasn't kicked in so I'm moving on.

To say I'm glad 2011 is over is sugar coating things.  I'm fucking thrilled.  The above paragraph may seem bright and shiny but honestly, it wasn't.  I was stressed out, depressed, OCD'ing like a crankwhore, and all around screwed up last year.  I saved you all the trouble of having to read about it too often...you are very welcome.  And now instead of reliving those bad moments, I'd rather be funny.  Laughter is much easier to hear than crying.  My hopes for 2012 is that all things get under control, or at least more manageable than they were last year.

I'm leaving you with a song.  It's inspiring.  It's poignant.


What?!  Were you expecting something serious?  You really don't know me.....

Paul Bunyan style

Because neither of us could come up with things we wanted for Xmas, we decided we'll just go all nerd on the holiday and get ourselves some new cookware.  We've been needing to for a while now, so why not?

You see this pan?  This pan right haaayere, is appropriately named of Paul Bunyan.  See, I have a 10 inch skillet that I love because it's easy to clean and cooks evenly, but it's only big enough for things like scrambled eggs or sauteing a small batch of veggies, it's not deep enough for my cooking.  I wanted something big enough to handle the recipes I make.  This bad boy is 14 inches, and in my head I thought 'that would be perfectly big enough to make blah blah blah'.

When it arrived yesterday I damn near peed myself.  This is the biggest damn pan in the world I tell you!  Prove me wrong!  I'm curious and excited to actually cook with it.  I'm also itching to see what kind of objects I can fit into it...like the cat or letting Frost use it as a beanie.  But there's this part of me that is afraid and wondering if I should just send it back and get it's younger brother.

Turning 30

I remember about 13 years or so ago (totally can't remember, how's that for getting old hehe) when my BIL turned 30.  He was distraught and not happy at all.  I remember giving him a hard time about it right along with everyone else.  If I think a little harder, most of the people I've witnessed who've hit 30 has thrown a fit or been depressed about it.  Like my other BIL, who once Bailey was born swore he'd never have another birthday again (Bailey was born on his birthday) since it was no longer his so he could avoid hitting 30.

My 30th birthday is coming in February and Bo's is in April, and I'm here to tell you it's not THAT bad.  I think these two boys especially are just whiny bitches.  I again quote my grandma, you are only as old as you feel, and age isn't everything.  I don't feel old and I don't feel like crying because I'm about to turn the BIG 3-0.  I think the funniest part about our birthdays this year is not whining and throwing fits to show his brother and my BIL what big babies they were when they hit 30.

Bring on the black balloons and 'Older Than Dirt' signs all you want, you won't see us crying.

And because we're about to turn 30, I thought we should have a big 'ol bash to celebrate.  Neither of us have had a birthday party since we've been married...yeah we suck.  What's even worse is our short list of friends to invite.  I came up with the fab idea of having an all 80's party right down to the music and fashion.  Bo just rolled his eyes at me.  The nerve.

So I'm asking all you wonderful people, what did you do on your 30th?  I'm looking for ideas and inspiration, because I think we both need a big celebration this year.

Just in case your curious

I survived my first official Turkey Day dinner.

Ok technically there was no turkey on our table but still.

I purposefully spaced things out so I wasn't cooking everything at the same time.  If I'm too distracted, everything burns or I miss or over or under measure ingredients.  I started at 9am, we ate about 6, and that was way harder than I ever thought possible.  I kept the sides minimal and made sure everything was fairly easy, but three things were time consuming and involved lots of cooling ingredients in between cooking.  I have to say, I'm terrified of hosting a real Thanksgiving or Christmas at my house.  That was just for us and I was stressed out.  I don't want to think of doing that for 20+ people....eeeesh.

We now have a fridge full of tasty goodness that will last us all weekend.  I am beyond thrilled that I don't have to cook any time soon.

I hope everyone had a safe and fabulous Thanksgiving!

Only a week to plan, yeah I can do that....maybe

Why don't we have Thanksgiving at our house this year? - Bo asked me this morning as he was marking stuff on the calendar...

Wait what?!?!

This year seems to be an off year in our family concerning holidays.  Normally we go to 3 or 4 houses in 1 to 2 days, it's chaotic and so so stressful.  But this year everyone has new plans and we'll only be attending his mom's.  I find this normal, as that's the number of houses I visited each holiday growing up, but for Bo this is strange and a bit sad.

I get it, in fact I understand why he wants to have our own this year and am totally up for it.  I however can't help the sinking feeling of OMG I have never done anything like this before...can I even pull it off?

There's only 4 of us, and I know I don't have to go all out and make 20 sides and 10 pies/cakes.  But what's Thanksgiving without traditional sides?  Why bother calling it that if you don't have the familiar 'faces', you know?  At least we'll have enough food to last us all week...

I have a feeling that the giant, almost full bottle of Vodka in the freezer is going to finally be gone.

How about them apples

Everywhere you go you see someones New Year's Resolutions.  Some are against them, some live by them and then some, like me, have never had success with them.

I've tried to write this here post about 5 times now, and it never fails, the things I say I'm trying to work on creep into the post and contradict what I'm saying.  It's becoming more and more obvious how bad my mind has become and how it's affecting my blog. 

I'm going to try again, and this time I hope I get it right.

In 2011, my hopes are to take better care of myself.  Not just the things that affect the outside, but also the things that affect the inside.  Because it's the inside of me that is the culprit for how the outside looks.  It's something I've been trying, unsuccessfully, to work on.  But because I never give myself 100%, I just keep running in circles.  I'm dizzy, and I'd really like to stop treating myself so badly.  Not only that, but I don't want my daughter to fall into this family pattern.  Being positive and forgetting my past failures, are the top two tasks in this category.

In 2011, my hopes are to be a better mother.  I'm great at taking care of them, feeding them, clothing them, etc, but playing with and entertaining them not so much.  I come from a family where everyone did their own thing, it's all I've known and it's hard to break that habit.  I'd love for my kids to have memories of me playing with them when they were little.  It's something I don't have of my own parents.

In 2011, my hopes are to be closer to finishing my book if not finished entirely.  I made the decision of shelving the series I was working on for a single book, as it will be easier to get published first.  I want to take this more seriously, and find a way to fit in my writing every day.  I want to see where I can go with this hobby of mine.

In 2011, my hopes are to find the discipline in me to do the things I need to do.  I chose to quit my job when Bailey was born and be a SAHM.  However, this entire time I've basically lived as if I was on a very long vacation and did as little as I could get by with.  It's made our lives very stressful.  I would love to be able to do my 'job' well enough that that the stress and worry is gone.  So we can enjoy being at home as a family, instead of rushing around cleaning.

I don't think I'd have the courage or the ability to think it's possible to try yet again, if it wasn't for my wonderful blogging pal, Jodene.  Her positivity is contagious. 

What are your New Year's Resolutions???



Our duty is to be useful, not according to our desires, but according to our powers -  Henri Frederic Amiel

Welcoming the new year!

I'd love to tell you of the wild and crazy party that happened at the house last night.  I'd love to tell you that we got drunk with our friends and had a hot, drunk, nasty orgy on our living room floor as the ball dropped.  I'd love to tell you that afterwards we all danced naked around the house cheering for the new year.

But I can't.

Because it didn't happen.

I fell asleep around 7pm, woke up around 8:30, did some laundry, played some FB games and then we watched Fast and the Furious...and fantasized about Paul Walker with his baby blues doing naughty things to me.

Mmmmmmm, give me a minute.

Maybe more.

Ok I'm good. 

So, totally sure you really want to hear this but it pisses me off so guess what I'm sharing, my visitor showed up early last night and ruined our plans of ringing in the new year.  We improvised, so the bitch didn't win entirely.

And then I couldn't sleep for nothing.

Exciting huh? 

Now don't feel sorry for us, this is normal.  We're that boring folks.  Probably because we're two different brands of nerd.  We're not against partying are we Miss, but we are happiest doing simple things. 

I'm sure some of you are stumbling around this morning, with a pounding headache and I'd really love to say GOOOOOD MOOOORNING, HOW ARE YOU TODAY!!! SOUNDS LIKE YOU HAD FUN LAST NIGHT!! OH YEAH, YOU LEFT YOUR UNDERWEAR HANGING ON CEILING FAN!!

Sneeze...sniffle....coooouuuuuggggghhhhh

I really should go back and reread all my holiday posts because I swear I've been sick during holiday's every time. 

I caught the cold Bailey had.  And sadly so did Jocelyn who is so miserable it makes me want to cry.  She doesn't have a fever anymore, so that's an improvement, but her eyes are watery and swollen and she squints to see out of them.  Her nose is all runny and you can hear the drainage when she talks.  I feel more sorry for her than I feel sick, and right now I feel like shit. 

No I haven't taken her to the dr because when I took Bailey in, he basically said it's just a cold and unless it goes away then comes back with a fever and worse than the first time, it'll pass with over the counter meds.  When I mentioned she had started to get sniffly, he said the same thing about her.  I'd rather not waste another trip, but man she seems miserable.

I'm thinking I need to press rewind, and ask Santa for a sick free holiday, or at the very least cold meds that actually work for us.  At this point, there's no recouping from the holiday, we're still trying to get through being sick.

Ah Christmas Eve

This is the first year ever, that we can remember anyway, that we've had a holiday at home.  Most years, Christmas Eve is at my parents and Christmas Day is at FIL and SMIL's house and/or MIL's, but this year everyone but FIL changed their days.  I was a bit scared to handle today, I don't know why but I had no idea what to do.

Do I cook a lot of food?

Or do I just make snacks?

Whatever I choose WTF am I going to make??

I ended up going with snacks, and an overnight stuffed french toast for today's breakfast.  I did more cooking and sherrifing two ankle biters than cleaning yesterday but at least everything was made.  And having tested almost all of it, IT'S ALL FREAKING GOOD.  I know that the next three days is going to be horrible for my ass and I am going to enjoy every minute of it because come Monday, I'm starting a new diet.  No seriously, no giggling. 

And dragging Bo along with me mwuahahaha.

This morning Jocelyn woke up a little before 7, it was still nice and dark and cozy in our bed when she began whailing.  I asked Bo to go get her, which he did cause he's awesome.  And begged all things holy that my already groggy self would sleep through her wiggles and Bo could go back to sleeping entirely undistubed.

However, all things holy had other plans.

She was not for sleeping at all.  And grunted and shifted and sniffed and sneezed and coughed.  Yeah I was so cussing like a sailer in my head.  Then we heard a shuffling and Bailey walked into the room.  He climbed in and we all cuddled up.  I think Bo and I were so exhausted from being up until midnight wrapping everything that we were stupid enough to think we'd get to go back to sleep.

We finally gave up and started the present unvailing. 

Then things started going down hill.

Bo became sick, some stomach issue that has kept him from enjoying today.  And as of now has been sleeping for the past two and a half hours. 

And Jocelyn has developed a fever and no matter what meds we give her her coughing, sneezing, draining is still there.  Poor girl.  But at least the fever goes away with meds.

Yup....not exactly the first Xmas at home I had in mind.

Merry Christmas to all!!

Good gravy

Yesterday was another of those days where we became bombarded by options.  It's the craziest thing that this keeps happening. 

Miss and I posted pictures and info about the land on Facebook and got all sorts of comments.  Now so far no one has said I'll take it, but people were asking questions and that's a good sign.  And according to Miss, someone she knows  is very interested.

To which I told her that this lady has two weeks to buy it from us or the offer was gone....ok so that's a lie but that would be freaking awesome if we sell it that fast.  Wouldn't it?!

Not only does Facebook appear to be a good tool for us, but BIL called yesterday to say that one of his friends is interested and wants to go see it today!  CAN YOU SAY OMFG?!?!?! 

Bo is the logical one, the calm one, the one who waits until the last possible second to get excited about things, and he's now excited, which is early for him.  He's more like, we use the key to open our new house, walk in and he's like 'YES THIS IS AWESOME LETS DO A HAPPY DANCE'.   I've been on the edge of my seat this whole time with anxiety/excitement and he's been 'if it happens it happens, which would be great, but if it doesn't we'll find something else'.  I was like 'seriously dude this is HUGE, this is MAJOR, this is FREAKING AWESOME, and I WANT THAT FUCKING HOUSE NOW' and he was like 'calm down woman you need another pill'.  But now he's finally grinning like a moron and talking about the house and what we need and how we're going to get packed and ready to move and blah blah blah.  I've finally got me a partner in the excitement circle.

Wanna hear something totally unheard of and out of character for me?  I've become OCD sidetracked about it!  Somethings wrong with me ~insert eye roll here~.  Although I have this plan forming in my head that is productive and totally needed, I have yet to do anything about it because I'm so focused on thinking of it to stop and pack.  Of course it doesn't help that we don't have that many boxes to start packing yet, and can't get any until after the holidays.  So technically I'm not behind, I'm ahead of the game....just barely. 

I'm off to make Christmas cookies, clean the house, make the cheese ball, the cream cheese roll up thingies my Mama makes, cut up the veggies.....and at some point wrap all of the gifts since we haven't wrapped  yet.  I will have Xmas music blaring, while I dance around the house in my Naughty Mrs. Claus outfit.  Anyone want to come over and help me?  I have free beer and Coconut Rum for ya!

Happy Holidays, no matter what you celebrate and if you don't, still love ya, still glad to know ya, and sending warm hugs and kisses to all!!

Up from my sick bed

Can I say that being sick during Thanksgiving was a bitch? 

Friday, Saturday and part of yesterday I camped out on the couch.  I felt absolutely horrible.  My chest hurt.  I couldn't stop coughing.  My nose was like niagra.  It was sad and pitiful to watch...and hear since I lost my voice.

I took some Mucinex DM, thinking it would make me feel better.  I mean that's what that stuff is meant to do right?

Wrong, oh so very very wrong!!

We figured out that was what kept me up Thursday night.  I woke up Friday and felt much better, but within an hour of taking another dose, my tongue was numb and I was as high as the ceiling. 

I couldn't move without the room spinning in three directions and I kept having shapes and bright colors swirling before my eyes.  I started panicking randomly AND my eyes were bugged out. 

I've mentioned before that I respond weirdly to meds sometimes.  But when Bo did some research, I wasn't the only one experiencing those side effects.  Talk about relief, I was terrified I'd have to go the  ER because of that shit.

My Xmas present to you, DO NOT TAKE MUCINEX DM!

So sick

It is 2:41 am as of this moment and I cannot sleep.

I have an inkling that I have caught Bo's bronchitis.  I've seen many people shrug off bronchitis as nothing major.  Then I watched Bo be home from work for an entire week and go through two rounds of antibiotics and he's still using his inhaler.  If this is whats wrong with me, I will never underestimate bronchitis again.

I almost bailed on Thanksgiving today but I pushed through it.  I figured we're 20 minutes from my parents, if I can't handle it I can come home no prob and Bo can take the kids to his Mom's party.  But I got through them both, although I wasn't all that hungry and it was cold hell.  By the time we got home though, I was so exhausted I dozed on the couch for 3 hours then got up and went to bed. 

Only to lie awake, room spinning in a million directions and my anxiety kicking my imagination into high gear on whether or not the cough and sinus meds I took along with my happy pill and vitamin is causing me to feel worse and could possibly be fatal....until an hour ago when I said fuck it and got up.

I really hope that me trying to be brave and not miss out on seeing everyone, gets anyone sick.  That would really suck.    I also really really hope neither of the kids gets this.  It's horrible.  I don't think I've ever felt this bad before.

So while some of you are out beating each other up for that last pair of boots or the new 'Tickle Me Elmo' fad item of the year, I'm going to go to the doctor, beg and plead for something to make THIS SHIT GO AWAY.....



p.s. oddly no drama today...maybe that's why I feel so out of my head

Thanksgiving

I know I will be out all week and won't be able to blog more than likely, so I'm doing it now while I have the chance.  Here are my thankfuls and my not so thankfuls.

The things I'm thankful for:

My insanely awesome husband, who puts up with my mental crap and my low talent of housekeeping.  I think it's the food I cook that keeps him here...or the fact that I put out almost daily.  Whatever it is, I'm so glad he's been by my side for eleven years now.  I would have nothing without him.  There's nothing better than cuddling on the couch watching tv or trying to be quiet so we don't wake the kids when we'd rather be anything but.  I love the way he makes me feel.  The way his skin feels against mine.  The way he smells.  All the way down to his dagger toe nails and one ball.

My son, who although is testing us at every opportunity, I cannot say how much I love him.  I can't get enough of his random comments and his cute little smile, and that laugh OMG that laugh that we don't hear near enough.  I HATE that his teacher has him now more than I do.  That she has that job now, and I'm second..ok third Rock Band is first.  And while I'm on that subject, he can beat most adults at that game and he's only 5, no shit folks.  I'm so proud of how smart he is and how excited he is to learn more, there's no telling where this boy is going to go in his life.  He's a ball of energy, very loud energy, so that when he's not in the room, we look around thinking something is horribly wrong, when in fact its just Bailey that is missing.

My daughter who is set on breaking a world record that no one knows of yet.  She's a headstrong little shit, and I can't be more proud of her being that way.  She says things out of the blue that shows us she listens, she just chooses when to obey it.  This insane personality is squished down into this teeny little girl, and each day bits and pieces get loose and we get a glimpse of who she'll be some day.  She's smart, but she dictates her speed.  She listens, but on her terms.  She's a lover, taking care of her babies, her brother and us in the cutest ways.  She's more me than Bo, yet she has his drive and his confidence which makes for an interesting combo.  I love her like crazy, and when she smiles up at me with those blue eyes and that teeny little Shirley Temple dimple, my heart melts even more....even if she has just spilled her chocolate milk all over the cat.

My parents who have shown me that you don't have to be extravagant or rich or famous, to be royalty.  They are two of the hardest working people I have ever known and I know I will never ever come close to them, and I don't even try.  They blow me away before I start.  They may not have understood me growing up, but I can see now that I was loved and wanted and it was just my inner crone who told me differently.  They will always be my Mama and Daddy no matter how old I get. 

My MIL Bonnie who has always been there for us.  If there was anyone who scares me, it's her.  If there was anyone I'd trust with the deepest darkest secret, it's her.   I love and I admire her.  She's one tough cookie, and one special woman in our world.  She's the strength I wish I had, the courage I wish I had and the balls I wish I had.

Miss, my bestest bestest bestest friend and my Honey Cheeks.  I could spend days on this one, since she is a HUGE part of my life.  I don't go 10 minutes without wondering what she'd think about something or what she was doing or if she needed me.  She's my sister and there's no way around it.  She's helped me through some horrible times, even though she's 2000 miles away from me.  There's no competing, there's no jealousy, there's nothing but love and respect between us.  We see things differently, yet we see things the same.  My world we be a dark place without this star!

Jodene, Jodene!  What can I say about a woman I have never met who has touched my life so immensely.  Your positivity, your whole outlook on everything is contagious.  I find myself being positive and thinking "Ok Jo wouldn't bitch and moan like this, she'd find the positive aspect and think of nothing else".  You're a bad influence young lady ;).  It's strange to say I love you, but I do.  We've connected thousands of miles and countries apart.  And to think, it's all because of something so simple as blogging.

The rest of my family and friends, as much as I'd love to give everyone special attention I can't.  It's not that you aren't special or that I love you any less, it's just that these people have stood by me the most this year.  All of you are in my thoughts, and I get a big smile when I think of you.  I think of all the funny memories I have.  And I am reminded why I am so very thankful to have all of you in my life.

My not so thankfuls:

I have only one, and I know I probably shouldn't even write it as it will more than likely be exploded into some ugly troll when all it is is the truth, but it's the truth and sadly this is the only place I can say it.

So...This week I have to spend a few hours in a house with someone I don't want to.  Someone that at one point I found special and loved dearly, but who has shown me that she never felt the same about me, or anyone in our family.  It breaks my heart that all of our love, attention, support, respect and trust has been thrown away as if it meant nothing.  It breaks my heart that this person hasn't come forward to apologize and make things right.  It breaks my heart that she's pretending she's done nothing wrong.  It breaks my heart to know others are pretending the same just so she will still be in their life, because she's that important to the family.  It breaks my heart that I can't do that, that I see it as the worst insult anyone could do to those who love them, that I'd rather treat her as she treats me.  It breaks my heart that I'm going to have to be a cold person, when that is not me.  I want to be thankful for this person, as I still love her and no matter what she does it won't change that, but I don't like her and I can't stand to think of what she's done.  The fact that I even have to say this, even only in my blog because if I dare to say this out loud then I'm the bad one, it will be entirely my fault and she'll be off the hook even more so, makes this holiday less.  Less thankful.  Less of what I thought family meant and was supposed to be.  Less of what it could be.  Less of what we ALL deserve. 

Eesh

Today is our nephew's 3rd birthday party.  He's one heck of a little guy, and its not the party that's making me go eesh.

It's the fact that it's at a creek.

Where I have to wear shorts and or bathing suit which I don't own either one.

Ok so I do own a bathing suit but its WAY too small to wear in public...well anywhere really.

AND where just about everyone we know goes to so there is NO way we won't run into someone we'd rather not see. SOB.  We have our 10th high school reunion tonight, isn't that enough torture for one day?

Do you know how long its been since I've worn shorts?  Do you really? Tell me, cause I don't even remember.  I think it was back in high school but you can't take my word for it.

People I am WHITE as in glow in the dark, can be used to bring in air traffic or boats into the harbor at night, and blinding during the day.  W.H.I.T.E.  My dr. says I have porcelain skin, which he thinks is more beautiful than tanned skin.  I'd like to think he was giving me a compliment but I doubt it, haha. 

I'm 5'3.5, which automatically means short, stubby chunky legs.  Add that on to the fact that I'm a bit fluffy, plus the stretch marks from Bailey all the way down to the back of my knees, and I'm one Mama!   I'd much rather wear shorts and a tank with a bikini top underneath than a full bathing suit.  Either one though makes me want to toss my cheerios.

I'm doing this for you Hoss, you owe me young man!

All deities known to man, help me get through today with having to wear shorts and taking the chance of searing some one's retinas, and then later having to mingle with old classmates who I'm hoping have grown up since school.  If they haven't, please give me the strength to put them in their place and them a sobering moment to understand what I'm saying.

Thank you...and be with the Pygmies in New Guinea.

Gouged by runaway toenail on Mother's Day

I was sitting in the floor, putting up random cd's left out on the entertainment center.  Bo comes walking through the living room asking me about the trash he's about to take out when his razor blade sharp, toenails sliced open the back of my hand.  I have a cut an inch or two long, long enough that it takes two, TWO, band aids to cover it. 

Yeah.

I poured peroxide over it, smothered it in neosporin and covered it with the band aids.  Once Bo was done putting the trash out, he headed to the bedroom and said "I guess I should go clip my nails".

No shit!

After the whole gouging incident, Bo said he needed my approval on a Mother's Day present. He'd heard me talk of a necklace, he didn't know which one and was afraid to get the wrong one.  I've had my eye on this necklace for a couple of years now.  I have loved it since I saw it but never thought I'd ever get it due to the price.  I am frugal, thank you very much, and spending over $30 on a necklace makes my stomach turn.  Ok, to be honest if its not on sale I don't buy.  But this one is waaaay over $30.   I told him the price, figuring he'd laugh and say ok, we gotta find something else.  Nope he said buy it!  I asked him over and over if he was sure, since its a ton of money.   He assured me we had the money to buy it.

It will have Bailey and Jocelyn's names and birthdays, with a blue and pink charm.  You can find it plus other gorgeous jewelry at Isabelle Grace.  I'm still in shock I'm going to have this necklace.  Plus even more shocked we had any money in our savings to cover it after Bo's snip and ball removal.  However we managed this, right now I'm too thrilled to care. 

Thank you baby! If you weren't still tender from our last romp session, I'd jump you right now for finding a way to get me this necklace.  You are awesome! And I guess I will forgive you for almost taking my hand off with your knife-like toenails.

~~Side note, my laptop is still acting wonky, it gets taken into the IT department tomorrow and all the IT boys get to play around and fix it for me.  Hopefully I'll have it back this week and can be back to blogging!~~

What you do in the name of love

With Valentine’s Day approaching, people scurrying around like ants trying to find that special gift for their loved one, I had to talk to you about us.  You see, although we do celebrate Valentine’s Day, we don’t go crazy over it.  We show our love for each other daily, and find no reason whatsoever that Valentine’s Day shouldn’t be every day.  On Valentine’s Day we celebrate the day we got engaged, 10 years ago this year, more than the holiday itself.

Now with that said, I thought I’d share with you the things we do to show our love.  I will try not to make this all sappy and gooey with romance….

Every Wednesday morning Bo has a board meeting before work.  Neither of us are fabulous about waking up early, especially him, who thinks going to bed at midnight has nothing to do with him hitting the snooze button 10 times the next morning.  Every night, and even more so on Tuesday’s, I remind my wonderful hubby to lay his clothes out for the next day, to make sure he has what he needs and have it ready, and to remember to go to bed at a decent time.  Hello mom.  Yes, like most hubby’s he tends to let this go in one ear and out the other, and the next day is rushing around trying to look for socks, has to change the shirt he ‘thought’ was wrinkle free and damnit where is my belt.  But Wednesdays are the worst, because he has to get up earlier, he has to be ready earlier and has to leave earlier.  Normally he’s one of the last to the meeting, even with my loving guidance.  Well I came up with a plan last week when he was once again late, because he forgot it was Wednesday ~insert MAJOR eye roll here~.  On the top of the toilet, on the coffee pot and over the bar where he puts his keys, I put a love note.  It reads “Today is Wednesday!  I love you!”.  We cannot go off of today’s results, because I got up with him, eeek yes I did crazy I know.  But hey he was semi on time….

I wash his underwear, enough said.

I let him spoon me, even though the hairs on his legs tickle making me itch and his razor toe nails gouge my feet and legs.  He does apologize, but that doesn’t help the bleeding.  Ok so this one is kinda more for me because I love being held, and it bothers his shoulder (football injury) but those damn toes hurt people.

I listen to him talk about golf…..

I listen to him talk about World of Warcraft….

Now his turn:

He makes the coffee because my brain has issues remembering the combo of water vs coffee.  Even on days where he’s running late and won’t get a cup, he almost always makes it anyway.  Because he knows when I do, I make espresso.

He takes care of the litter box, because I deal with enough poop thank you.  Even though I promised that if he got me a cat I’d do it and he wouldn’t have to worry about it….shhh don’t remind him.

He puts the seat down, YES HE DOES!!! No I didn’t do this, he was trained before I got him. Thank you again Mom.

Then there is the crazy stuff he puts up with.  Having to check the house after we return, checking the doors before bed time, reminding me to take my pills and telling me that I did give the kids the right amount of meds.  He even stays home when we have a technician coming because I can’t handle being alone with a stranger.  He doesn’t complain when the house is messy and there are no dishes.  He doesn’t complain when he can’t find underwear or socks that match.  He nicely asks if I could do these things and leaves it at that. 

He listens to me talk about my books….both real published work and my stories.  And encourages me to follow my dream, telling me that it can’t hurt to see what would happen.

He listens to my day, even though all it concerns is poopy diapers, tantrums and time outs.  He even acts like he’s interested and finds it informative.

There are many ways to show your love.  It doesn’t mean roses, or chocolates or anything like that.  The little things we do to help each other throughout the day, the little things that we do to show we care, they happen daily or should. 

We say I love you 100 or more times a day.  We kiss and hug before leaving.  He comes up with cute little ways of saying how much he lives me like “If you took all the M&M’s ever made and ever will be made and added them up, it wouldn’t come close to how much I love you”.  We cuddle and talk about our day almost every night before falling asleep.  We do nothing without the others consent, if it involves one it involves both because we are a team. I tell him how hot and awesome he is everyday.  He tells me how beautiful he thinks I am and how great a job I do everyday.  A day does not go by that we don’t share how we feel. 

So try not to put so much into one day a year, and more into each day you have together. 

 

There was a knocking at my door.

I wonder who could it be?

Why it’s two boxes?!?!?

Hmmm

I wrack my brain trying to figure out oh what could it be?

OOOOH I know what it is!!!  This is when I noticed the weird orange glow of my photos, sorry so I moved to the living room.

  

Are you excited?  Can you tell yet??

Notice how I unceremoniously dumped the contents out on the couch, threw the boxes on top, and lovingly placed the boxes next to the heap.

And then my camera died, otherwise you would have seen me lick my new video camera.

What does all this mean you may be wondering?  Well its not to brag, by any means.  The video camera we had before, is bulky, won’t record unless it is plugged into the wall and is about 10 years old.  You have NO idea how in awe I am of this new lightweight companion of mine, but I digress.  The point is, I will be doing some vlogging now!  This means you will have to put up with me even more, cause now you get to hear my strange voice, my southern American drawl, and see just how twitchy and nerdy I really am.  Aren’t you excited????