He's like my teddy bear and stuff

Today is day one of Bo's vacation.

We have so much jam packed into these 5 days it's not much of a rest but what can you do?

I woke up today thinking I was nuts for setting my eye appointment for 9am, who does that?  Certainly not me, who is NOT a morning person.

Oh yeah wait I did.  Cause I hate myself apparently.

I wanted to cuddle with him.  To kiss him.  To get all smoochy smoochy, steamy with morning breath under the covers.

Not sure if you are aware of this, but that shit, right there, is love.  Kissing someone who's breath smells like a cat done crawled inside their mouth and died, and knowing yours is just as bad if not worse.  That's a toxic combo my friends.  If you are willing to test fate by kissing with these two bombs, that's love.  Love in all it's messy glory.

I wanted to get all down and dirty.  Not like we could but I wanted to fake it for a while.  Get that heat a pumping through me so that while I waited for my name to be called I had something to think about.  His hands.  Those lips....those hands....that...yeah you get the point.

Except that was not in the cards and I will not lie, I wasn't happy.  At first.  The munchkins came to my attention, sounding as if they were tearing down the kitchen cabinets.  I came jiggling into the kitchen ready to snarl and bite and chew them a new one when Bailey says 'We wanted juice but there were no cold ones.  So I put some in the fridge.  See?'  all proud as if he'd just climbed Mt. Everest.  He's sickly with a fever that is playing peekaboo right now.  And he's all smiles because look Mama, I put juice in the fridge!

I wish I didn't have appointments today, I wish I could just stay home and chill with these weirdly wonderful people that is my family.  All mine.  I wanna get in a big dog pile and just breath them in.


Have I mentioned having Bo home is like crack for me?  I swear my moods go from one end of the spectrum to the other with him in the room.  I'm all crazy wired, energetic, and upbeat today.  While yesterday I had been all down and dumpy...

Stomping some toes

Before I jump on my soapbox, just remember I don't expect you to instantly convert to my opinion.  It is mine, and mine alone, and if you agree great, if not great I will still love ya.  This is not intended to hurt anyone's feelings or piss anyone off, just me stating my feelings over something that kinda bugs me.  Now on to the show...

A local news station posted an article on facebook this morning, the title says 'Interracial Marriages hits new high in US'...Ummm wait a sec, wasn't the US created by immigrants and welcomes them still?  That kinda means there's a few interracial marriages going on here.  HELLLOOOOO.

But wait, I'm confused.  Is anyone 'pure blood' anymore?  Especially here in the US?  I mean I'm Cherokee and Choctaw Indian (or Native American or American Indian for those PC peeps, I will forever be an Indian, sorry), I'm also Irish and possibly Scottish and German.  Bo is Cherokee Indian as well and other roots we have yet to pin down...technically that makes us an interracial couple, am I wrong?  But no one has ever gotten up in our face about it, nor have we ever heard anyone whisper 'oh those two, it's interracial you know, that's just wrong'.  How come folks like us slide under the radar, when we are no different than any other 'interracial' couple out there?  Oh I know why... ~insert MASSIVE eye roll here~

Anyone else get diarrhea over hypocrisy?

I could go on and on and ON about this topic, but I won't.  I'm not doing this to stir some chaos, I'm doing this because I truly do not get it.  No one is 'pure blood' around here anymore, hell even the Royal family isn't 100% Brittish.  Queen Elizabeth II is Armenian, Arab, British, Chinese, Cuman, French, German, Greek, Hungarian, Italian, Monegasque, Norwegian, Old Prussian, Portuguese, Romanian, Russian, Serbian, Spanis, Swedish, and Yugoslavian...didn't know that did ya (wiki it, you'll see)??  And aren't the Royal family known for their pure blue, royal blood line....hmmmm.

I wouldn't be here if there wasn't some interracial nooky going on, neither would my parents or theirs, or Bo and his and so on and so forth.  So I don't see what the big deal is.  Let it go.  We don't need a stupid survey to state the absolute obvious that has been going on since the beginning of time.  It kinda happens when one country invades and takes over another.  Duh.  It kinda happens when people immigrate to one country.  Duh.

Not to mention, in my opinion, if you bitch about it, you are kind a bitching about your own existence, unless you are a rare person with 100% heritage.

Stepping down now.

Shopping should always be this funny

Shopping at any store is always a bit um nerve wracking and annoying and can sometimes be down right frustrating when people are rude assholes.  But my favorite is when you walk across little gems that just make you giggle or snort in my case today, it makes the whole teeth pulling nightmare so much easier.

First spotted was a teenage boy in the weirdest outfit I have ever seen.  Ok so maybe not, but this is high on my WTF ARE YOU THINKING YOUR FRICKIN MORON list.  I was walking down an isle when I see Wrangler jeans (Bo says he also had boots on).  Hello cowboy, Mama likes cowboys.  We will ignore that he does not have the right kind of ass to pull of these jeans.  You have to have a small butt or no butt, and this kid had a butt so it was like mashed and stretched out like some football shaped pancake.  No I did not laugh at that, not everyone has a Wrangler butt.  I did however laugh and almost swallowed my tongue when I looked up to see his hair.  Now I do not know the kid Justin Beiber or Boober as I liked to call him, I've seen him in photos and watched his whiney butt in an interview I could only hear 3 seconds of before I shut him the frick up.  But that hair that weird long brushed forward to hide a non existent bald spot hair cut, eeek that image is forever burned in my head.  This kid was trying to be a cowboy and SO not pulling it off and then he was wearing that fugtastic hair do!?! Does he not know what a cowboy is?  Does he not realize that there is specific fashion criteria to be a cowboy and anything outside of that is considered redonkulous?  I'm guessing not because any cowboy I know would have smacked him and forward combed hair of his until he got things straight.  I am fairly certain I will have nightmares of this sight for days.

Second, and my favorite of all time was the cashier.  I did not get his name and I could kick myself because he is so going to be the only one I want at check out ever again.  Anyway I'm loading my stuff on the conveyor belt thingy when I hear him singing something.  I heard it twice and I was like nooo he can't be singing that, seriously it can't be true.  But then I get over closer to him and I hear him sing it again...and I couldn't resist but lean over and say softly "Are you singing 'Show Them To Me'?".  His face got bright red and it looked as if I just caught him checking out porn, he was that embarrassed.  He admitted that he had been but didn't realize he was singing it loud enough I could hear him and apologized profusely.  I reassured him that I am a Rodney Carrington fan and I am not offended or bothered whatsoever.  Bo returned with Jocelyn (she had free cookie gunk on her fingers that he had to wash off) and I told him the story grinning like the Mad Hatter.  He of course started laughing and for the rest of shopping process we all talked about our love for that funny man.  As we left the store, we both agreed that we don't want any one else's line ever again.  Anyone who sings or quotes Rodney Carrington is our friend.

NSFW sorry mwuahahaha

Can't resist this

If you knew someone who just said they were pregnant, they've got this big 'ol belly and everything.  But you just happen to see them sit down, and see that the round belly suddenly collapses and almost bends in half, what would you think?  Fake belly or some crazy flexible baby?

I just saw the video below of Beyonce and it's weird.  Go to the 58 second mark or so and you see her sit down.  Her round stomach folds and collapses then pops right back to a round belly once she sits and leans back.  I'm confused because my stomach never did anything that strange and I've never witnessed a pregnant belly that size do anything like that before.  I have rolls, always have, and they didn't go from perfectly round belly to roll to perfectly round again as I was sitting down. They were obvious rolls until they finally got smoothed out once my uterus reached the size of Pluto.



I've seen on a few websites that there's this pesky rumor it's a fake stomach, because she got really big really fast and that either she's pregnant and wants to appear bigger or she's using a surrogate and faking being pregnant.  I'm not a fan, I'm not a hater either, so I can't say I've seen a lot of pics of Ms. Beyonce building up to the belly she now has.  But this video makes me wonder if these weird rumors are true.  And if they are, why?  Why fake the belly Beyonce?  If they aren't, woman you gotta explain how your stomach did that cause I'm worried about your unborn child.

Monday be kind

Dear Monday,

I've struggled with no sleep for the last year and I'm to the point that if I'm dressed the world should be proud of me.  I can't keep up with my routine, or taking care of myself, or being a better person.  Because blinking takes a toll on me. 

So please help me today.  Please help me get up and do what I need to do before things start falling off surfaces, the toilets grime starts talking to me and the dirty clothes come alive and start chasing me.

Oh and if you could talk to your siblings, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday and your parents Saturday and Sunday and ask them to be kind as well.  I'd really appreciate it. 

Oh the joy of married sex

                                   !!!!!!Family warning, do not read further.  No seriously STOP! I will not be held responsible for your therapy bill!!!!

There's a muscle in my shoulder that is tight, painful and raised.  And that is not the only injury I've sustained thanks to a session with a 'sex deprived' husband.

Since I stopped taking my happy pills, I've noticed a dramatic um lack of that loving feeling.  And it doesn't help that I have a husband that has turned into a sleep sex addict thanks to having been snipped.  These two things combined and it's a tad difficult to get in the moooood.

So yesterday I was feeling all frisky, even shaved the legs winky winky, and decided to jump Bo....Bo stop reading for a sec k honey pie...the need for sleep was getting pathetic so what's a girl to do....ok it's all good you can look now, I love you shnooky wookums.

The thing with not giving it to your significant other is that things get a bit more amorous than neccessary..... or asked for.  And now I'm walking funny and with a very sore shoulder.  I can't lift my left arm very high folks without squealing like a little girl.

Don't ask me how that happened...I think it was gripping the headboard so I'd stay put or it could have been when he flipped me sideways and made me do a Triangle Pose of sorts...I'm not certain.

Do you ever?

Sit and listen to the rain with your eyes closed, soaking in all the sounds and smells...

Watch the clouds roll by, watch as their forms change and evolve as they dance slowly across the sky...

Gaze at the stars and think of all the people that have ever looked at those constellations and wonder did they think of you too...

Look at a flower from an ant's perspective to understand the magnitude of it's petals...

Sat still in a quiet room and appreciated the beauty of just being you...

Ignore the word time and just be in this world and in this life and enjoy it fully...

Don't duct tape Mama!

I may be new to the Royal Family and still learning who's who and all, but I HAVE to address something that has come up.

Our Royal Cop got shut down over an innocent post.  The website/host even put her URL up for grabs!  All because she posted a simple post about a yearly gathering that had gone awry because of all the drinking that always happens.  She mentioned one year how she had to fight through a dangerous crowd to get to someone who was stabbed and then mentioned her arresting the guy who did it.  All in a normal days work for this chick and no different than any other post she has done.

Why did she get shut down?

We're not 100% sure, but we're guessing because this yearly gathering is of Native Americans and she didn't keep that out of the post. 

Now whether you believe it or not, I'm part Cherokee and Choctaw Indian.  Everyone I know says Indian, we don't ask you to be all PC and say American Indian or Native American, in fact you'd get laughed at and made fun of for being a tard if you called us that.  For me there was nothing offensive about this post, and I'm pretty sure those I know would say the exact same thing.  We're a tough lot after all.

Yeah I say us/we, I may not look it or have a card saying I am, but I am Indian thank you very much....and Irish and Scottish and possibly maybe German but I digress.

The fact that she didn't once make fun of Indians or their culture or ANYTHING in her post, all she did was state the facts of what happened, yet she was censored and shut down, has us all in an uproar.

WTF kind of messed up brain fart is this!?

I'm kinda thinking that it has to do with their filters, that she used enough phrases or certain words to set off an alarm and the site just followed protocol without checking it.  But whether they have 5 or 5 million blogs, a person should check the post/blog in question to make sure it wasn't a mistake.  If someone did check it and still shut her down, they deserve the tard award of the decade.

I've read blogs that are dripping with racial slurs and comments that had me annoyed and yet they are still up and running and were never told to take down their posts.  Well as far as I know, I stopped reading their trash.  I don't know about you, but that leaves me scratching my head that she was targeted because of an innocent post while others who are guilty of racism, gets away with it.
We're hoping to get the word around so this doesn't happen to anyone else for one thing and because we want THIS host to pay attention, do it's job and target those in need of censorship.

Your daily creepy

I have no words on how weirdly creepy this video is.  I really don't like knowing that posting this helps this chick's status.  But I can't not share, it's like a trainwreck.  A crazy chick, obsessed with her body parts trainwreck.

Eeesh.

You can thank me later

Yesterday Bo forgot to take his inhaler with him, and so by last night he was coughing and wheezing and is still feeling pretty crappy.  We decided to postpone the painting since he's still having breathing issues. 

We'd rather not make it worse since he is obviously still sick.

We decided to let my parents take the munchkins anyway and have a date.  Something we haven't done in a while.  Movie and dinner, just the two of us. 

If you are thinking of watching Due Date, don't.  I admit it has a few funny parts, but it's not enough to make up for the fact that the movie sucks.

It's like someone said "Ok we're going to make a movie.  I want everyone to write down the stupidest, wildest, craziest, scariest, dangerous thing you can think of that might possibly happen on let me think ~snaps fingers~oooh on a road trip with a stranger.  We'll put the ideas in a hat and draw a few."  Then everyone wrote something down, placed it in a hat and then the person said "You know what, fuck it, lets take all your ideas and put it in one movie.  Why not?  Who cares if it makes any sense?  We'll still make money on the dumb asses that goes to see the movie before word gets out that it's bad"...maniacal laughter.

If you've seen it and liked it, good for you.  I however think it sucked ass.

My favorite part was where the guy was jerking off while the other one was asleep and then when he gets caught he tells him to just close his eyes it will be over soon, or something to that affect.  When asked how long he shrugs and says about 30 minutes, as if it takes no time at all.   Then it pans to the dog, who's going at it like a teenage boy who just discovered Playboy.  Although the people laughing in the audience was way funnier.  They laughed as if it were the funniest thing they'd ever seen.  I think that was one of the few scenes where everyone laughed...and by everyone I mean the 10 of us. 

So if you're curious check it out, but I'm telling you, you're wasting your money.  I can tell you the best parts and then you'll save yourself money and time that you'll never get back.  Although Robert Downy Jr. is kinda hot in it and Jamie Fox makes a small appearance.

The gathering

At the beginning of August (for the moment, this gets changed an awfully lot) is our 10th year high school reunion.

On one hand its woohoo we get to see everyone again.

On the other its shhhhiiiiittttttt we have to put up them again.

Don't get me wrong there were a few in our class that wasn't a preppy, stuck up asshole, but most of those we see now anyway. 

I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels the same about their old school mates.

But the strangest part about the whole reuinion is its planning.  Now I'm not a planner, and I don't pretend to be.  But I do know that this is a class reunion, CLASS REUNION not children gathering.  There is to be a BBQ for us and our children, to last like 4 hours.  Then that night we'll have an hour long dinner....

Am I missing something?  Did my children go to school with me?  Not only that but I'd rather I don't know talk to people than chase after my kids all day.  You can't really have conversations with kids around, especially small ones like ours.  I love my babies, and I'm proud to be their Mama, but I'm sorry there are certain situations where children should be left at home.

Considering most of the class seems to be strung out on drugs or are alcoholics now.  Thats not exactly something I want to show my kids. Sorry.

Why not have a short meeting where we can bring the kids, and a long one to actually talk to one another in a calm environment?

Almost every person I've spoken to that are going has said the same thing.  How this is still the plan we don't know.  Bo and I aren't bringing the kids, and so are some of the others.  I'm sure we'll get some strange stares and talk because we didn't.  Wow Bo and Nikki must have mean children or something.  Nope, just don't want them introduced to certain people and its a class reunion after all.

Two people won't be there though.  Tim and Toney.  Tim died six years ago in a car crash.  He was thrown through the windshield and was in a coma for weeks.  I had a chance to go see him but I couldn't.  I wanted to remember the boy I played Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles with.  The one I used to disect worms with.  He was so serious as we grew up, and I remember being in high school and seeing how cute he'd become but by then we'd grown apart and barely spoke.  But when we did, it was always fun and I'd wish for those days when we played together.  I have a picture of us, that his mom took one day while I was over to play.  I still get tears when I see it.  And Toney, I've spoke about him here, here, and here.  Toney was killed along with his son in a car accident last October.  He was a good friend, and an amazing, hard headed at times, person.  He loved his son, and was beyond proud of him.  His whole face would change when he spoke of Elijah.  And Elijah was so much like his dad it was scary.   Without Tim and Toney, these reunions will be very lonely.

So what do you guys think?  Should our kids be the biggest attraction at our class reunion?  Explain this to me, cause I don't get it.

Behind

I am so behind its insane.

I somehow lost the post it (on my desktop no less) of those who gave me awards so that I wouldn't forget who and what the award was.  So to those who gave them to me, please remind me cause I'm a tard and didn't do this sooner.

I had three different posts that I was planning on doing (one was the awards, ugh) and never got around to them. Plus I have four on my other blog The Naked Past that are just sitting there waiting to be finished. Researching them isn't as easy as it used to be with Ms. Gottahaveattention24/7.

And speaking of blogs, I haven't commented on anyone's blog in way too long and I am so so sorry for that.

Bailey's birthday party is on Saturday and the house is not where I wanted it to be.  Why? Because Bo and I are masters at procrastinating.  Plus we had a busy weekend that didn't make it easy to remember what we had to do.  Who wants to clean my house??? I'll bake cookies.

Then there is the fact that I haven't done pilates or any workout actually in over a week.  Haven't even followed Weight Watchers in over a month and that is soooo showing on the scale.  We have our 10 year high school reunion in July, then our 10th wedding anniversary trip in August and I had wanted to be at my goal weight by then...so not happening unless I live on lettuce leaves and diet coke like the super models do.

My goal this week is to get my crap together I will try to be positive and have faith that I will get this done Jodene and if I don't you have my permission to knock some sense into me, LOL.

Ramblings of a grouchy ass

Yesterday I was able to take Bailey outside to play while Jocelyn slept. You have no idea how amazing that is considering I can barely pee because of this girl lately. Then it’s been raining and our backyard resembled a muddy rainforest up until Tuesday. Anyway, I’m sitting in the teeny shade our little tree gives in the backyard reading while Bailey played. Yeah I did, I have had little sleep so believe me when I say people should be thankful I’m dressed and awake at all. I dropped my cell phone and the baby monitor I don’t know how many times while sitting still, and at one point when I picked one of them up (I'm semi positive it was the cell but once I think about it I’m not really sure, see how tired I am) I saw a four leaf clover underneath.

Do you have any idea how many hours I sat on the ground as a child searching for one of those puppies? My older sister could find one in seconds, and she always found at least one. In all my 28 years I have never ever found one. And I find one by dropping something since I am a klutz. HAHA.

I was so happy, it can only be because of lack of sleep, that finding a four leaf clover made me smile like I’d discovered Jesse James’ hidden money. Or Paul Walker in my bathtub….hmmmmm.

But today, after getting a handful of sleep off and on again, my “visitor” is here for her monthly torture, dealing with an extremely cranky toddler, an energetic 4 year old who wants to play so badly he can’t shut up, and then the best part, a cat who has decided to pee on anything she can find…I just wanna torch that fucking clover cause it aint working!

-Side note, I haven’t forgotten the awards that some of you have given me. I just haven’t posted them because well LOL did you read this post? Nikki has been taken over by Cranky Ass for the time being, and a post about anything happy or cute written by this new persona isn’t such a good idea.

A bug in my pants and pizza in my daughter's lap

Today has been one of THOSE days.  You know the ones where the weirdest things keep happening.  Its not a bad day, its just totally crazy.

Bailey has soccer on Saturdays, and today it was HOT HOT HOT.  It was 80 degrees at 10:00am with 70% humidity.  HOT.  Everyone was sweating and gathered under the little shade that was there.  The poor munchkins were red cheeked and drippy haired 10 minutes in.

Anyway, I kept feeling this weird crawling sensation on my leg.  I shrugged it off as sweat, since I was constantly wiping it out of my face.  We came home after the game, changed the kids clothes, and headed out to a fantabulous pizza place about 40 minutes from here.  We were 10 minutes away when I felt something.

It was a soft scratching feeling on my thigh and when I reached down to scratch it, I could feel a lump under my jeans.  Did you read the title of this post?? A BUG WAS IN MY PANTS!! What kind, well your guess is as good as mine because by the time I managed to work it up so I could reach down my jeans and find out what it was (which I'm sure the cars whizzing by us were loving that sight) that bug was about a 100 pieces.  It was brown....and a bug and that's really all we could tell. 

Now imagine, your driving down a interstate when the woman in the truck beside you starts having a fit of some kind.  She's waving her hands and jumping in her seat, and what looks like jerking something in her lap....yeah I did that.

Bo and Bailey were laughing at me, while I wiggled and twitched trying to get anything left of the bug out of my jeans.  My skin is still crawling from this.  How that damn thing got in my jeans I don't know.  I only felt it on my thigh, so it didn't crawl up my jeans.  Plus I had just grabbed them out of the dryer.

Now on to the pizza.  We get to the lovely pizza heaven, get comfy at our table and wait for our drinks.  The waitress brings Bailey a glass of milk.  A very dirty glass of milk.  Not only was it dirty on the outside but it was dirty on the inside as well!  Oh yeah.  It took a while before she got back to us, it was crowded today, and we told her about the dirty glass and we'd just take Sprite instead since there was no more milk.  She comes back, puts the drinks down on the table and takes off.  Since we were trying to keep Jocelyn entertained we didn't notice his glass right away, and when we did we were speachless.

This girl poured the milk out of a dirty glass into a clean glass and there was stuff FLOATING in it!!!  It took a good 10 minutes to get her back to our table to tell her again what was wrong and what we wanted.  She was apologetic but seriously, what kind of retard does that?  We were there 20 minutes before he got something he could actually drink!  It's a good thing our drinks were fine.

Eventually we got our pizza, I'm kinda thinking this waitress had something to do with the slow service.  At least I'd like to think so since she sucked ass.  She forgot the little gizmo to stack the pizza's on our table, and proceeds to set a pan of hot pepperoni pizza inches from Jocelyn.  If I hadn't reached out and blocked her she would have dove into it.  I am not joking you it was maybe 4 inches from the side of the table right in front of my baby, if we hadn't been watching she would have pulled that right into her lap.  And what does the girl do? She says "Ooooh" softly, as if she just saw something cute and proceeded to place the other pizza down.   The waitress didn't even move the other pizza, we had to.  Bo asks her for the gizmo stacker and its like oh duh I'll go get that. 

We're not the complaining type, we understand everyone has bad days especially restaurants.  But I swear if we hadn't drove so far, and their food wasn't so amazing, we would have left.  As it was, we were so ready to get out of there that we forgot to get the manager to tell him/her what happened.

But the weird crap doesn't stop there.  Oh no my friends.

This week its like a switch has been thrown in Jocelyn's head.  The switch labeled "Chaos", because she is into everything, doing things she knows she can't do since she grins and giggles as she does it, and she screams and yells all of a sudden when we tell her no.  This kid had to be held down in her high chair! If she wasn't trying to stand, she was trying to turn around completely, or get both legs inside the high chair.  Have you ever tried cutting a pizza with a fork with one hand while holding down a toddler?  I can tell you it aint easy or fun.  I had the general supreme pizza, which is so much better than any other supreme type pizza out there I have to say.  She had mushrooms and peppers and olives, three meats and all sorts of goodness.  Except the second bite of olives, and any of the meat she spit out. All she'd eat were mushrooms and the pizza crust, yet she'd eat the pepperoni from Bo's pizza and not mine.  Go figure.

She took her shoe off within the first few minutes we were there.  And tried to get the other one off but failed. 

She dropped the crayons I don't know how many times, but tried to eat them more than anything.

She pulled and yanked and twisted the paper to color on in front of her every chance she got.  Bo and I both had a hand on it to keep it down almost the entire time.

Anytime anything got near her she lunged for it like a snake striking....and took bites the same way.  I'm surprised we have fingers left.

My daughter is a freaking hellion!  I am now that mother, with that child, who can't sit still, who can't be quiet, who is constantly hearing "No," "Shhh", "Stop that", "Sit down", etc.  I looked at Bo near the end of lunch, and said something like "Holy crap she's insane lately," and Bailey replied with "See Mama, I told you I didn't want you to have a baby."

We were at the restaurant for over an hour, the majority of that was waiting.   We got out of there as soon we were able to and headed home....ok we did stop to get frozen custard and yes I fed my out of control child a sugary treat.  I wanted one damnit, and since I'm a sharing Mama I gave her a few bites.  I wasn't about to let her behavior deny me that erotic to the tastebuds treat. 

It's also grocery shopping day...I'm afraid to leave my house again.

Things that make you go hmmm

I don't typically follow pageants of any kind, its not my kinda thing honestly.  But I happened to read the article about the new Ms USA or whatever she is, LOL, and how there are pictures of her with a stripper pole.

Hmm.

How many girls out there DON'T do something thats racy?

How many girls NEVER have photos taken of her doing something naughty?

How many girls are ALWAYS so innocent that nothing can tarnish their reputation?

How many girls are virginal in every way FOREVER?

The likely hood of anyone not doing something racy or controversial or naughty, is pretty slim.  People are people.  We do stupid things when we're drunk or just to have fun.  It's normal, it's natural.  I think those who are constantly trying to find the bad in these girls should look closer at themselves. 

When I was a teenager, the wildest thing I did was go bowling and to Pizza Hut afterwards.  I was a good kid.  But if you looked at the fact that I was with a group of 7 people, me being the only girl, people would judge me differently.  It wouldn't matter if I dated none of them or all of them.  If there is a picture of me with all of them, people would come to the wrong conclusion.  For what its worth, I dated two of them, and married one.  Nothing all that heated happened with the other one, and he's still a good friend of ours.

I will say that if I had had the body to wear bikini's and make boys sweat, I would have done some table dancing and short short photos myself.  Ooooh did I just drop my keys? Let me bend over in my short little skirt...oops did I show my ass.  Silly me..

People just aren't that innocent anymore.  Why is that so shocking?  It makes her more human to find out that she danced with a pole.  Everyone does stupid things, but it does not define us or make our accomplishments less or tainted.  IT MAKES US HUMAN.  She doesn't need to loose her crown for something so trivial she did years ago, that wasn't illegal nor a danger to herself or others, I might add.

How can Miley or Britney get away with all the racy disgusting things they do/have done, and yet they are considered as role models for young girls????

Hmmm

Randomness of Nikki

To give you a slight peak into my lovely warped brain, I wanted to share the weird things thats running around up there these last few days.  Plus I couldn't be the only one thinking of this stuff, I need company.  Be warned, there are a few very XXX rated subjects that you may find embarrassing.

My husband went to the doctor yesterday to see if the vasectomy worked.  I, ahem, well thats just sooo weird if you ask me.  And they don't give the cup there, oh no they sent one home with him to take his sample in!  All day yesterday I kept thinking things like, do we put this stuff on ice?  How early before his appointment should he um...yeah??  And wow, whose job is it to handle that stuff?  If it were me I'd be laughing my butt off while cringing ever so slightly at the thought of what's in that little clear cup, and that I have to run tests on it.  See now its in your head too, haha.  Ok sorry but I can't be the only one morbidly wondering about this.  (In case your concerned, they found 1 swimmer and he has to go back in a few weeks to make another deposit, haha, before he gets clearance)

I was reading up on my celebrity gossip and ran across a clense that Debra Messing says she did and swears by it.  I looked it up, and basically you eat air.  You can't have dairy, sugar, pasta/starches, wheat, processed anything, everything must be organic or right from the source, any fruits and vegetables cannot have any kind of chemical on them, oh  and no red meat.  Yeah...even in my parents garden I'm pretty sure they put something on it to kill the bugs or to help the stuff stay healthy.  It's as organic as it comes, and yet according to this clense, its not clean enough.  Whats left?  All veggies and fruits are pretty much out since everyone uses something on them.  So your left with water, chicken, pork and seafood.  I'd much rather eat smaller portions, drink tons of water than live on chicken in a water sauce.  Not to mention that a "body clense" sounds like this side of hades...They have these pills in the store that can do that and you don't have to cut back on eating, hahaha.

And speaking of weight loss, I'm oh so peeved that I have lost only 10 pounds on Weight Watchers.  The system works, and you don't have to give up the foods you love!  But I forget to take care of myself, and that showes every week when I step on that stupid scale.  But the weirdest part of this whole 10lbs weight loss, is that I am three and a half sizes apparently.  In most brands of jeans I'm a very very loose 14, in some I'm a can't breath 12, and in others I'm a loose 12....What the crap kind of measurements is that?  Shouldn't I be the same or at least relatively close to the same size.  I can understand one size being way baggy and another being squeeze and tug to get them on tight, because thats how it has been for me for a long time.  But this?  Well this just boggles me and I cannot help but wonder who is having a laugh at me, because thats the only explanation I can come up with.

This morning it was raining like crazy, for a good 2 hours it was non stop pouring! I had an eye appointment after the worst was over thankfully, and while chatting with the employees and dr, I learned that it was basically a river down our main street. At one point, there were garbag bags floating down the road! I feel terrible for those that have been affected by floods, I know its scary and deadly. But I couldn't help but picture someone floating down Mt. Olive in a raft, humming a tune and waving to people. I'm surprised no one did since everyone I ran into today said the very same thing, haha.

Going back toward the first mentioned subject pondering (LOL thought I'd give you a short break), I have noticed a slight odd pattern in the books I read.  I promise not to use the exact words, although I'm not afraid of them, but because some little eyes may run across this, and well I'd feel bad, plus my cousins know where I live.  I've noticed that more attention has been given to the penis than the vagina in books. How so you may be wondering? Well there are a bijillion, one word names for a penis that is used, while the vagina is vaguely named with multiple adjectives (ie, her center, her core, the valley) that are supposed to be pretty or romantic but really aren't. I find this very odd, since well obviously I can say what these body parts are and find nothing dirty or wrong with them whatsoever...unless its in a dirty joke and then I'll laugh with ya. But if they are going to go so far as use the very vulger words and words only to be said in the bedroom (if then) for that particular appendage, why can't they use better names for the vagina? Does that mean the book should be in the erotic section if the author does use these terms? It's like a vice versa from movies, you see the whole show pretty much of a woman yet all you see of the man is his back and butt.  If your going to show one, show the other, its the same thing anyway, a naked human, oooh scary.  The same goes for writing, why can't you say and describe them both the same way? I was telling this to Bo the other night and well the lovely man that is my husband said to me "Would you like to see my semi aquatic mammal"...~insert eye roll~ And that pretty much describs just how a woman is described in many books.  How is it fair to be vulgar in descriptions of one body and be evasive and almost childish of another???


So there you go, many odd things thats floating around my noggin.  Anyone have some random weird thoughts today too?

My body never ceases to amaze me

I woke up coughing this morning, after sleeping off and on due to more coughing and weird nightmares.  Yay what a fabulous night.  It was 7:30 and I was determined I was sleeping in, I’m sick after all I should get to sleep in.  But I couldn’t for some weird ass reason I was awake at 7:30 a.m.  If you’ve ever read my blog your jaw should be on the floor and eyes popping out of your head, I do not wake up easily, especially not before I’ve had my coffee.

I get up, make coffee for us, coffee for Bailey, aka chocolate milk, even make some for Jocelyn even though she was still asleep, before sitting down to enjoy my book.

People I have energy, like ENERGY with emphasis on the GEEEEEEE.  I still don’t feel sick in the sense that nothing in particular is bad enough to cause a fever, but I feel sick.  That icky feeling through your whole body, that dizzy sluggish feeling in your head, the puffy burning eyes with each blink.  I still have a very low fever but that’s IT, nothing else to indicate that my body is trying to fight something bad and foreign.  My sinus’ are acting up, however its not so bad that snot is pouring out of my nose, its just drainage, scratchy dry throat, and very mild congestion. 

The only reason I can see that I have energeee is that I took my pill last night.  Oh and by the way, remember yesterday I said that the pills cost $150 or something?  NOT ANYMORE, oh no, after signing up for a prescription plan at our pharmacy, plus using our insurance it came to a total of $224!  Yeah uh huh, screw you OCD and depression that is so not fair to also be so damn expensive.  Anyway, I took this million dollar pill last night, and now I have energy bubbling under the surface, while feeling sick and feverish. 

I am even more convinced that God has a sick since of humor, hehe. 

I’ve already made a mental list, again jaw on the floor because normally I cannot determine where to start, of what I need to do today.  It wasn’t hard, it was so freaking easy that after I did, which I didn’t realize I was even doing it in the first place, I was like hmm maybe I am really sick.  I want to go outside and do something because its already a gorgeous day.  I do not under any circumstances want to stay in this house feeling this poopy.  Again, jaw on floor, maybe even falling over into a shock induced coma.

The pills cannot have taken effect already, if anything right now I should be extremely dizzy with a freaky, drunkish headache, wanting nothing better than to sleep in bed for the next 3 months.  But I’m not, I feel bad, but I want to go outside.  I want to clean my house, and even know where to start.  I want to go do some shopping since we forgot as usual some obvious items last trip.  THIS is what Welbutrin did last time I was on it, when it was working.  The logistics of the pill working 16 hours after being ingested, it doesn’t add up but somehow its doing it.  Maybe my brain is going “Ok feet, you’re going to have to do this in a week, so lets get a start on it now and it won’t be so hard to adjust to later”.  Which is perfectly fine with me, I like energy and wanting to actually do things but wow, this is fast.

To give you a slight peek into my head on stuff to do, only because it gives me a chuckle since I AM NEVER like this the best ones are:

1) I have an idea for the backyard, around the fence we’re going to dig down a few inches, put some chicken wire up against the boards of the fence, fill in with dirt and top with maybe sand.  Hopefully this will keep one Polar Bear from digging to China or escaping from the backyard. 

2) I have an idea for my flower beds…um I have no green thumb, I grow weeds, yet somehow I’ve come up with something I find cool.  This is a triple decker uh oh.

3) I want to go to the office, sit down with my notebook and map out how I can turn it into our office.  I have never used this room, other than playing Rockband from time to time.  I need a work space other than the couch or the dining room table.  I need ONE place to store my business stuff, my writing stuff, and my recipe stuff.  We keep saying we’ll do this but have yet to do it. 

Do we all agree something is WAY off with me today??

Pee styles of the not so rich and famous