Showing posts with label weight-loss. Show all posts
Showing posts with label weight-loss. Show all posts

Thursday, September 22, 2011

It's just around the corner

So yesterday my spiffy new jogging stroller arrived.  I would love to say that I'm dreading this new path on my journey or that I'm finding ways to avoid it and ignore the fact that I just spent $100 for a new stroller.  Except none of that is true.

You see, somehow, somewhere I suddenly got on board.  It scars me a little to be honest, because normally working out is the last thing on my mind, if I even think about it.  And now I've got this stroller and I find myself wondering if the weather is going to be good on my next walk and please oh please don't let anything come up. WHAT THE FIG NEWTONS!  Want to know how many times we've walked?  Once.  Just once, and it's been hit and miss for everyone since.  I'm frustrated and disappointed and ready to frickin get this ball rolling.  I know it will, and I know then I'll be complaining about exhaustion and sore thighs, but one day I'll be loving what I see in the mirror and that's all that I care about right now.

Things are slowly stacking up for me in other areas too and it's like I'm at the top of the hill and teetering on the edge.  I can see the bottom, I can see all the bumps and valleys and trees in my way but the bottom is calling my name.  Screaming it actually.  I'm on the verge of taking that step, I can feel it, I can taste it, but I'm holding tight and waiting for my moment.  I'm all jittery excited and I'm not entirely sure why yet.  Other than I'm getting better at not beating myself up about things and being happy with whatever I do accomplish each day.  Maybe that is all it is.  I do know that although my motivation is like negative 150, I'm antsy and excited to get started anyway.

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Wednesday, July 20, 2011

I broke down...and now I'm paying for it

I kept it mum, but a few weeks ago I bought a new pair of jeans.  I had to.  And it hurt like hell to search for THIS size when I'd rather be THAT size right there...you know that one that has a much smaller number?  But my old jeans are really becoming an eye sore.

So I spent WAY too much on a pair of Levi's.  This brand of jean does wonders for my ass and I've always loved them.  I found a pair that wasn't butt crack low, in fact they were high as in old school above the belly button.  I do like my lower rise jeans, however the belly flab doesn't look so fab.  I put them on and woohoo, it felt odd having jeans so high again but my tummy was gone, and everything was smooth and it looked pretty damn good if I do say so myself. 

I brought them home, washed them and they sat in my closet for a week before I remembered aha I have some cute as hell jeans I can wear.

I put them on.

Within two hours I was pissed.  Why?  Well these jeans that are supposed to smooth your curves and control your tummy, LIE LIKE A BASTARD.  Two hours into wearing these $60 jeans and I suddenly had a preggo pooch.  No really, Bo didn't believe me until I showed him.  I knew when my husband's eyes did a funny twitch that the image wasn't one that was only in my head, it was real and horrible.  Not only was there a red neon flashing sign pointing to my rolly polly tummy, but they were now loose enough I could take em off without unbuttoning or unzipping them.

WTF?!?!

They look like the worst 'Mom jean's on the planet.

Now I can't take them back, I've washed them, I've worn them and we tossed the receipt.  Because I had faith that these puppies were going to work and now they don't.  Not by a long shot.

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Thursday, June 30, 2011

I hear you...I hear you!

You know how you get handed things by fate and you're not sure whether to be irritated or excited?  That was my day yesterday.

Remember me needing new jeans?  Well go read what happened yesterday.

Pretty neat right?  Free killer jeans?

That don't freaking fit.....grrrr.

I get it universe, I need to get my butt in gear and stop half ass doing things.  I try, I really do try but it's a struggle for me.  If I give 100% on one thing I do nothing on anything else.  It's one of my faults that I desperately try to work on.  I do a little in everything so nothing gets left out, but a little in diet and fitness doesn't do me any good.  I've lost 5 pounds over the last three months, which is something but it's not great. 

Great would be able to fit into these sweet jeans.

After trying them on I put them at the top of my closet with the other piles of jeans I have....all that won't fit because they are a size to three sizes too small.  There are my jeans, just waiting for me to use.  If I could lose some more flubber I wouldn't necessarily need new jeans because I already have like 10 pairs that are just sitting there collecting dust

Damnit three times.

I've said it before, but I'll say it again, I'm not buying new jeans at this size.  I will not buy another pair of jeans this size!!!!  I will lose weight and I will fit into the jeans I already own.  I will do this because I turn 30 next year, and I don't want to start my 30's like this.

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Monday, February 21, 2011

Is that? OMG shut it off!

We bought a Kinect this weekend.  And let me say right now, it's awesome, it really is.

However, I have a huge complaint.  I don't enjoy the photos or videos that are taken during the games.  That's not fair.  They are SOOOOO not pretty.

Where can I shut that feature off? Does anyone know?  Cause it ruined my fun.

That huge blob with red hair...that's me?  No freaking way!  Who cares that I just nailed that game, when I have that photo of me imitating a dog pissing on a bush, and all my rolls and double chin staring at me like that?  Ick.

If that's how I look, how people see me...wow.

Don't tell me that camera's add 10 pounds, I've never believed that, some chunky monkey came up with that to make themselves feel better and so they didn't have to admit how heavy they'd become. 

Seeing myself in photos and videos always make me uncomfy and I avoid it at all costs because I can't stand how I look.  I know I can't get away from this though, as the kids LOVE it and it really is a lot of fun.  I either have to accept how fluffy I've become or I make my 'blob' smaller.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Hello, I have the blahs....again

I think it's from the whole vacation thing mixed with Bailey starting school next week.

On the trip I had thought of a few things to put in my yet to be named book, I didn't write them down which is normally ok, but this time I forgot the ideas.  Yesterday when I sat down to write nothing came out.  Nadda.

My muse is sitting on that patio overlooking the lake drinking her cocktail and giving me the finger.

Today I start the book for my first ever review for Literary Escapism and sadly I'm like oh woohoo~insert eyeroll~.  It's Dark Lover by J.R. Ward, you can find the link to the book on my Amazon list on the right, if you're interested.  I really love this series, it's another twist on vampires, and we all know I love me some blood suckers.  But this blah cloud is bugging me to the point that I'm not so thrilled about reading. 

I can't write for shit, it's not fair to read someone elses work...does that make sense?

All I can do is trudge along through the muck and hopefully fight my way through to the other side. 

On the weight loss side, Miss and I started a new blog, Blog Us Thin.  Our first goal is to see how much we can lose in a month.  We started it on Sunday, so its fairly empty right now.  Come check it out, and please feel free to comment any tips or even your own weight loss journey.  The more the merrier!

Now I'm off to clean my once nice and shiny kitchen that has vomited dirty dishes EVERYWHERE thanks to a dishwasher that's being a bitch.

Friday, August 06, 2010

Where things are..so not where I want them.

I didn't have high hopes that I wouldn't gain while on vacation.  Eating take out at every meal, and most assuredly splurging each time, sorta equals weight gain.

Except I didn't gain!  Woohoo!  But I didn't lose either so damn.  We stayed busy enough I guess to work off all that we ate.  Like the giant pecan carmel cinnamon roll type thing that was the size of Joss' head.  Or the morning Lattes. Or all the fried food and desserts we scarfed down...plus many other things ;).

It probably helped that we hiked 1.25 miles in 102 heat on the side of a mountain/hill depending on how you look at it.  I'll write more on that lovely idea of mine later.

The writing however has been on a standstill for 2 weeks.  Gasp.  It's Friday, and my brain is all mushy so there is no way I'll be writing today, and since during the weekends I rarely get any writing done, I won't be doing any work until Monday.  Fabulous. 

It's a good thing I don't have a deadline for this, LOL cause I would so not be meeting it.

Friday, July 30, 2010

Another week down

It's Friday and I noticed that I haven't mentioned my writing or my weight loss like I had planned to do.  Bad Nikki, no soup for you.

I know this is more for me than you guys, by the way I do appreciate the feed back and it does help, but I pretty much say the same things every time I write about these issues.  I feel like things are becoming redundant, and I hate that.  But if I don't keep track of it, then I'll get lazy and go back.  Which makes me even more pissed off, so, guess you'll just have to skip over the bitch slap to myself posts.

I'm going to start with writing since well its not as frustrating and its first thing in the morning.  I'm an ogre already don't need to up the meanness.  I took a week off of writing.  Esh, I know it hurt to do but I was stuck beyond stuck.  In deep mud, up to my eyeballs, with no help in sight, stuck.  I like what I have so far, or I did until chapter 2 came along and I noticed all of a sudden one of the characters suddenly was rich and had a castle.  HAHA considering he's into construction.  I even went back over my notes on him and sure enough, no rich guy.  I'm on chapter 5, that's 3 chapters of him being a rich guy somehow with lots of involvement with the main chick.  It seemed like I was going to climb Mt. Everest barehanded.  I started the process of rewriting him, but he's a big character and its going to take out a lot of what I already had.  Again, I'm going to lose pages.  Sigh.

Good news though, I'm going to use the material for another story.  Might as well right, considering I spent a lot of time writing and rewriting most of what I'll be taking out.

Weight loss, can I just say is a bitch?  You are a bitch, bitch.  I don't know why this time it's so hard to remember to measure and watch what I eat but it is.  I wake up in the morning with such determination that I'm going to do better today and remind myself how great it will be when I see my dedication pay off.  Then at night when I go to bed, I hide my head under the covers because again, lunch came along and with it my memory and energy to do what I was supposed to do.

Last time I didn't need a partner, but this time I'm wondering if I had someone losing weight with me if it would help.  Yeah Bo is on W.W. too, but he's not as serious about it and he forgets just like I do.  Not to mention he gets 12 more points a day than I do, which is like 1-2 meals more than I can have.  It makes dinner options tricky, they have to be low in points for me, but he has to eat a lot to get his points filled.  Not that he minds, LOL, but its hard to see him get to eat so much, more than he normally eats most times, when I can't and have to be very diligent on what I eat all day.  The man can eat without paying much attention and still fit in a banana split every day with dinner.

Frustrating isn't the word.

But, I have no one locally to do this with.  My mother and sister think I'm insane for doing W.W., they would rather take out everything they like to eat than only eat a little, and don't you even bring up exercise.  Which blows me away and I find insane, but whatever.  I don't have any friends who are on W.W. or trying to lose weight that I know of and I AM NOT going to ask them if they'd join me.  Talk about rude, "Hey lets lose weight together, cause we are both fat asses", I don't think so.  But I NEED someone to make me work out, Bo won't he doesn't want to make me mad at him.  I find this very sweet and loving, but man up dude cause it would help me.  I NEED someone to get me out of the house doing different activities, but we're too busy on weekends to do this, besides twice a week doesn't help all that much.  I'm not disciplined enough to make myself do things, I'm a softy when it comes to me, who knew.  But I need to figure out something, and find a way to stay on track and keep myself going, otherwise I'll never lose the weight.

It also doesn't help that again this week I've struggled with sleeping, have had a headache almost every day that has kept me still as possible on the couch.  It's hard to focus on losing weight and writing about my fantasy world when I can't concentrate and remember what my passwords are..yeah I did that. 

Monday, July 26, 2010

It's Monday..oh yay

I hate Monday's, I don't think I've ever met someone who didn't and if you do, you need to be shot.  Ewe, Monday's are evil and bad and stressful and well they suck.

Let's ignore the name of today and pretend its a Friday...ah see instant relaxation.

Oh weight update, I've lost half a pound....yup, not sure what to say on that matter other than WTF.

Moving on.

I've come to terms with the fact that I cannot write on only one story at once.  I know its bad and it messes things up, but if I don't I tend to write new ideas into what I'm working on and it really messes EVERYTHING up.  I think its why I keep making one bad girl into the most dramatic evil bitch ever known to man and gave a guy more money than he was supposed to have....and it took going back over it and reading it as a story and not work, for me to see it.  I slapped myself on the forehead and very hesitantly started another story, a short one, with the ideas I'd been having.  Let's hope things work now. 

I've been thinking of possibly posting snippets of what I'm working on, but I'm afraid and embarrassed by it.  It would suck if someone stole it and got credit for my work, and what if you guys read it and say 'Wow Nikki, that's really really bad, you shouldn't be writing'.  I need to know obviously if I'm that bad but I'm afraid to find out, considering I think that I suck and I don't want more proof, if that makes any sense whatsoever.

It is very encouraging though that so many of you say you want to read it and can't wait for me to finish.  Hopefully I can work up to letting you guys read some.

Monday, July 12, 2010

Manic Monday...eesh

It's Monday...fabulous.  I have lots planned to do today, keep your fingers crossed I succeed....or get most of it done.

Like cleaning up the chunks of grass that I keep finding all over the house.  Bo mowed the backyard Saturday evening, then we headed out to play in the kiddy pool.  We all tracked in grass, yay.  And since we were trying to do other things all weekend, its all still on my floor. 

I can't believe I just admitted to that.  Bad housewife huh.

I have Mt. Washmore to tackle and HOPEFULLY remember to get my stuff in each load so I don't have another Bag Lady Day.  Plus changing out all the sheets on the beds and getting them all washed as well.

I HAVE to finish the book I'm on and get to the next one.  I've made it to the 2nd book of the 5 I get monthly from BookSwim.  Ok to be honest I'm reading books 2 and 3, 3 is I heart Female Orgasms, LOL, but there's no real hurry to read that.  Plus I have 10 or more books that my MIL gave me that I haven't gotten to read yet, PLUS another 8 new books I've bought over the past year that I haven't read either cause I've been trying to read other stuff.  Ugh...and I've also signed up to do book reviews, but I haven't heard anything back yet so I'll fill you in later if I am accepted.

Today I'm making peach cobbler, and not just any cobbler but the one my grandmother use to make.  I'm using fresh peaches, and I can't wait!  Yeah so W.W. probably won't like it but its something Grandma made and the diet can kiss my butt.  I want Grandma's cobbler ~sticks tongue out~.

Plus I have to do some writing, I haven't in 4 days and I'm feeling it.  Or hearing it I should say, the story is playing in my head like movie.  I caught myself folding clothes Saturday morning,thinking through scenes I want to write.  And like always, I put myself in the story, it helps me "see" everything.  So there I was, folding towels and thinking about having a fight with a boyfriend I don't have.  Time to write, haha.

~passes you a coffee cup filled with your favorite brew~What does your Monday look like?

Friday, July 09, 2010

Avoiding

I doubt anyone noticed, but I said that not only would I start focusing on my writing, I would stop whining about my fat butt and do something about it.  And I haven't.

I've avoided the topic or just alluded to what was going on.  The past two days I posted random junk just to fill in the space.  I tried to post, I really did, but I gave up because I didn't like what I saw/read.  I also couldn't understand what I was writing, so how could anyone else?

This Wednesday marked 3 weeks since I said I'd do better.  The only thing that has changed is my writing.  I focused on that only, and because of that, I haven't lost a pound.

Three weeks of half ass trying resulting in the same crap.  Same number on the scale, my clothes fitting horrible.  Same horror at seeing myself in the mirror.

Wednesday I sat down to do a post about it, but none of it made any sense.  I thought maybe if I logged on to W.W. site, which I haven't done in three or four months, and see what I've done maybe that would help.  Seeing how long it had been since I had done anything on the site, made me want to cry and scream.  Three weeks ago I said I'd follow the system again but I didn't.  So I entered in my points, or what I could, and tried hard to shut up the negative voices in my head.

I tried again yesterday to write about this and got the same thing.  But I tracked my points for the most part.  Yeah that's bad, but we had Chinese takeout Wednesday night and leftovers for lunch, its something I can't calculate, only guess.  Since I don't know I don't count it.  I know both days I went over my points, how much is anyones guess.

But I tracked my points.

I also stepped away from my writing/laptop and focused on moving as much as I could the past two days.  I did what I said I'd do.  I didn't want to do it, I'd rather be reading or writing than cleaning.  But I did it because I have to.  And today I'm doing it again. 

Back in February I began doing a video blog of my weight loss.  I had planned on posting the videos but I never got around to it.  Then, I got sick of failing and deleted them.  I couldn't watch myself, I couldn't stand how I looked, how could anyone.  Thats about the time I gave up and stopped doing the points.  I'd like to pick this back up, but right now I'm not saying I will.  I know me, and although I am trying to be positive these days, I doubt I'll make the time to do it.  If I do great, if not then its something else on my list of things to work on.

On Wednesday when I was going through my chart, I saw that in the first week I lost 5lbs.  I'd totally forgotten that and I was so very envious of that me who had lost 5lbs in a week.  I followed the system for a month and a half, and when I'd lost only 7lbs I stopped it.  I had lost more the last go round, and I hated that I wasn't losing it the same this time.  I know that's stupid, that every year your body changes and it becomes harder to lose weight.  But I gave up anyway, and I've managed not to gain everything back....although I go up and down pretty much every week.

I sat down this morning and told myself I had to write this, I promised myself I would and told you guys I would do this daily.  I can't keep going back on my goals, or I'm going to always be on this merry-go-round.  I hate it when people jump from one thing to another, it bugs the crap out of me, yet I do it.  I say I'm going to do this, that such and such is my goal and then I give up when things don't happen the way I think they should.  I'm the person that annoys me, the person that has big plans but never followes through.  The one who lets fear rule them.
 
I'm a quitter.

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Drinking...my new hobby

Let's see Monday I managed a lot of writing, although now I'm thinking I need to redo most of what I've written so far.  I'm fighting it though because I know what will happen.  I'll be left with nothing.

I thought I was paying attention to what I was eating and making better choices, except yesterday and today I weighed and it says I've gained 3lbs.  I got on that damn thing 5 times both days, always the same result.  What the crap is up with that I'd like to know?  I'm drinking more water, I'm using less creamer, I'm not cleaning up the kids plates (stupid Mom habit anyway LOL), etc.  Yet somehow I've gained 3lbs.  Damnit 150 times.

Yesterday was terrible, and I hate saying that because it makes me feel like a bad mother.  I was so stressed and exhausted by 11am that I played online games and did nothing else unless I HAD to.  I felt bad but man every time I tried to interract with them one or both would do something bad and I was already pissed, so it didn't end well.  Bo came home, and as usual, to my rescue.  Luckily Bailey did him the same way, so I didn't feel like it was just me he does this to.  But Bo has this way that I wish I did, because he managed to get him to clean his room without a fight.

How?  Well I asked him and let me tell you that man has patience like no other.  He said as long as he kept him talking, he stayed focused.  Instead of saying pick the cars up, he asked him where should this or that go.  He was still snail slow, and still walked over and kicked objects out of his way that he was 'looking' for, but he didn't break down like he did with me.  He did admit that it was like pulling teeth and he had to do a lot of deep breathing to not raise his voice. 

The boy clearly inherited this from me.  Because I do this, I will look at a room and see so much crap I have no clue where to start, and I miss things so easily it makes you wonder if I'm not blind.  How can I teach him how to not to do this when I struggle with it myself? Not sure, but obviously saying pick up your cars and put them in the case isn't good enough.

I'm regrouping today, it is Hump Day after all and either I pick up the pieces and make this week end well or let the entire week go to pot.  It's a good thing we have Corona and Mike's Hard Pomegranit Punch in the fridge.  I think they'll be very helpful this week.

Monday, April 05, 2010

It’s not Rocket Science

I watched Jamie Oliver’s Food Revolution this weekend, I think its episode 3 or something, and I want to throw up.

People, who are in charge of the health and education of our children while in school, who dictate the things they are fed, think that French Fries are vegetables. Come on? Seriously? That’s like saying a slice of cheesecake covers your dairy requirements. Pardon me, but what the fuck are you people thinking?

What are you putting into our kid’s bodies just to save time? Is it worth it? Really? Is it ok to watch these kids get heavier and heavier, knowing what you are saying is ok to feed them is PART of the problem? Would you want to eat greasy pizza, or hamburger and fries everyday for lunch? I doubt it; I bet you have your salads and grilled chicken or something else just as healthy and tasty instead. BECAUSE YOU KNOW BETTER THAN TO EAT IT EVERY DAY.  So please stop giving it to our children.

As parents, it is our responsibility to teach our children about life and how to survive out in the world, yet little things like financing money and nutrition get over looked. We are a country in MASSIVE debt, and obese on top of it.  And who do people blame?  The Golden Arches and the school system, when in reality the parents are the most at fault.

Yes I said it. You can’t blame the school system and not the parents, since both are in charge of shaping kids into adults.

Neither Bo nor I were taught portions as children. I was always told to clear my plate and to this day I have issues when I can’t eat everything I’ve dished out. Do I make Bailey eat everything on his plate? No. Because this is where overeating begins. This is when portions need to be learned, as well as learning your body’s signals saying no more. Making you clear you plate is encouraging overeating. If you don’t want the food to go to waste, put it in the fridge, simple as that. Wasting is one thing, overeating is something else entirely folks.

If we don’t teach our kids these things, and then send them to school where more bad choices are given, they won’t know what to do. Our children will have weight issues for the entire lives, just like most of us parents already do, if we as a group don’t do something about this.

Have you ever looked at the ingredients for chicken nuggets? Do it and you’ll be surprised that chicken is way down the list on ingredients, the majority of what makes those things are chemicals. You can make you own, with nothing but ground chicken and bread crumbs, not only are they healthier but they taste better, AND YOU KNOW WHAT GOES INTO THEM. Pizza is not a healthy food just because it has all the food groups. Ice cream and/or cake is not an everyday dessert. Fruit should not come from a can or jar, they tend to be loaded with unnecessary sugar and preservatives. If you start them from the beginning eating healthy, they will always eat healthy.

No offense but I really don’t want to hear any “Well my kids only eat hot dogs and potato chips, it’s a nice thought but they refuse to eat anything else”. 1)who gave it to them in the first place and kept the house stocked with it? 2)who is in charge you or your kids? If you have these options in your home they will always choose it. If you give them healthy foods instead, they will eventually eat it once they realize you’re not giving in and they won’t get to eat anything else instead. What’s harder to deal with, the melt down/fit because they can’t have the hot dog or watching your child struggle with weight issues all their life knowing you started it and kept it going? They won’t starve; do you not notice the excitement and rush when dinner is announced? Even dr’s will tell you, they won’t starve they’ll eat when they get hungry enough. Get the kids involved in cooking; give them the responsibility of choosing what’s for dinner or a side sometimes and let them help you cook. If they only eat mac and cheese, add veggies to it! But make the mac and cheese yourself! It’s not hard and its real cheese verses some powder concoction. My son loves poptarts, I’m learning how to make them so it’s a)cheaper and b)better for him.  Start a change, its worth the effort.

I also don’t want to hear “I can’t afford to cook healthy”, $5 dinners says differently. Homemade salad costs less than prepackaged cut lettuce. Most fruit and veggies cost much less if you get them fresh and in season. You can always freeze them if you are afraid you won’t use it before it goes bad. My mother for instance, buys bell peppers when they go on sale, cuts up and freezes the ones she won’t use. They come out tasting just the same, and just as crunchy. Use coupons. Price grocery stores and find when sales are going on. It can be done, but it does take work.

Yes I am overweight, yes so is my husband, and no that doesn’t mean we don’t know jack about nutrition. I know you need lots of fresh fruit and veggies, you need dairy, you need protein, you need iron, etc.  I know you have to eat the right portion size, even if its a salad, portion size is KEY to maintaining or losing weight.  You have to keep track of what you eat throughout the day so you know when you went wrong and can do things to make up for it.  You should drink more water than anything else, ESPECIALLY pop/soda…a problem I have myself haha.  Plus you have to have movement, lots of movement!

My husband has lost 25 pounds in three months on Weight Watchers. His issues were: he wasn’t eating enough most days and over eating others, he skipped meals most of the time, and he’s a computer man so he wasn’t moving all that much. Now he’s doing pushups and stuff off and on throughout the day, he’s making sure he eats his meals, and drinking water. He hasn’t given up anything, and has lost 25 pounds!  Now me, I have metabolism issues, I also barely eat some days and over eat others, which does not help my already wonky metabolism, and I wasn’t moving enough. We’ve done the same things (minus the push-ups, chin-ups and such), I’ve gone down as far as 10 pounds, and right now I’m at 7 pounds down. Why? Your guess is as good as mine, I don’t get it either and neither does my dr. I eat fresh fruit and toast for breakfast, leftovers or salad from the night before for lunch and a low calorie dinner with a low calorie dessert. Nothing outrageous, nothing so crazy it’s hard to keep up with, its simple easy substitutes that taste better and are way better for your body. Part of my weight loss issues were my meds, they kept me sluggish and tired and that does not equal weight loss. Now that I have new meds, I’m moving all the time so HOPEFULLY that will help because I’m already eating better.

Parents, we need to give our children better choices. Look at it this way, not only will it be taking better care of our children but it will help us be healthier as well! Schools please help us by doing the same while they are in your care. Together we can make a difference, against each other nothing is going to change. And please stop blaming fast food, it’s not their fault parents get their kids that junk every meal. Stop going, simple as that.

Wednesday, February 03, 2010

Ok so there is a difficult side…

I have mentioned many many times how easy Weight Watchers is, and its not a lie, its the easiest ‘diet’ I have ever tried.  But its not without some difficulties.  I hate even calling it a diet, because I eat what I want to, most of the time, and every diet out there you can’t have things you love.  Like pasta!  Or ice cream and cake!  Or pop/soda, whichever you prefer to call it!  What diet would allow you to have a brownie fudge sundae for dinner?  WEIGHT WATCHERS BIIATCH!

With that said, the two difficult things for me about this system, are keeping track of points (measuring and weighing, remembering to put in my points on the website, and making sure I fit all my meals under my daily points) and finding recipes that we love that are low in points.

Counting points is hard, because its not so simple as this is this many points and that is that many points.  You have to measure, you have to weigh, you have to KNOW what your food contains to know if you can fit it into your day.  That handful of M&M’s has to be counted, so you know how many points you just swallowed.  The times you finish off your child’s plate (I haven’t met a mother yet that doesn’t do this, LOL), has to be measured/weighed.  EVERYTHING that goes into your mouth has to be accounted for, because if you don’t, your going to go over your points and if you go over enough you won’t lose, you will gain.  You can’t just eyeball it, unless your Justin Wilson (he was a Cajun chef here in America who used his hand to measure and was ALWAYS right).  But its not just about the number of points per item or meal, its also about staying under your daily points.  Because if you go nuts on one meal, you have to skimp on others just so you don’t go over.  I love the weekly allotted points, because many times even if I have been good for the day, I still go over and these little extra points are awesome to have for those days.  Like today, my oatmeal this morning although very healthy, was 6 points!  That was 1 tbs of Smart Balance butter spread, 1/2 cup of oatmeal, 1/2 cup whole milk, 1/4 cup berries and 1 tbs honey.  See nothing insane or terrible for me, but it adds up.  Now I’m left with only 16pts for the day, ick. I have to squeeze in my next two meals, with as many filling, 0 point foods as I can, otherwise I’m going over today.  Some people find it easiest to plan every single meal for a week, so they know what days they will go over beforehand.  I don’t, I stock my house with a variety of foods so I can pick and choose depending on my mood. 

Now I love planning and list making, but finding recipes that fit into our daily points is not fun or easy most of the time.  I collect recipes, so I will go through a good 40 before finding 1 that will do.  Then I have to add in sides, and make sure they are filling foods and low in points.  It takes a ton planning, and sometimes its so much easier to just to get takeout and ‘forget’ to put in your points for that day.  One thing about Weight Watchers, that I didn’t have last time, is the ability to build recipes.  This means you can make any recipe you want, all you do is enter in the items and their amounts, how many servings and it tells you the points.  Ta da!  No more guessing on how much my favorite chili is, I got the exact amount now.  The bad part of this, is seeing that those recipes that you thought for sure were healthy, aren’t so much.  But then something fun happens, you get to experiment with your favorite recipes, and make it healthier for you and your family.  You get to see what items to swap out for, and what items to cut back on.  It’s oddly fun, well for me it is.  You have to do a lot of planning to make sure that the meals you have, will stay within your daily points.  Not only that but if you want to make one of your mom’s famous recipes that is 15 points for one serving, you have to make sure that your sides and other meals for the week are low in points. 

I for one, find these things very small compared to what they could be.  I’ve heard many people say that they’d rather cut everything out instead because this system sounds so hard.  Um go right ahead, you eat your naked salad with bland chicken breast, while I munch on a cheeseburger and fries.  Yes it has its hard parts, there are days where I hate points, and want to tell them where they can stick it but I remind myself how bad it could be and then tell myself how much I’ve lost, and the sunshine returns.  It does take time, and energy to do this system the right way, but it is beyond worth it.  I’d rather put my energy to finding healthy but tasty meals for my family and keep track of my food, than wallowing in despair because I can’t have the foods I love.

Monday, February 01, 2010

Weight loss check in week 3

Let’s see, week three here I think and I’ve lost 3 pounds since last week.  Yup.  Basically I lost what I gained last week plus a pound.  Hot damn.

This brings my total to 6 pounds in three weeks.  Not bad considering I’ve only worked out one time.  And that lasted all of 5 minutes, eh hum.  I’ve had to do a ton of adjusting with my suddenly lower daily points, but nothing too crazy.  In fact I find I stay full longer and easier, on some days.  There are days where I think I could eat a cow, with a side of whale, and hippo for dessert.  These days I do go over my points, but just barely and thankfully by the end of the week still have almost my entire weekly points.  See not so bad. 

Am I happy with 6 pounds?  Yes, I have to say I am.  I would love it to be more but wouldn’t we all?  I am thrilled with it since this isn’t hard to keep up with.  If I had to give up everything I love, then I’d probably be bitching and moaning about how hard this is.  But its not, I get to eat anything I want, I just have to make sure I have the points and that I want it bad enough.  That is so much easier than cutting out something I love.  Seriously people, last week I had birthday cake and frozen yogurt on Sunday, Chinese food (two days in a row), and a Pepsi almost every day and still I lost 3 pounds. 

I made a slight goal for myself, and that was to lose 10 lbs by my birthday, if I keep this up, this will totally happen.  We can only hope my body doesn’t go “Nope going to hold on to this plus three more pounds my dear, ha ha deal with it”.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

HIGHlarious tale for the day

If you read my post yesterday then you probably can guess what this one is about too.  I decided to give my step aerobic tape a second try….only 3 years later shut your trap.  I forgot the hell that that tape is.  I forgot how hard it is and how fast pace it is.  Needless to say I forgot the entire insane ride that it is.

I lasted two minutes, maybe three.  I really didn’t time it but I barely made it into the workout before my arms and legs tried to fly away from my body in four different directions.  Lift your arms when you step up with your right leg, lower them when you step down with your left.  Now lets do that to the side.  Add leg lifts, add a jump, swing your arms as you step up with your left foot now.  I tried the warm up and this was so fast pace that I was behind within a few steps.  The freak of nature instructor was like “See this is so easy! Let’s shake things up” every three seconds, by the time I thought I was semi doing one move right she shook it up and I almost lost my balance.  Bailey was working out with me, using his step stool.  I came within inches of smacking him once, and a few seconds later tripped off the step and almost fell into him.  He was basically jumping up and down on it, saying “Mama this is hard”.  No shit my son. 

So no did not do this workout.  They made it look so easy, why can’t I get my short self coordinated to do it too?  I will try again, wrapping Bailey in pillows so one of my flying limbs doesn’t knock him out. 

 

Monday, January 25, 2010

Weight loss check in…

Not a good report, gained two pounds.  I didn’t go over my daily points but twice, and only by 2 points each time, which left me a ton of weekly points left.  It wasn’t a bad week, yet somehow I gained two pounds.  Damnit three times.

The only explanation that might be the reason is that I’m now down to one feeding a day.  Breastfeeding means you need to eat a little extra to keep your milk supply up and packed full of all the nutrients the baby needs.  I changed my profile to not nursing since she’s not really getting much from me anyway.  That took away 5 points!  If you’ve ever looked at the Weight Watcher system or have followed it, you know how HUGE 5 points can be.  I went from 28 points to now 23.  To give those of you who aren’t familiar with the system an idea on how much this is, here’s what I’ve had so far today.  Breakfast was 3/4 cup Cheerios crunch with 1/2 cup whole milk= 4 points, 2 cups of coffee with 3tbs of creamer = 2.5 points, and I’m drinking 16oz of sweet tea as we speak = 3.5 points.  Added together thats a total of 10 points, leaving me with only 13 points left for lunch and dinner.  Can we say shit? 

I will have to up my activity, do my workouts if I want to eat.  But at least I can eat, I don’t have to stop having what I love, just limit it.  Which is doable, I’ve already done it once, and it was easy so I know I can do it again.

Oh and Bo has now lost a total of 7 pounds.  Bah humbug…….

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Mini Tribal…boom boom

Today ends week one on Weight Watchers and both of us lost 5lbs!  Can I get a whoop whoop? 

That’s really all I have to say on that.  I mean 5lbs in a week, without doing anything but watching my portions and keeping track of what I eat.  So not difficult or time consuming.  Well, truthfully it has been difficult to remember to make the time for myself and measure things and keep track of points.  I find it hard to remember to do for myself first and everyone else second.  I saw my mother do this day after day, so its only natural for me to do the same.  As odd as it sounds, its the most difficult part of this….of anything really. 

Another thing to dance about is a recent purchase I made.  World, I spent more than $30 on a pair of shoes.  Yes, yes I know what am I thinking, this is so unlike me.  I bought a pair of Sketchers Shape-ups, and the cheapest I found them was $98.  I feel horrible for it, but I was in need of shoes and if these things really do what they claim, its a good investment.  I find them very very comfy, almost like walking on a mattress.  My mother says it feels like walking on a balloon, I agree.  It’s the craziest sensation with each step, but they don’t hurt my feet and I have no problem wearing them all day.  HUGE improvement over my last pair.  So if your wondering about these, they are worth buying.  I love love love them.  Now lets hope we don’t need any clothing this month, because these shoes took up our entire monthly clothing budget.  Eeeeck.

 

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Ridonkulous doesn’t cover it

I knew I had gained weight since I stopped Weight Watchers, I just didn’t do the math to see how much until this weekend.  Seven pounds folks.  That is way too much.  My ‘I’ll stop this so we can save money since I know how to do it’ idea didn’t work so well.

We both decided to sign up for it on Sunday.  It blows me away at how easy this program is, minus the measuring and such.  That’s the part that I was skipping on, I was guessing.  Plus I had days where I barely ate, days where I ate too much and then occasionally I’d eat enough, so it threw my metabolism all out of whack…ok so more than it already is.  With us both doing it, it makes it more challenging since last time I did this he lost 30 pounds without even trying.  Because I was measuring everything, he lost without having to do any of the work.  Lucky dog.

Since I’m still nursing my points are much higher than what a normal person would have, but even then that doesn’t compare to what he is allowed every day.  That man can eat like three more meals than I can.  It’s only not fair when frozen custard comes into the equation (See Todd I got it right this time).  That stuff is heaven in a cup, and hell on your butt.

Thursday, December 31, 2009

Day 1

Yesterday I noticed the return of the crone.  I realized that I have been avoiding the mirror again.  How did I suddenly realize this?  When I was playing around with my laptops web cam.  I saw myself and was like OMG WHOSE THAT.  Well its her, that crone who hates how she looks, who feels like a whale all the time and who is so embarrassed by how she looks she doesn’t want the hubs to see or touch her.  Fricking great.

So last night in bed, I couldn’t get my mind to shut up its how fat, how disgusting, how you swore this wouldn’t happen again, etc.  No matter how hard I tried, I kept going back to that person on the screen and how hideous she looked.  Now I know those things make everyone look a bit wonky, but this was BAD.  Did you know I have a double chin?   Well neither did I until I saw it on the screen.  I finally told myself to shut my fat mouth up, get some sleep and do better tomorrow.

And I did.  I did a workout this morning on Wii Sports Active, for the first time in LONG time.  I do love that game, it makes the workouts fun.  My favorite is the boxing, OMG do I love the boxing.  I played tennis, inline skating, baseball and basketball, as well as some dancing.  Fifteen minutes and 75 cal burned, I think.  My head is saying woohoo 75cal is not even that bowl of cereal you had for breakfast.  But you know what, I told it to shut its fat ass up, cause doing nothing is what got me here in the first place.

So here’s to day one of trying to do better.  I even put a sticker on the calendar so I can see for myself that I did it.  My goals?  To do this daily, that’s it.  I want to lose weight obviously, but I’m going to try to not to focus on that part.  Because once the pound issue comes into play, everyone get discouraged.  I’ll keep track of what I lose and try very very hard to not focus on how little is lost.  I’m going to try to focus on how well I’m doing the workouts compared to what I was doing. 

I plan on posting daily about this, hopefully it doesn’t annoy anyone.  I think with posting all the stuff here, I’m more likely to keep going since I have witnesses to me slacking off.  Plus I have Miss, who will totally ream me for not sticking to my goal.  

Thursday, May 07, 2009

Wolf! Wolf!

I’m stuck in a never ending cycle and I’m drowning. I have so much that I’m trying to do because I have to and I can’t follow through with any of it. I can’t keep the momentum going and I can’t keep my focus. Part of that problem are my happy pills, they keep me jumping from one thing to another more than usual. It makes it difficult for me to focus long enough on something, and then I take over and give up.

I started Weight Watchers again almost a month ago. I have to get my weight under control again. I’ve been stuck at the same weight for a little over 2 months. If I wasn’t such a funky build it wouldn’t be so bad, but I can’t find a size of jean that fit. The size I have to wear falls off of me, but the size lower I can’t zip. How that’s possible I do not know. This is a dilemma I seem to have more than I’d like, but this time it’s majorly different. Normally it’s just a little loose or a little tight, enough to annoy me, but now its very very tight vs very very loose. I have one pair of jeans that I can wear, the only pair I’ve found that work, everything else is either too big or too small. I think it’s a fluke pair. I’m sick and tired of yanking my pants up ever two steps. I’m tired of trying to find shirts that cover the fact that my jeans are so low or that my belt is belted so tightly the jeans are bunching up. I want clothes that fit me. The first two weeks I did great, lost 6lbs. The third week came along and I forgot to log my food or even pay that much attention to what I’m eating. Most of the time I’m not eating enough and I’m not drinking enough, I know this and I know that’s bad for breastfeeding. But I forget. Bedtime comes along and I’m still drinking on my first bottle of water and I smack myself on the forehead. I have to be eating enough and drinking enough for Jocelyn, and right now I’m not. I’m doing a shitty job of it. But I can’t keep focused on it long enough to keep it going.

It seems I’m always telling someone I’m cleaning and yet my house is a wreck. I was asked once how it’s possible to always be cleaning yet have a messy house. That’s because it’s me doing it. Flylady is a godsend but I can’t keep the process going for very long. Growing up cleaning was a punishment. I’d get into trouble for not doing it right or doing it fast enough. When I start cleaning, I get mad and I think of all the things I could be doing instead. All the fun things I could be doing but no I have to clean the toilet. Then I start thinking how bad I am at cleaning, how I do it wrong every time or not fast enough. I’m 27 years old and I still get mad when I clean, after all this time you would think I’d have moved on from this but nope. Because I’m mad while cleaning I do a bad job, and I don’t finish any one task I just keep moving through the house half finishing, half ass cleaning one area and then the next. So I’m always cleaning but you can’t tell that I’ve done anything. Right now our laundry is so backed up poor Bo has to dig for socks and underwear in the giant pile of clothes sitting on our cedar chest. Most of his new work shirts are at the bottom of the dirty clothes pile, so he’s wearing the same shirts over and over again. Jocelyn and Bailey have plenty of clean clothes, crammed in their baskets. Then there’s me, I forget to get my stuff so I’m left with pj’s or what I wore the day before. How in the world Bo still finds me sexy while wearing pj’s and clothes far too big on me I do not know. My floors haven’t been vacuumed or mopped in forever, there’s places where dust is inches thick, I have dirty bathtubs, dirty toilets……the list goes on and on and on. If I don’t get a hold of this soon, we’re going to be eaten up by the shit living in this house.

We have a list of projects that never seems to get anywhere. We have cabinets to fix, rooms to paint, garage to empty, things to put in storage, and other odds and ends to get to. I admit most of this is more on Bo than me, and the poor man works his butt off at work then comes home to help me get somewhere on the cleaning, its no wonder he never gets around to the projects. We are both great at procrastinating and because we do this that damn list keeps growing. I look at the list and instead of seeing it one item at a time I see it as a whole, like I have cleaning, babies, and 100’s of projects all to do right this second and it blows me away and I give up before even starting anything. Poor Bo is left to try to find time in his busy schedule to do it on his own.

I’ve never been good at organizing, except for my books or my writing. That is the only area I can organize, go figure. It shows in my house, it shows in my kids, it shows in everything that I do that I am not organized. I’m lazy and I know it. I spend way too much time playing games on the net or reading instead of doing the things I need to do. I make lists for myself, which is far too much fun for me, but when I look at these lists I cannot see it as individual tasks. I try to do it all at once and I crash and burn. I think maybe if I write everything that I need to do down that would help me focus, nope I see it as a whole. I think well maybe writing three things down for each day to do won’t be so daunting, nope because those 3 things doesn’t get me anywhere because there’s so much more to do. So then I try not writing anything down and just doing the first thing that I think of, but again it gets me no where. I’ll have a few days where I get my crap together and get stuff done and then I have a week or two of nothing. It’s not one step forward two steps back, its more like 10 steps back for me. Not to mention if I set myself a schedule the slightest thing that comes up throws my entire day off, I can’t seem to get back on track if something comes up that wasn’t on my schedule. My biggest enemy is myself, and part of my problem is I just don’t see that I can do anything perfect enough. So that makes me mad, then I don’t do it or halfway do it and it makes more of a mess. I’ve done this to myself, I know I have but how in the world can I stop this?

I’m good at making goals, I’m good at coming up with ideas, I’m bad with following through with anything. I told Bo over the weekend the only things I’ve ever done all the way through is finishing school, marrying him and having the kids. Everything else I’ve given up on, everything else I’ve screwed it up so badly it had to be burned. I hate saying ok so this is my plan now, although I want to, because I know that it won’t happen. But this is one of those “If a tree fell in a forest with no one around does it still make a sound” kinda things. By automatically thinking I have failed before I start it, I set myself up to fail. I hate saying this is my plan/goal and then getting excited about it all the while kicking myself for not having it in me to do it, then failing and kicking myself again for being right. I’m that boy who cried wolf, no one wants to hear me say guess what I’m doing now anymore. I need to change my way of thinking, I need to get a handle on my life before I get so behind and so low that I bring others with me. But how?