The run down

Good news: We bought a fantabulous house today!!!!

Bad news: The real work starts tomorrow...

Good news:  The money we deposited at the ATM last weekend FINALLY went through after the bank took forever to verify and make sure it was correct as it was a huge sum of money.

Other good news:  Since it went through we bought the sweet fridge I've been dying to have since I saw it!!!

Bad news:  Because of above purchase our bank account was frozen and we have no debit card until the bank stops being a douchebag and realizes that the big deposit was for that fridge...among other things.

Good news: We found a sweet trick to fixing the cabinets, Old English!!!...ok so it's not like we've never heard of this stuff before we just didn't think that would fix the wear and tear on the cabinets.  But it does, so I won't be spending the next two+ days cleaning,sanding and painting a big kitchen.  All I have to do now, is clean it and smear on the goop and tada BRAND NEW CABINETS....HOT DAMN HUH.

Bad news: Bo gets to put up a fence in mud.  But at least it won't be raining and will be nice and warm.

Good news:  The tables and chairs are in and are waiting to be picked up.

Bad news: We have to build Jocelyn shelves in her closet...seems previous owners had temporary ones that they took with them...

Good news:  But they did leave the surround sound setup thingy majig that has a DVD player in it....among other gizmo's and wires.  Bo could tell you what it is, just looked like a big ol mess to me ;)

Bad news: We're TIRED after a long day of paperwork, measuring, and decision making, nothing all that strenuous and we're like 'motherfucker we have to do physical work tomorrow'....

So yeah...that's been our day.  How was yours???

Pssst....

IT'S TOMORROW!   IT'S TOMORROW!

AT 10AM WE BUY A NEW HOUSE! 

AND THAT'S ALL I HAVE TO SAY ABOUT THAT.

OH AND MAJOR TRIBAL DANCE...NAKED...IN THE FRONT YARD...IN BROAD DAYLIGHT.

CHEERS.



P.S. SORRY ABOUT THE CAPS....LOWER CASE LETTERS JUST DIDN'T SEEM TO GET THE MESSAGE ACROSS.

P.S.S. ANYONE HAVE ANY BODY GLITTER AND NIPPLE TASSELS?  OH AND GLUE TO KEEP SAID TASSELS ON ;).

He's soooo our kid

Bailey sings, loudly, and as Bo put it as a one person conga line:

'Pussy!  Pussy! Pussy! Pppppppussy!'

I almost choke on dinner.

'Ppppusssy!  Pppppussy!'

Yup sucked hummus up my nose that time. 

'Pussy! Pussy! Pussy!  Wooohooo pussy!'

Bo couldn't have been more proud...

Silver linings and unicorns farting rainbows

Like that huh?

I was going for sophisticated meets well me, mwuahahaha.

You see this photo?  This is about as far as I'm going on the whole moving/packing issue.  I'm sooo over it and would rather talk about something else.

Like the end of this whole ordeal.

Like the new house and how our life is now.

No this isn't a brag post, and if after reading this you still think so, walk away, I have no room for shallowness in my life. 

This is an OMG have we really come this far, are we really able to do this, am I dreaming kind, of post.

The first 6 years we were married our bank account was always negative; I forget how many thousands of dollars we paid in overdraft fees, but I do know it was enough to buy a fancy, new car (we did the math once).  Bo had a job at one point where his paychecks would bounce once a month consistently.  He'd get paid every two weeks and I was only working part time so we could never get anywhere.  Then we moved away so he could go to school, and again all I could find was part time work; this time our paychecks weren't bouncing, but it didn't matter.  Two years of constant red and we were stuck in limbo of trying to get our heads above water.  We even used the rest of the money from Bo's trust fund to help, but that only lasted so long. We moved back home and after a year I got a job that we both thought was going to save us financially.  I was an apartment manager, we had 0 bills and I got paid pretty well.   But no, that didn't help us because we were still negative and even more stupid with our money.  I lost my job and we were forced to move.  We'd have bills again, with no money in the account and two brand new cars to pay for.  MAJOR STUPID PURCHASE THAT ONE.  By pure dumb luck, and a guilty ex boss, we managed to get the house we're in now and I found a new job.  We had to sell Bo's truck because we couldn't afford the payments and the gas.  Then Bailey was born and I quit my job.  Then everything in the house broke down and we had to replace them.  We had bills out the ass because we had no money thanks to over draft fees, but had a really good paying job.  That's when the company Bo works for had a seminar for Dave Ramsey and his financial plan, and as they say, the money issues were history.

No, this isn't a review or advertisement of his products, it's the truth and something everyone should know about.

I'm not going to lie and say we have all the money we need and never worry about it anymore.  No, HELL NO.  But we have a plan and by following that plan we got out of the negative and began paying off our debt.  Within three years of doing this program, we paid off my car and consolidated everything else under one loan that we could afford payments on.  It hasn't been easy by any means, and there were  many moments where we wondered if this was even working when emergencies came up and we still had no money. We know now that we had no idea what to do with our money. We thought we knew, but we didn't.  We spent WAY too much on groceries and eating out, spur of the moment purchases, going to the movies, etc.  We said we had no money, we didn't have much but we had money, we just wasted it without making a plan for everything.  That's not how we are anymore, every penny is accounted for now.  And we've only been negative once or twice in almost 5 years, not because we didn't have the money but because his paycheck didn't go through until after a bill was paid.

And before someone says wait isn't Bo an IT manager, and don't they make a killing, let me explain something to you.  Yeah he makes good money, but the married men in his department bring home far more than he does.  How?  Because their wives work full time.  Yes, he makes more than some couples we know combined, but back in the day we didn't.  And going over our income then, when we were barely bringing home $30k a year, on a good year, for those first 6 years, we could have followed this program and paid things off or prevented our debt by being smarter with our money.

Anyway, if you had told me 6 or 7 or hell 10 years ago that we'd be where we are now, I would have laughed at you and said you were dreaming. That there's no way we'd be close to being out of debt and getting a house we loved.

But here we are.

So when I say OMG we just bought a new dining room table and a table for the breakfast nook/room, know that our first table was a $30 fold up card table, our second one was $100 from Walmart and had just enough room for 4 people with teeny tiny plates and cups, and our third table was given to us by a relative. 

Or OMG I can have that fridge that I had to change my panties after I first saw it and then fell over when I saw the price tag.  That we can get it on sale because that's the ONLY way we spend our money now.  That it's the first time EVER that we've made that huge of a purchase on something we want and aren't settling just because we have to.

It's the FIRST time ever, that we are able to make certain purchases that up until a year or so ago had only been a dream.  That's not to say we can get whatever we want and waste lots of money.  We have a budget even on this, and we will not and can not go over.  Don't think we're getting everything new, because we're not.  I WISH we had that kind of money.

Although the 7 shirts and 3 pairs of jeans I own will look like nothing in the new closets....

I kid I kid...well that is how many clothes I have.

I'm so proud of us and how far we've come.  It's true, I dream of living in a castle, with all the clothes I could ask for, an entire library at my disposal, and not spending a moment worrying about paying our bills or will we have enough money to buy food at the end of the week.  I think everyone dreams of that.  We're not buying a castle and we worry about paying our bills, but we are finally for the first time EVER able to go out on a limb and get something we want instead of dreaming about it or settling because we have to.

So I may kick and scream and moan and groan about this damn move A LOT, but I know how far we've come and I appreciate everything I've been through.  Without it, I wouldn't be where I am.

Wherein I hug my teddy bear and speak gibberish

In four days we buy a new house.  HOT DAMN, right?!?! Major tribal on this one.

But coming in on the heals of that happy parade is the realization that we have a fence to finish, a kitchen to repaint, a few odds and ends jobs that the inspector found that we HOPE won't kill us or the bank, and then of course the dreaded MOVING.

Oddly enough right now, my mind is not on packing or painting or moving.

Right now my mind is on decorating.

You see, when we bought this house we did so because we needed out of the apartment complex I used to run and had been fired from (sooo a long story, to make it short and sweet, I had a psychotic crazy lady for an assistant who threatened to hurt tenants but I wasn't allowed to do anything about it and my boss wouldn't fire her...basically I was fucked in the ass on a daily basis for a year and in the end was told it was all my fault when the big boss found out).  My boss felt guilty sorry enough after firing me that he and the company lied to help us get the loan.  Shhh that's a secret.  Anyway, we had like 5 choices that year and chose the one with the best yard, even though we really didn't like the house.  And because of that, we never made decorating a priority. 

We have two paintings my mom bought us for Xmas a couple years ago, and two pictures of family members in frames.  I have a few figurines and a orange/red glass vase that belonged to my grandma, but they've never been really displayed for decoration.  The only room in this house that is decorated in anyway is Bailey's room, if you consider posters and random papers hanging on the wall decorated.  It's quite sad and appears as if we've been temporarily living here since we moved in.

Now we're moving into a house that's 1000 sqft bigger, WAY nicer and have like 4 things to decorate it with.

PANIC.

I can put things together, that's not a problem.  We know what we like, not a problem there either.

The problem is where do I start?!

Lost in translation

As a couple we've moved something like 8 times so far...some days we swear its 10 others more like 100, so pick a number and go with it. 

But now we have kids in tow and that is a huge, new experience for them.

How do we make this as easy on them as possible?

Bo and I got into a argument discussion last night over how we're going to handle the first night at the new house.  I suggested doing something cool like a party of sorts with party hats and bubbles or some cool party type activity to christen the new house.  And we could all sleep in the living room on the air mattress, so neither of them are alone that first night.

He looked at me like I'd grown a second head...that was green and giving slobbery raspberries.

My whole point for that idea was to make it fun and a big deal so that it's not just go to bed at the end of the day...doesn't matter that it's a new room or a new house, just go to bed, alone, and go to sleep.

Bailey has anxiety issues that thankfully are getting better, but he still has a hard time with new situations.  Just like I did at his age, minus the tossing of one's cookies.  We talk every day about the move, we make sure we speak positively about it around them, and talk excitedly about the entire process.  But, and I may be focusing more on how I'd handle it as a child, I think we should do something extra special that first night to help ease his anxiety and celebrate the new house.

However Bo thinks I'm nuts.

He feels that we should treat it like any other day and send the kids to bed like we always have.  That IF they get up and can't sleep, we do what we've always done by calming them down and sending them back to bed.  If they get up again, then we'll figure out what will help them fall asleep.

I see why he wants to do this, I even understand that making a huge deal can backfire and make it worse instead of better.  But I'm like 'Dude this isn't something where we can pull an idea out of our ass to fix...in the middle of the night after a move when we're exhausted'.  And he's like 'Dude we don't even know he's going to have a problem, so lets wait and see and then figure it out'....and then we both went 'Dude, dude, duuuuuudddddeee'.

It's not like I want to orchestrate three ring circus that first night, we'll be tired HELLO, but something special to christen the new house.  And a plan of some sorts to help them go to sleep beforehand, while we're awake and functional.

He's ok with a movie and games and letting Bailey pick dinner, so it's not like he's against it, he just thinks we should treat it like any other day first.  And skip the whole sleeping together in the living room unless we have to.

I'm meeting him half way, but I fully plan on giggling and doing my I told you so dance when the kids start fussing when it's bed time.

For those of you who have moved with kids, what are you tips, tricks and advice?

You know THAT thing

I woke up this morning tired.  How new right?  I had a plan in my head of things to pack and where I'm working toward for tomorrow, yadda yadda.  I had my coffee, ate some breakfast, played some Facebook.

It was like the third or fourth time I kicked a toy out of my way walking through the living room when I noticed what I'd done.  I looked around.

Good gravy.

I've been so caught up on packing I've done 0 cleaning since before I got sick. 

That's when I had another aha moment, I've been searching for undies for the last few days again...AGAIN... and this time it's not because I manage to not grab any for a load, it's because all I've been washing have been clothes to donate.

Can you see how wonderful OCD is?

I'm great at multitasking, but not so good if it's things that aren't related.

Ok so fine, cleaning is related to moving, but in my head it's not.  Packing up a house vs. running a house, totally different in my little noggin.

My BIL has to come over to sign a lease, now this dude lived with us for like 4 years so he knows my wonderful housekeeping skills already.  But for some reason I'm like holy shit balls the house is a mess and they have to come over what do I do?!?!?!

No really, I did that today. 

I'd just realized what I'd done, was in the midst of packing up more dishes when I thought 'Do I go clean or do I continue packing?  Which one is more important'.  Cause my brain is on moving that's what I focused on.  Now I have two more boxes done, the house is just as messy and we have no towels and no undies for me.

But my kitchen is 75% packed!

I can't win for losing....lol.

Vodka lolly pops

I think I've mentioned that we're doing a countdown until we move, just to help Bailey keep track of moving day.

I say think cause I'm still sick, half out of it, little sleep...you know, what seems to now be my usual.

Anwho, I just changed it and it's now on 9 days to close and 17 days to move.

OMG.

SERIOUSLY OMFG.

It's laughable considering we've been doing this for oh 5 days or so, so it's not like I haven't been aware of the days ticking down. 

It's not like I haven't been decluttering all over as much as I can and packing what I can.

But when I wrote the new numbers down, my heart jumped in my throat and I had to change the undies.

I've got that EEEEE we're moving how exciting and that FFFFFUUUUUUCCCCKKKKKK we're moving and it's hell.

I keep reminding myself of our worst move, which was in the summer of 2001.  This was in Tulsa, Oklahoma, and if you've ever been down in this area you know it's HUMID AS HELL.  It was in the 100's which meant you could fry an egg on pavement, no shit we've done it.  The complex was doing renovations that week so all of the elevators were out.  Oh no, no wait a sec it gets BETTER.  We were moving to the third floor.  Let's recap shall we?  THIRD FLOOR, 100+ WEATHER 100% HUMIDITY.  Can you imagine the beauty of that move?  To add more icing to that cake, all of the staircases were in direct sun.

I'm pretty sure our parents hated us by the end of it.

So every time I start panicking about this move I remember that move.  Where we were all soaked as if we'd showered in our clothes at the end of the day.  That week after, where EVERYONE was so sore no one wanted to get out of bed.

This time it won't be in summer, but that doesn't mean it's going to be smooth sailing weather wise.  It'll be April, which means it will either a) be gorgeous and warm but with cool breezes to make it easier, b) rainy and yucky where we'll be tracking mud and gunk all over both houses and AFTER we've unloaded the last box the sun will come out with a rainbow and the rain will be gone, or c) cold as all hell and snowing or sleeting.

Although if it rains we could so have a mud wrestling match....hmmm.

My middle name is phlem

The cold I had I THOUGHT was gone but has returned with vengeance. 

Sore throat, body aches, hot/cold constantly...etc but I'll spare you all the boring and whiny details.

We've started a countdown so that Bailey can see how soon we'll be moving.  He's very excited and every day he's like 'OOOOOOH we've got only 20 days now woohoo woohoo' then shakes his butt like I taught him.

But me, being sick and barely getting my ass out of bed and him off to school, is going OH SHIT, 12 days to closing 20 days to moving and we're not any closer to being packed.  I've done lots of little purging projects and have tossed a lot of crap we no longer use, I've even started going through things we've planned on donating but never got around to it....things that have sat in our garage for 5 years now ahem.  So it's not like I'm not doing things to get ready...I'm just not getting as much done as I'd like.

Considering I'm up and around feeling like my head is about to explode and I've swallowed fire, that's pretty good if I do say so myself.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go back to cuddling in my blanket with my steaming hot cup of coffee and my pink fuzzy slippers....

Sometimes chaos is a gift

I've been writing like a fiend...all in my notebook and now have 30+ pages to transfer to my laptop.

I've been keeping up with my routines (for the most part), which is something I haven't been able to do in weeks.  The house is looking better, not fab, but better.

Packing is...well it's going slowly but it's still happening.  We are now at 24 days until the move.  I'm trying to stay positive about this number. Thinking 'We've got 24 days until we move into the bigger, newer, prettier house' instead of 'Holy fucknugget, we have 24 days left and we have barely begun to pack'.  Makes things feel a lot less stressful and me more productive...which in turn keeps my butt moving.

We have Bailey's soccer practice twice a week, as well as Saturday school to make up for the snow days.  The whiny kid inside me says 'Nooooo that's too much I just want to stay home' then I remind myself that I'm getting out of the house more and it makes me feel good once I'm there, it's also keeping the kids from becoming hermits like me. 

I do feel like I'm being pulled in a million directions, failing at every one of them, and about to give up at times.  But I'm getting through it.  I force myself to focus on today only.  On one segment of the day at a time ONLY.  It's making it easier to get through the day, even when I'm juggling 15 things all unrelated.

I have to say, and this will so come as a shock for some of you who have read my blog for a while now, I'm proud of how I'm getting better at this.  I really truly am.  And when I feel like I'm done and I've fucked it all up again, I remind myself that I have done it, or something close to it, before and I succeeded so I know I can do it again. 

I won't lie and say my brain goes 'Ok Nikki let's do this' it's more like 'Fuck you I could care less what happened yesterday or last week, this is today and today I suck'. 

I OCD the bitch shut by saying it over and over again, and eventually she shuts up, gets off her ass and starts something.

Maybe I needed more chaos to get my butt in gear, because it seems to be working.

Ooooh nastalgia

Is there something that you used to eat ALL the time as a child that you haven't had in years?

I just had a random craving for a Salty Dog.  Now I've looked this up, and what we call a Salty Dog is no where to be found..although it is very similar to all the recipes I've seen minus the alcohol.

You combine according to your taste:

Crushed ice
Salt
Lime juice

And you mix em together and crunch on the salty sour ice cubes.  Make sure you don't keep the spoon in the ice cubes too long, the ice will stick to the spoon and I was always told a chemical reaction can occur that's toxic.  Whether this is true or not I don't know, but I don't test it out.

My favorite part is drinking the water at the end, it's full of all the juice...slurp slurp.

OMG I don't know why this stuff makes me all giddy but it does.  I haven't made this in YEARS and I ended up getting way too much salt.  Next time I'll try to remember to go a little at a time...I just dumped some in ;).

It makes me think of being little when my oldest sister would make me and my other sister a glass.  She has this LOVE of salt, as in cuts up pickles pours enough salt to make the pickle white and the gobbles it up like it's candy.  I remember us all going nutso over this treat, but her more than anyone. 

So while I'm crunching on my tasty treat, what are you munching on?  Or thinking about munching on??

Drinking Vodka until the cows come home....

You know those episodes of Super Nanny where the kids throw loud screaming fits over absolutely nothing and the parents are screaming, yelling, spanking, throwing out threats that aren't working???

Our house was almost identical to those shows tonight.

I truly don't know where to begin on what happened, the most frustrating part is neither of us can tell you what happened.  HELL happened, and that's really all we know.  It technically started this morning before school and began after school.  But from 6:30 until 8:00pm both children were in timeout.  Both kids have been screaming, crying and acting like they don't understand English and we've never punished them a day in their lives this entire time. 

Everything was a fight EVERYTHING people.  I just had to hold my two year old down and fight to get her pj's on.  I don't know if you've ever fought a two year old but I'd much rather fight and wrestle with a grown man than do that again.  It was pathetic, it was horrible and she pretty much won even though she's in her pj's and in bed.  She's kicked us, hit us, screamed bloody murder at us OVER EVERYTHING.  Bailey is now without any toys or games until we move, unless by some miracle his attitude improves, and will go straight to bed tomorrow after dinner for how rude, obnoxious, and disrespectful he behaved all day today.  It was a horrible fight this morning before school, it's been fighting almost constantly since he's been home AND his teacher walked him to the car again to say he fought her on doing an assignment.

It's like they were feeding off of each other or trying to see who could piss us off most.  While I handled her, Bo handled him.  Then we'd switch to make sure they both got it that neither of us were backing down and we meant business.  They didn't give us a moment of peace or a minute to eat our dinner.  It was a constant up down battle with timers going off every few minutes, all of us yelling and screaming at each other.

It was HELL absolute hell.

Now they're in bed, the house is quiet and my ears are ringing as if they don't know what to do with no screaming children.

We keep looking at each other, shake our heads and say 'What the fuck just happened?' and the other says 'I have no fucking clue'.

I've never witnessed anything like that in my entire life. 

I'm confused as hell.  Tired as fuck.  And pissed off.

Damn good thing we have a ginormous bottle of Vodka in the house.

Don't duct tape Mama!

I may be new to the Royal Family and still learning who's who and all, but I HAVE to address something that has come up.

Our Royal Cop got shut down over an innocent post.  The website/host even put her URL up for grabs!  All because she posted a simple post about a yearly gathering that had gone awry because of all the drinking that always happens.  She mentioned one year how she had to fight through a dangerous crowd to get to someone who was stabbed and then mentioned her arresting the guy who did it.  All in a normal days work for this chick and no different than any other post she has done.

Why did she get shut down?

We're not 100% sure, but we're guessing because this yearly gathering is of Native Americans and she didn't keep that out of the post. 

Now whether you believe it or not, I'm part Cherokee and Choctaw Indian.  Everyone I know says Indian, we don't ask you to be all PC and say American Indian or Native American, in fact you'd get laughed at and made fun of for being a tard if you called us that.  For me there was nothing offensive about this post, and I'm pretty sure those I know would say the exact same thing.  We're a tough lot after all.

Yeah I say us/we, I may not look it or have a card saying I am, but I am Indian thank you very much....and Irish and Scottish and possibly maybe German but I digress.

The fact that she didn't once make fun of Indians or their culture or ANYTHING in her post, all she did was state the facts of what happened, yet she was censored and shut down, has us all in an uproar.

WTF kind of messed up brain fart is this!?

I'm kinda thinking that it has to do with their filters, that she used enough phrases or certain words to set off an alarm and the site just followed protocol without checking it.  But whether they have 5 or 5 million blogs, a person should check the post/blog in question to make sure it wasn't a mistake.  If someone did check it and still shut her down, they deserve the tard award of the decade.

I've read blogs that are dripping with racial slurs and comments that had me annoyed and yet they are still up and running and were never told to take down their posts.  Well as far as I know, I stopped reading their trash.  I don't know about you, but that leaves me scratching my head that she was targeted because of an innocent post while others who are guilty of racism, gets away with it.
We're hoping to get the word around so this doesn't happen to anyone else for one thing and because we want THIS host to pay attention, do it's job and target those in need of censorship.

If you are looking for an obstacle course

come on over.

If you're not dodging the million and one holes, most of which you can't see until you are upon them or in them, your dodging the polar bear who made said holes, whose trying to herd you like a sheep while licking and slobbering on your hand every chance he can OR your dodging the Chihuahua sized dog shit piles.

It's quiet aerobic.

I can tell you from experience within 5 minutes your heart will be racing, you'll be sweating, sticky with dog slobber and with a bruised knee/shin.

We won't even charge you a thing...except maybe to fill in holes and scoop dog shit ;).

Strange night

Yesterday I started getting a headache, it felt very similar to an ice cream headache, yet not as intense.  It was that same kind of cold, throbbing ache though.  I've never had that before without eating ice cream, so it made me worry.

Obviously, wouldn't be me if I didn't right??

Anyway I went to bed, and as I'm lying there the headache moved down my forehead and to my nose.  It was the weirdest cold sensation, and of course I was instantly in a panic.

OMG something is wrong with me!

What could it be?

Should I go to sleep or should I stay awake until it goes away???

Am I dying?

On and on the thoughts went until I was gasping for air, totally making the headache worse which in turn made my thoughts more fatal.  I somehow managed to get my thoughts under control, then my breathing and finally I was fine.

No freaking way!  All without meds.

I still don't know how I did it, I just remember I said to myself going to sleep won't change anything and the calming thoughts went from there.  Where I got that thought I don't know, as I was barely able to think clearly with so much going on in my head.  It was just suddenly there, then the panic was gone.

Today I feel all puffy, achy and sinus pressured, so I'm thinking that had something to do with the headache.  Or hoping anyway..

I'm quite proud of myself, I did it all on my own.  I didn't need to run to Bo or text Miss or look it up on the net.  I somehow got through to my inner bitch and fixed it all by myself.

Sweet!

Plan of attack

We're looking at moving the weekend of April 9th, even though we'd much rather move the weekend before, when we close.

But due to home improvement tasks for both houses, including finishing the fence in the backyard and painting/staining the cabinets in our new house, we must wait.

Le sigh.

But for now we get to focus on packing and have even come up with a packing plan.

Oh yes you read that right, a plan.  MWUAHAHAHA.  It makes my poor brain happy to know I have a path ahead of me that I cannot stray from.  And one that, HOPEFULLY if things work out the way we hope, will mean we'll be mostly packed way before moving day. 

Every move we've done, we've put it off until the week to two weeks before, as being the easiest way for us to not be searching for everything in the days leading up to the move.  However, this ALWAYS meant that the day we moved we were still packing all the little things on top of what we use daily as we moved.  EQUALLING HELL, PURE AND TOTAL HELL.

We are determined to NOT do that again.  Especially since now we have two kids, two dogs AND a cat in tow.

The next thing we have to figure out is the shopping that we'll need to do for furniture for the new house.. sigh...I hate shopping.

Ah monkey nuts

Have I mentioned I hate moving?

Is there a person alive that enjoys moving?

Not the getting new digs part, but the planning, packing, moving of shit, unpacking of said shit, etc...

My OCD is going coocoo at the moment because I have things to do but my brain is saying 'pack damnit we must pack, screw dishes and laundry, PACK!' 

With only a handful of boxes, this is a bit of a problem.

But again, the brain is giving me the finger and telling me to do it anyway.

And wouldn't you know it the first thing that comes to my mind to pack, is my books?

That's when the wacky nugget in my brain says 'EEEEEE the boxes we have are like so perfect for the books, cause they are like small and like totally perfect'.

That's when I toss my hair and do a perfect Clueless 'As if' response.

Remember that movie?? LOVE THAT MOVIE!

I'm a bit slap happy at the moment...can you tell?

I've had to tell that wacky nugget that once Jocelyn is down for a nap, I can get started on rearranging the office/shit dumping room so that it will be a useable work space.  Then I can start packing up some of my precious books.

In the meantime I'm dancing around the house to my music and getting stuff done so I have less to worry about when I'm packing.

Aint it a giggle??

I think we all know I'm scatterbrained.  But when I'm running on little sleep I'm almost incapable of adding 1+1.

For example:

I did laundry almost every day this last week and we have no socks, no towels and I have zero clean undies.  Yet every day I thought OMG Nikki you must wash these items or tomorrow is going to suck again.  And tomorrow rolls around, we're all wearing mix matched socks, another morning without a shower and I'm commando.  And when I needed towels last week, instead of washing ALL the towels, I washed 2.  TWO towels for 4 people...how I did this I don't know as I do not remember only grabbing two, I thought for sure I washed an entire load.

Yesterday as Bo and I were making dinner I looked over and saw the sink had handwashed dishes soaking in water....hmmm when did I do that??? Seriously do you know, cause I still can't remember when I did this.... we couldn't tell if I'd even put soap in the water.

Speaking of dinner yesterday, you would have thought I was trying to perform brain surgery as I tried to come up with what to make!  Bo wasn't excited about making the recipe I had planned so he asked what other recipes I had ingredients for.  I was like 'uh uh uh what are we talking about'.  No joke, ask him.

I am frustrated by the fact that at the rate I'm going, if I'm dressed in actual clothes that are mine and they relatively cover my fluffy butt it's a good day.  I'm frustrated that every morning/evening it's a mad rush to see what we need/have and try to get things done ASAP so we can get out the door.

But I can't help but laugh at how ridiculous I am these days.  It's so much easier than being mad at myself and kicking my ass over how little I'm able to do.

Royal Road Trip day....no clue

My days are starting to blur together, I think it's day four and I THINK we're in New Orleans, but please don't take my word for it.  I've found myself awake in places I didn't remember getting to with members of the Royal family I haven't been introduced yet..

I was told I'd be initiated into the Royal Family and I was soo excited about this prospect even though I wasn't told what that would entail....

I love my new headlights, the high beams don't work so well but my low beams are awesome.

I was also FINALLY given a taste of the Duchess' brownies..

I may be wrong, but I think they may have been tainted.  I saw a unicorn prance by and I swear Mr. Paul Walker proposed to me...I was just about to jump his hot ass when things got wet and cold.

Then the Queen devised a plan to test me, I had to choose between her or the gin.  It was torture for all of us as she pretended to be kidnapped.  But what she doesn't know is how we devised a plan to save her...



And how we debated over our decision over and over and over again



But in the end she was found, dressed in a disguise, drunk and laughing maniacally behind a dumpster



Once she saw that the gin was still accounted for, I was given the all clear because I passed the test.

And then I passed the fuck out with exhaustion from screwing Santa relief.

Wowsa

Have you ever had one of those weekends where so much happened that come Monday you don't know where to start?

That was my weekend.

Saturday we put in a contract on the new house, no name yet folks but I'm considering it, and before the day was over we got word back that we had a counter.  The seller is more than happy to buy our land (which he's never seen) as part of the deal, but that means he can't go down on the price much.  We decided not to haggle anymore, although we wanted to go lower this kills two birds with one stone.  Today Bo is calling our lender to make sure nothing has changed since we applied back in December and once we get that checked, we'll be accepting the counter...and closing on March 31st!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hot damn and holy shit all in one.

I also went out with a friend Saturday.  I know!  Can you believe it??? Go sit down if you need to, I can continue while you have your head tucked between your knees.  I finally made the step to say let's do this, and it hasn't been easy as her schedule is so different.  But we did it, and had a blast.  We went shopping first then had dinner and I don't know about her but it felt like old times.  We were laughing and telling raunchy stories back and forth....Ok so I was telling more but whatever, we're not taking score. It was just awesome and we have to do this again soon.  I think Bo will even say this, as I've been in a better mood since.

Then we got to talking about furniture and appliances for the new house. I did some homework and found some awesome deals at Ikea, sadly what I found you have to pick up and the closest store is 5 1/2 hours away.  I know your probably going woooo Nikki this part is soo interesting, but the kicker to this is we've decided to fly down.  FLY DOWN.  You know me, I panic at heights, water...ok so a lot of things but this is huge for me.  I'm not going to lie, I fought it.  But in the long run, it's way cheaper and easier this way...and Bo promised to get me tipsy before we take off.

Last night Jocelyn so used the potty, again I'm sure your like woooo Nikki but you'll get over it.  She likes to ask to go sit on the potty, and we take her but within 5 seconds she's ready to get up.  Last night Bo took her and within a few minutes she peed.  We basically threw a party afterwards, and she ate it up.  About an hour later she was saying poopy diaper although she didn't have one, we jumped on the whole sit on the potty thing just in case and guess what, she did it.  Without fighting and crying and screaming.  But I know my daughter, and I seriously doubt she'll do it again for a while.
THEN this morning my wonderful blogging buddy Jo posted my story on her blog.  She's doing a Your Story project, where you can send in your Project Me story and she posts it on her blog.  I think it's an awesome idea and was so excited when she told me about it.  Her blog is really inspirational and positive and I've learned a lot from her wonderful insight.  MWUAH Jo, thank you muches for everything!

Sigh, I'd love to say this week seems slow and like a normal week, however it's not.  The BIL's girlfriend wants to look at the house more thoroughly, we have to get a list of things we need to do before they move in, get the money in the budget set up for it, go over lease ideas, continue our packing, yadda yada.  Then there's soccer practice, contract signing, dentist appointments...

Royal Bus Tour 2011

I would like to apologize for taking so long to share my side of the story for the Royal Bus tour.  But it's been a bit hard these past few days considering I'm dealing with a bunch of drunks who think my name is Fartwagon.

I was thinking you know, the Queen is a queen and maybe she'd help coral the fillies but I was sadly mistaken as she's just as rowdy as the rest.

I thought my job would be fairly easy, I mean helllooo I'm a bartender but The Vet got a bright idea to do some artwork, and since I was still fairly sober I was volunteered to do the job...

but by the end I was tweaking some nipples trying to make the frogs blink and we were all happy.

At one point everyone decided to dress up incognito, I was not asked what I wanted to wear and ended up with this on...

I had to hold my breath and duct tape myself just to get into that costume.  It was not as easy as it looks..and when this guy tried to take a picture I laughed so hard at his tiny pecker I farted and blew out the back of my outfit....maybe that's where Fartwagon came from hmm.

And the others...well I'm not sure what they were supposed to be but this is the only photo that survived...

I have a sneaking feeling the pictures will be popping up in random places to scare the shit out of little kids.

I have learned one thing about this trip so far, I did not estimate correctly on the booze.


Tomorrow is looking to be quite special, as I've been told I'll be initiated into the group and there was something about special brownies that I'll finally get to try.

See everyone then!

I can say I've touched a royal ass

Honey Cheeks, aka Miss, pulled some strings and got me a job as Royal Bartender for the Queen.

I have yet to really start my royal duties as I'm still a little nervous and frightened of this group of fiery women.  I think they are freaking awesome and feel lucky to have made it into this incredible group.  Hopefully one day I'll be able to jump out and say BOOOYA and not be afraid the Queen shouts 'OFF WITH HER HEAD'.

This week the Queen has us on a bus tour, there will be many stories written by this group of ladies that you all must check out.  They are HIGHlarious and cuss like sailers; there's no way you won't pee yourself by reading their posts.

Help stop stupidity!!

I truly don't know where to start, this issue has gotten me so pissed off I keep rambling whenever I try to write this post.

I try to stay clear of political and religious topics.  But this is one time where I'm not going to keep quiet.  AS IT IS THE MOST FUCKING RETARDED THING I'VE HEARD THIS YEAR.

A man named Bobby Franklin, a rep for Georgia, is trying to pass a bill that abortions (and anything considered an abortion including D&C's) shall be punishable by death.  Not only is that stupid in and of itself, but if you have a miscarriage you have to file a freaking report.  All cases (so it seems) must be reported and will be investigated to make sure you didn't do it on purpose.

I'm including this blog post that I read this morning which, inspired this post.

Don't go all abortion is murder on me, I know that.  I think everyone is smart enough to knows that.  If some girl gets knocked up by her boyfriend and gets an abortion without telling anyone, she needs to seek counselling.  If some chick has sex with lots of random guys and has periodic abortions, the chick needs major counselling and jail time.  A death sentence however IS RETARDED AS RETARDED CAN BE.  But if someone is raped, or can't take care of themselves let alone a baby including the medical care they need while pregnant, or if it's a life or death situation, leave them alone, they are going through enough as it is.  So yeah, for me, it depends on the situation, but in the end it's still ending a life.

I can see why this goober thought of this bill, but the sad part that he obviously never thought of or it never managed to chip inside his iceberg head, is that the people who will pay the most are those who are in pain because of a loss they couldn't prevent or because they had no other choice.  Yeah I do agree those who do abortions as if it's no big deal should be punished in some way, not by death I mean come on, but the majority of women going through them are shaken up and in pain because of their situation.  Like they need more anguish added on!  Yes, there should be a punishment but it should depend on the situation.  And yes, yes I know that you can't find that out without an investigation, but seriously there are ways of finding out without torturing those innocent in a terrible situation  I think this bill is absolutely, 100% stupid and unnecessary.

If you want to punish those who are committing actual murder and doing things on purpose to lose the pregnancy, go after them please, but leave everyone else alone.

Mwuahahahaha

I'm so so excited to say that my writing is going awesome, like AWESOME.  Every time I sit down to write it just flows, and I have to say I'm all giddy about it.

There is however one little snag, I've been doing my writing longhand in a notebook.  I have pages and pages to type up now.

But I'm in absolutely no hurry to do so.  This is working for the moment and I'm not going to mess with it too much because I want this flow to continue.

I have been writing off and on all day, but do most of it waiting in line for Bailey after school.  Which I'm sure is quite amusing to those parked near me as I make gestures and smile and do other things to test a scene out loud.  Something that I really hate being caught doing, it's slightly embarrassing.  I don't notice I'm doing it until someone points it out, and well then I could be a relative of a tomato. 

Now, I'm off to do some housework and continue writing about falling in love...aaahhhhh.

I'm living in a rerun

There's a new option on our table today.

We found a house we really like, whose owner is more than happy to buy our land as part of the deal.  We haven't even had a contract made, the Realtors told the owner of our situation and he said he'd do it.  Sweet huh.

There are a few minor downsides to this house though, the biggest one is that one side of the house there's maybe 10 feet between it and the house next door.  However this is a corner lot so the other side of the house is an open yard.  Plus most houses we've seen are this close to the neighbors, it's rare to find a bigger distance in our price range.  The others are very minor and almost picky complaints that we can live with.  It's a big upgrade and that's what matters.

It's also WAY cheaper than the house we lost, like $30,000 cheaper which means it's a better financial fit.

There are some questions we have for the realtor that will affect our decision and this morning someone recommended a local builder to us who has houses he can show us that he's selling personally (not on MLS), so this isn't a done deal just yet.

Le sigh.

But hey, we have more options and it seems there's always one more coming in.

Making googly eyes at my mother in law

No no, you read that right.

On Sunday we attended a birthday party for BIL's girlfriend's son.  And at one point, I was smiling lovingly at Bo, when he looked away.  I was trying to catch his eye again and was looking at his ahem crotch with a hungry look, but he never glanced back.  Totally wasted my come hither let's scrog like bunnies look.

However, I look over and there's his mom, grinning at me from ear to ear.

Fuck.

Not long after that she told us we needed a room then asked what I've been feeding Bo as we were being all flirty.  Before I could stop myself I said 'I don't know but I need to stop because I'm not getting any sleep'.

Double fuck.

Luckily his mother has a good sense of humor and is just as perverted as the rest of us...however it doesn't take away my embarrassment at my verbal vomit...or my sultry sexy gaze that was witnessed.